Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Parenting daemons

DS8mos clearly has some "special" needs. It seems likely that he's smart, but, obviously, we don't really know yet. There are more questions than answers, for example "did he just say 'wait,' or was that a fluke?" "does he want me to explain _more_ about that firehose, or does he just need a nap?" and the BIG ONE (of late) "He appears to really want to walk without help, but he's a bit scared -- should we 'teach' him when he seems to be showing interest, or would that be too much pressure?"

I posted in complete and utter frustration not that long ago about our parenting disagreements, and got some good answers. And now I want my very own thread so I can stop hogging someone else's! So there.

What daemons have you faced in parenting your kids either because of your experiences as a child, or because of their special needs? How have you confronted them? How do you manage gut reactions that you know are unwise? How do you negotiate Big Deal differences in parenting style (our current eg: DH calls things like demonstrating a toy "pushing," I consider refusing to acknowledge what I consider to be questions "holding back" -- I'm not sure our comfort zones actually overlap at all, and if they do, I suspect they won't for much longer)?

And since the "pushing" question is big in our house:
How do you find ballance between "pushing" and "understimulating?" What have you done when co-parents disagree on this? Is it ever ok to push a kid when they are already ahead of age performance, and are there times when it is necesary to push them despite their being ahead of dates? At what age can a child benefit from teaching?

-Michaela who feels like a VERY new mom right now.

Welcome to the board Michaela. I haven't seen your other posts but will go look them up in a little while. Your question is a valid one and especially since you are having internal arguments over it. I can't really discuss the issue of different parenting styles since my DH is on the same page but I can say my page has shifted a lot in the past year. I didn't really comprehend what I was witnessing with our DD when she was an infant. I really turned a blind eye to a lot of it and laughed off comments by others (family, friends and strangers). While in this state I just followed her lead. I never thought it odd that DD at 6 months was fascinated with the ABCs because she found some miniature board books and kept asking me "What's this?" and "What's that?". Was her game for about 3 months ... she would point to anything and everything and ask those questions and I would repeatedly tell her the answer. So I wasn't shocked that DD knew all her ABCs (and not in order) by the time she was 9 months. Nor was I shocked that she knew all her body parts including eyebrows, cheeks, jaw, etc by the time she was 4 months old. Or that she started counting before she was a year old. What ever she was interested in we 'played' at the moment. But right before she turned two and was already adding and subtracting; understood her left from her right; comprehended opposites and started to read I opened my eyes and started looking for answers ... stumbling on 'gifted'. Then I read Ruf's book and really started hyperventilating over everything. I had a not even 2 year old who was equal in many ways to a second grader. Page shift! I freaked out and though not consciously, was withholding knowledge from her. I wasn't the same anymore. DD's growth was not so shocking this past year in things such as ... building on adding and subtracting (for example) but I noticed her cognitive thinking was through the roof. She was still developing leaps and bounds in other ways. It wasn't until we enrolled her into a social preschool that I really opened my eyes. She became a shell of her former self and I knew we had to find another school. So we went with an academic program that is full Spanish Immersion. She is challenged the minute she steps into the door. Plus the program is 2 years ahead of public school so 3 year olds are taught kindergarten level. We noticed an instant change in her. Our problems with potty training was gone. She potty trained in 2 days. She is asking about everything again. Almost like when she was 6 months but with clearly more sophisticated questions. What we have discovered with our DD is she has to be challenged or she wilts.

I have no idea what you are experiencing with your child but go with your gut ... I don't see anything wrong with following their lead, in fact my experience with my DD mandates that I do just that. You will know if it is too much for her. Eventually your DH will come around to realizing it. I suspect social pressures are a part of his using the term 'pushing'.