Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Identification, Testing & Assessment nonDYS siblings?

Is DYS participation obvious to the nonDYS sibling? Is it an issue? I'm sure this depends on level of participation. I'm curious about DYS family experiences with Non DYS kids and how you handle it.

It might make sense to also participate in other gifted events where the 'bar' is set a bit lower so that both children get used to the idea that they need and enjoy differentiated activities. Talent Search activities come to mind.

I don't have experience with DYS (DC18 was 17 when I heard about it), but I have had to deal with some of that from school programs and accommodations, as DC15 is MG while DC18 is PG and E2, requiring several different educational accommodations and supplimental programs for school. DC15 has been frustrated and has felt left out/not good enough after having her older brother get to go to special programs and making the cut-off for his own programs while she misses the cut-off. It has been better in high school, where she has made the regular gifted program and can do her own special activities, but she still has some frustration with not feeling smart enough to compete with him and with trying to prove that she deserves to be in the accelerated program.

onthegomom- I'll be in the same boat this year. My girls are 19 months apart the 6 yr old is the DYS and I don't plan on testing the 5 yr old til she's 6. from what I understand there are things to do in the area for the non-dys. A planetarium and there is a park nearby that has bowling alley, go carts, mini-golf, and a water park. We're going to keep her busy so I'm hoping it won't be a problem I guess the real issue would be if the younger one doesn't qualify for DYS next year, yikes I hadn't really thought about that til now.

We have not applied to DYS but DD would not make the cut offs. She IS aware of the differences in herself and her brother though. As they are only 18 months apart she remembers him being able to read Harry Potter in Kindergarten while she is in first and still on easy readers. She makes comments about not being as smart as her brother and I do think she feels like she is less capable. It makes me sad but it is hard - she is old enough to see the differences. I point out that she is really talented at many things also (she is an amazing artist) but she doesn't think she is good at anything.

My comment is moving away from the original question (can't really answer that one!) and is more related to siblings in general. Our situation is very similar to yours Breakaway4. My DC are also 18 months apart with my DD the oldest. She has never been tested because she didn't want to. I would probably place her at MG maybe HG. I know she doesn't think she is anywhere near as gifted as her brother regardless of what anyone says. It's like two ends of the spectrum, "he's really smart, therefore there is no way I would even come close". She always sells herself short. DD has just moved away to university, there were a number of reasons she didn't want to stay where we live - small rural town, too cold etc (these were her reasons) and valid ones for her. For me, I think one of the big advantages of her going to the city is not having that link to her brother, the opportunity to establish her own identity. Maybe her medical issues played a part in her decision as well, I don't know. We have never made an issue of his abilities and the school never made comparisons. DD always said she was "cool" with it but deep down I always felt that it made a difference.

I'm sorry onthegomom, I just reread my last post and I didn't really answer your question did I?. Hmmmm a bit rambly and emotional I think!

How did we deal with it? Well apart from not making a big deal of DS's abilities and ensuring that DD received encouragement and praise for her achievements I think the most telling thing was DD's personality. She is extroverted, very social, life of the party type person. She has an ability to rise above adversity (I am so thankful she has this personality type in view of her medical issues) and I think it is this more than anything we actually did that helped her deal with it. Her philosophy is "well you just have to deal it and move on".

Like others said it doesn't matter for local gatherings. I've never came across one where nonDYS weren't welcome.

NonDYS siblings are not allowed to attend Summit, which can be a pain and does make things quite complicated. At this point DS5 is aware that his brother could attend the last 2 gatherings and he couldn't. I believe he fully expects to attend the next one. I hope he will because that means I will get to spend the entire time there as well instead of splitting the time between me and DH

For older DYS kids there can be more things like online seminars and boards available only to them.

If you only attend local actions then it's not really that important that one of your children isn't in DYS besides the "He is DYS, she isn't" which you will inevitably say at such occasions.

We are going to our first summit, and this is what we'll be doing: switching off with our younger one. We also would expect her to be able to attend after that. She is always SO aware of everything. She complains bitterly every time her older sister gets to go to a party she can't attend. We are all working on dealing with this. She is too far away from grasping that famous "fair is not equal" deal.

I believe, as PP have mentioned that personalities and age differences matter here. I believe that a crucial variable is how far apart are the kids in question in terms of IQ/achievement.

Our younger one scored just below the mark in the WPPSI, given that English is her second language, we expect she would qualify after a year or 2 of full time school versus a couple of hours of preschool. However, it would be very hard for us to manage IF she doesn't qualify eventually. I think that if your YS' needs are much more extreme than siblings, then it is easier for everybody to accept and deal with it.

All I have to say is SBV. It's very painful to watch the oh so close WPPSI score especially if your older child is in. BTDT including the bilingual part and then qualifying SBV Now if only I knew his WJ-III results.