Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments helping to balance out 3,5 year old

My DD was tested with the WPPSI at 3.4 and her verbal is quite high (99.6) but her performance IQ was "only" 94th percentile, but I know that she could have done better with the spatial tasks, because she has been amazing with puzzles understanding shapes and patterns etc. but she shows no interest in legos, puzzles, or anything related to building and is so verbal that sometimes I wonder if I should help her distribute herself by encouraging puzzles / building /etc. She actually froze on one of the spatial tests and really didn't do it so the fact that she even scored 94th surprised me. I think she was just less confident since she NEVER touches blocks or anything related to building. She does color beautifully and make amazing 3-D clay sculpture of figurines, etc. So, do I just let her do her own thing as I have been, or gently expose her to things that are a little outside of her interst like Legos, or other building things? I also had high verbal skills / scores, but was also quite good in math so I have a feeling she is as well. Anyway, any thoughts on this? Do you encourage branching out or do you let your child just do whatever floats her boat. For the most part, I let her do whatever she wants, because for one thing, she is highly stubborn, opinionated, and willful, but some part of me thinks exercising the spatial part of her brain would be good "exercise."

I've been known to check for the syndrome of "my little dog doesn't eat meat! Why not? Because I never give him any" - i.e., check that DS really does have plenty of opportunities to do whatever I think he's not doing much of. Beyond that, I let him do what he will. The only exception I can think of is that I've always made sure he spends plenty of time outside getting (at least some) exercise, which is a direct health issue. People are differently balanced, at different times, and that's OK...

That is still an extremely high score. I definitely let my kids choose their own interests and pursuits beyond basic academics. And in preschool, we did zero academics and play based preschool anyway. We had a lot of basic toys around of all kinds. I wouldn't worry about it at all.

I definitely did encourage active play in both my kids too. I can tell a big difference in their mood and attitudes if they don't get it.

I think offering things for them is great, and then letting them choose.

Your Dd is still pretty young! My almost 7 year old is a Lego lover. She asked Santa for assorted LEGOs so that she can build random things, no boxed sets. Anyway, at 3 she had very little interest in building toys, she never cared to stack blocks (of those lists on "What to expect..." we could never mark the "stacks X number of blocks" because she did not. It was not that she was not able, but that she did not even attempt).

Her interest in blocks, Legos and building came around age 4. Before that, she did 24 piece puzzles but she did not choose to them often. At 4, she quickly went into 100 pieces, started the Legos, Lincoln Logs, etc,

Anyway, she is extremely verbal. She tested very high verbally and almost as high in performance, when tested at 6.5. She was previously tested at 4, and her non-verbal score was not as high (neither was her verbal, but English is not her first language, so that was part of the reason).

As mentioned, I would try and play with those things with her. If she is not interested, try again a couple of months later.

I think exposing is good, but not pushing. My kids have gone through periods of learning explosions in one area over all others, a time when they take amazing leaps forward in one subject or area of development to the near-exclusion of other areas. I think that's pretty common even in ND kids, but the leaps can be truly astounding--many years of growth in a matter of weeks!--in HG+ kids.

My second son in particular seems prone to this. His interest in math for example was shockingly sudden and meant that in the space of maybe 6 months (from ages 4.5 to 5yo or so), he went from just normal counting to doing multi-digit multiplication in his head.

Also, these leaps often seem to occur for my kids in those relatively "weaker" areas. (As if 94th %ile is anything but strong!) It feels as if they have been saving up the learning in that area, doing other things while they take in that math or reading or whatever. Then when they're ready, it all just pops out. I think this is especially common in visual-spatial learners, but I think most kids do some version of it, at least in a minor way. Always consistent learning is not the norm, I don't think.

What that means to me is that you can't dictate what kids are ready to learn. You just have to make things available and encourage them when they are ready for them. Some things will never be a favorite for them, and that's okay. Not everyone has to be great at everything or enjoy everything. (And again, the 94th %ile is nothing to sneeze at!)

That's a long way of saying that I'd have the things around like Legos--maybe play with them yourself to entice her--but keep on not pushing. I think you're doing the right thing there.

I think that if you are having the thought, that it's worth a bit of an effort. Sometimes you doing the activity yourself is all it takes. 'Building' is something that many gifted little girls have already figured out 'isn't for girls' even at this young age.

Actually - I saw a TV show where Penelope Leach had a bunch of wrapped gifts for a roomful of preschoolers. I watched as the tiny boys grabbed for the blue wrappings and the tiny girls grabbed for the pink wrappings. I wish I remembered how old the children were, but it blew my mind!

So if DD sees you play with relish, or an Auntie, or Grandma, that might make a difference.

It's also possible that girls 'inately' are less interested in building tall structures than boys. If you show her how Legos can be used to make outlines of houses, or blocks can be used to make roads and a whole town, that style of play may be more interesting to her. Or try to faces to the legos. I wonder if sharpies would work? Or maybe her favorite toy needs something that she could build out of legos?

Since you are using the Nurtured Heart Approach, this will open up a whole avenue of ways to recognize her greatness: Such skill at balancing! Such interesting patterns! Such strong hands to squeeze the blocks!

When I teach girls to play chess, I use metaphores that girls might be more interested in: I say that we are doing a dance together. That one of our goals is to 'organize' the pieces by taking them off the board according to the rules.

I don't want to get into a nature/nurtue argument, because I believe that by re-inventing 'boy's toys' for conventional girls, we are meeting the needs of unconventional boys too. It's all about having an awareness of the range of possibilities and sharing that with each child.

But yes, I do try and give an 'extra' push when exposing children to activities and toys that society tends to expect one gender or the other enjoy.

Smiles,
Grinity

Thanks everyone. I really love this board because I can talk about things so openly and get interesting responses. She was able to do 36-48 puzzles at two, but had limited interest. She never touches blocks but because her baby sister stacked some one day, she started stacking and it was taller than she was, but it just isn't her thing and hasn't touched them since. She use to love dinosaurs, but is less intersted lately and I am wondering if she is getting the idea that girls do some things and boys do some things. That is why I try hard to model certain things and show her books where women are doctors (all her doctors are female) etc.

I remember having a math professor in college who told me I could go "all the way" with math and that an English major was for people "who weren't good at math" but it just didn't fulfill me the same way that the humanities did. I did buy her some K'nex with eyes and faces and we have been making them together (she mostly watches me so far) and she likes to use them to act out stories. Maybe it is a girl thing: she is interested in what they might say or express and not just not into building for the sake of building and honestly, I can relate. I'm the same way! I think she actually did better on block design, maybe 96th? It is just funny that I somehow see this as her area of weakness. YIKES I better get some perspective!

I think one of your first posts was about taking stock in the WPPSI test at such a young age. If you believe she is more capable than the test results, you are probably correct. It's very common for kiddos that young to freak out, fizzle out, get tired, bored, etc, etc, etc.

Mine took the test at that same age and scored "superior" on the FSIQ. I know she "bombed" the puzzle portion because of the tester's inexperience - he left the box of puzzles open next to her so instead of completing a puzzle and going to the next, she just wanted to see the next one and the next one without putting any together! Though she's not very interested in puzzles, I know she could put together 24/26 piece puzzles at age 3.

94th is a fantastic score! And she's only 3!!!

Do you think you may test her again at a later age?

It's in our blood to see the lowest score as an area of weakness. I have to fight it, too. The perfectionist apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?

I think that if you feel/fear she's soaking up gender limitations, I'd recommend leaning into it a bit more. That to me is a different problem than a true lack of interest. That's a limitation she's placing on herself for the wrong reasons, IMHO, and that's problematic.

Signed,

Another Woman Who Could Have Gone Into Math, But Who Preferred English

Some kids just don't 'build', it's just who they are. That said I would probably see if there isn't a certain type of toy that might catch her interest. The favorites in our house for both kids are Tinker Toys, the new Trio blocks (they love these) and Legos. My DD doesn't have anywhere near the interest in Legos that her brother has so doubt she'd play with them much if he wasn't. Tinker Toys are great though and let them just have a blast while actually building. The Trio blocks snap together with ease and they enjoy making fun things out of them or even just making the examples - DS loves to follow instructions for building things.