Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Meeting needs vs. fitting world around them

I love Dr. Rimm, but she consiously aims for the top 7-5% as 'gifted.' I'm guessing that she is relying on the 'go to a psychologist step' to help a parent put into perspective what a child's academic needs are. This didn't work well for my family (Local Psychologist who gave the test and got the Davidson qualifing scores said: 'He's quite bright, and some of his behavior may be related to being bored at school.') but I can imagine that someone could be hopeful about that.

Learningmom - give yourself lots of credit for having the evaluation all set up and being 10 days away from reccomendation. I do believe that this is a long time for a kid - so if you can arrange for him to miss a day or two for a special day trip, or a few special playdates afterschool, that is what I would do.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

My son WAS acting out in school, and I would still say that any 6yo whose needs aren't being met in as dramatic a way as his were not being met would act out. Of course the world doesn't revolve around him, and of course we let him know that. But the acting out was the symptom, not the heart of the problem. The fact was that he was *trying* to behave, but he was deeply frustrated and unhappy because he was spending roughly 7 hours of every day in the wrong place. Way wrong!

Saying "straighten up and fly right" just isn't right for a kid that young.

Now, I would have a different response to a middle or high schooler. They're expected to have better coping mechanisms. But to expect a 6yo to handle a day of near-constant boredom and frustration with patience and grace--and to come down with an iron fist in some form if they don't--seems to me to miss the point.

Of course, I agree with you, Grinity, that getting a psych assessment isn't a bad idea so that there's some sense of how gifted the child is. But I still say that young kids who are otherwise well-behaved have very few ways to show just how unhappy they are with a bad school fit. Assuming the child is not normally spoiled or terribly ill-behaved, acting out is a big, big sign that something is wrong and they need help.

Sorry--I don't mean to keep chiming in. But the "GT kid acting out" WAS my son, and I DID pull him out to homeschool. Two years later, he is a happy, kind, thoughtful, pleasant child who plays well with others and does NOT think the world revolves around him. He's not perfect, but he's pretty darn good! Punishing him for acting out or refusing to adapt his school situation "because that might make him think he's the center of the universe" seems so wrongheaded to me!

You have to fix what's broken! Somehow, you have to find a fit that works. The behavior is the indicator light that something is wrong, but it's NOT the problem!

Kriston your post mirrored exactly what happened with our DS6 in school. We even had the full private psych report showing he needed to be skipped and be allowed to work at his higher level...they ignored it all....and my son was miserable...he tried SO hard to behave but what in the world do they expect from a 6 year old who has absolutely nothing to keep him occupied or busy? The "GT kid acting out" was my son as well and we pulled to homeschool :-)

You know what I find ironic/puzzling/upsetting(can't find the exact word) about the stories told here about 'meeting needs vs. fitting in'?
To GS10 teachers, GS10, then 5, would have looked exactly like most of the other children here. He acted out, he hated to change from one activity to another, he was miserable, he cried at the drop of a hat, he got into peoples space, he didn't play well with others, etc. But because GS had an evil stepmother, (and that's why we got custody) all his problems were blamed on having been abused, not a gifted child needing a challenge. Because of that background, we got all the services in the world(it seemed like!) offered for him.
Unfortunately, treating symptoms had no effect on the real cause, a gifted kid who was not being challenged appropriately. It took his 3rd grade teacher to recognize that. Unfortunately, a 45 minute pullout every day is all they offer for gifted services.

Isn't it sad that the child who acts out due to abuse gets services and lots of compassion(which they should!) but the gifted child who acts out in the same manner is expected to suck it up?

eta: I think it is Dottie who has occasionaly said tears work during some advocating sessions. Maybe we do need to evoke an emotional, compassionate response for these gifted kids who aren't getting their needs met academically?

Honestly, GS10's step mother fits the category of having been pushed past what she could handle. But all of us have some point where we need help. The fact she refuses to take on full responsibility for her reaction to GS10 is why I come down pretty hard on her.