Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Frustrated and need advice

Luvmyguys,

You are in the right place. Many of us on here have experienced the situation you explained. Time, tests and patience are all required to find out what is really going on. My best advice would be to concentrate on your child's areas of strength. It never helps anyone to walk around thinking something is "wrong". You will find a lot of sympathetic ears/eyes here and also good advice.

Welcome, Luvmyguys! I have that kid, too. It's a struggle - every day.

But you can relax here. Breathe. Look around at the wealth of information and soak up the experience. It'll do you a world of good.

Read everything you can get your hands on, but remember to take breaks, too. It's easy to get overwhelmed by all the angles and you need time to process it all and see what fits your child best.

Keep us posted!

While I believe you about the ADHD non-gifted kids not being able to tell you what was said, I know of one PG gifted kid who I sort of believe does have ADD, and 'very often' especially in the elementary grades, could playback the whole conversation. My son 'feels more himself' on ADHD medication, and every psychologist how has crossed our path believes he has ADD, and yet for many years he could do the full playback thing.

I wish it were that simple, but somehow it never is.
Smiles,
Grinity

Thank you so much for all the responses! I'm especially encouraged to hear that the NNAT can be a good predictor. I mean 99th percentile sounded good but it was only one test so I was hesitant to assume that he was gifted based solely on that. I'm hoping the Woodcock will be more in depth and help fill in some of the blanks.

It's just tough because we don't want to punish him for something he can't control but at the same time we want him to work hard and always try his best.

Again, thanks for all the info. This is so new to us we're a little overwhelmed! It's nice to know we're not alone though. I'm going to get my hands on a copy of that recommended book.

Grinity-
There are certainly kids who are gifted and have ADHD and I think it's so hard to diagnose these kids because there are so many factors affecting their behavior! Is it OEs today, or ADHD or gifted? It all gets so complicated that I totally agree, only a really good psychologist who his familiar with all of these perspectives will be able to be useful!

My comment was more of a general one that often teachers see a physical behavior (fidgeting, staring off in space, falling out of a chair, talking nonstop etc) and they don't ask why it's happening. There are many reasons why all of these happen, especially in early elementary school. I think it's a huge disservice to all kids, not just the gifted ones, to just point at ADHD and move on.

A silly example? I recently worked with a teacher who had a major discipline problem in her class. She complained repeatedly that the kids didn't listen, wiggled too much and were totally unfocused. I discovered she had a no potty before 10am policy for 1st graders. Why were all those kids fidgeting and not listening? They had to pee! LOL.

Here's a site I found recently- I thought it was very informative.

http://borntoexplore.org/gifted.htm

Oh, we have been in this situation...he was bored to tears in K and would wake up each morning in tears begging not to go to school...after testing and lots of thought we pulled him to homeschool...he asked to try school again for first grade this year and the teacher would give the class worksheets that consisted of color the dog brown to check to see if he knew his colors or circle the correct number of balls on a page...he was SO frustrated and bored that he had to come up with ways to keep himself busy and most of the ways were not acceptable to the teacher. The teacher's first response was to suggest we test him for ADD....our doctor, his psychologist and everyone who knows him well thought that was just absurd but for some reason it's the first thing that pops into a school's mind when they see a restless student....instead of trying to figure out if anything else is going on...it's like the quick easy fix for them. I would love to know how many kids are on medication who have no need whatsoever for them. Your know your child best :-)

It sounds pretty normal to me for a bored first grader to be "spaced out" and not sitting still.

I would be looking for a new teacher, a new school, or looking into homeschooling.

Thanks for the link Botchan. It was very informative. When he was in Kindergarten I was explaining the situation to my other son's preschool teacher and she said "Have they suggested he needs meds? Watch out, because I'm sure it'll come up soon". Sort of warning us. We just couldn't believe it. The idea of medicating our child (who we know can focus for hours on activities he enjoys) just seemed crazy to us. My husband doesn't even like to take cold medicine when he gets sick :)so he gets really fired up anytime this topic comes up.

You're welcome. I'm afraid I don't have any good advice to offer, but I just want you to know that you are not alone. We've been dealing with the same situation with our DS9 for quite sometime now.
Just hung in there!