Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Messed up the parent-teacher conference!

Maybe its time to stop dealing with only the teacher.

Whenever I needed to discuss issues related to acceleration, being challenged, etc I would always arrange a meeting with the principal, assistant principal and any appropriate teachers. I found there was less room for miscommunication and emotion. I was always blunt and straight to the point (not necessarily a positive personality trait LOL)but then again no-one was left guessing, and in my case it worked!

I hope this helps.
Matmum

Bah, sorry about that. What are the problems you're seeing that make you think acceleration is needed? You didn't mention them in this thread, maybe just because you assumed we've all seen the same problems and didn't need to be told, but it made me wonder whether perhaps they aren't clear enough to the teacher. It sounds as though what she's saying (and I'd agree, fwiw) is that the mere fact that he *can* do more isn't a reason why he *should*, right now. Perhaps he has enough non-academic challenges at school that it's appropriate for the academics to be easy for a bit, assuming he isn't actively unhappy with that? The conjunction of his choosing a very easy book to read repeatedly and using a baby voice might suggest that he's resisting growing up right now, and maybe that's what his teacher is seeing. Or do you think someone is giving him the message that he's supposed to do those things? Or what?

Most teachers are not trained for the gifted situation. I think it can be uncomfortable for them. I would suggest seeing if your school has a gifted teacher and talk with her.

Read the Davidson Guide book on advocacy. I also posted a thread with some very simple tips like don't talk gifted. Talk about challenge needed. Don't say boring that upsets teachers. I messed up by using these two mistakes and really regret that.

I would look into testing if you can. Schools need the test results to take action. If there is no gifted teacher approach the principal with a very lets work together approach.

There is lots to read about this. I started with the books listed in the Davidson guide.

good luck.

Thanks, no5no5, for that recommended reading. However, I'm not sure if she's open to any reading recommendations from me at this point! But I'll definitely bookmark that for when I feel confident she would be receptive.

I agree with DS's teacher that his use of a baby voice can be very annoying (and is annoying to us too and we've been working on him to stop using it). But I can't imagine that being a rationale to not accelerate him on a few subjects...

Oh boy. Below are a few books and a national report that might help if you can get her to read them. She sound like she just doesn't know enough about gifted kids.

A NATION DECEIVED: HOW SCHOOLS HOLD BACK AMERICA'S BRIGHTEST STUDENTS - THE TEMPLETON NATIONAL REPORT ON ACCELERATION

GENIUS DENIED: HOW TO STOP WASTING OUR BRIGHTEST YOUNG MINDS BY JAN AND BOD DAVIDSON WITH LAURA VANDERKAM

REFORMING GIFTED EDUCATION � HOW PARENTS AND TEACHERS CAN MATCH THE PROGRAM TO THE CHILD BY KAREN B. ROGERS, PH.D.

Thank you everyone for your support and suggestions. They really help.

A few responses...

Momma Bear -- Thanks for the suggestions about books/article to pass on to DS's teacher. I've read them and I agree they are valuable.

onthegomom -- Believe it or not, I think I actually did read your tips before the conference. I was very careful to not say the "b" or "g" words! And I also read the Davidson Advocacy guide -- probably 4 times -- plus about 4 other books. So I felt really prepared going in. Perhaps this has heightened my disappointment... I guess I wasn't prepared for such resistance and push-back from DS's teacher...

Colinsmum -- That's a good question about my motivation for asking for acceleration. My main reason is that I see a pattern of resistance developing to using his brain. When he actually encounters something that he can't understand or figure out within about 5 seconds, he melts down completely, tears and all. So I'm worried that he's developing poor study and work habits. He's actually very happy at school this year. So part of me thinks that I should just let it go. But the other side of me worries about his developing lifelong habits at this age... (BTW, Scooby Doo is a series. So he has been checking out a different book each week, just all in the same series.)

matmum -- Good point about bringing other people in. Sounds good. DS is supposed to be tested using part of the CogAT and the MAP test next week. So perhaps once we get the test results, I can arrange such a meeting.

You poor thing. You will hit many bumps in the road along the way and this is just the start. The best thing to do is to go to the principal and speak to them. HOWEVER, first let the teacher know that that is what you would like to do and you you would like to have a conference with all 3 of them to discuss your concerns. You may want to speak about classroom differentiation. You do not want to throw your child's teacher under the bus but you also can not let her dictate his whole year because otherwise it will be a whole year wasted (which we have all have happened). However, if the principal is not going to be willing to help then got to the next person in charge (administration). I just hope that they are willing to work with you.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. It sounds like maybe the teacher is in a "I learned it in graduate school so it must be gospel" thing, and really she has such limited experience with the real-world. It's lously that you're having to be the one to educate her about the real-world.

About reading acceleration, I think you should let your DS check out whatever he wants from the library (especially since this will appease the teacher). BUT, then I'd also have him read more appropriate things that either you have in your collection at home or that you get from the public library. Would the teacher be open to your son taking AR tests at school on books you have at home? You can find out which AR tests your school has by asking the librarian, usually. Another option is for you to google "reading comprehension questions" for a book your child has read and just see how well they do answering them. My kids are always bringing home too-easy books from the school library, and they read them at bedtime for fun, but I make sure that this is not what they read for their required 20 minutes of daily reading. IME, reading acceleration can be fairly easily accomplished at home.

For all the rest, though, the school really has to step up. For now it might be okay that your DS is able to focus on non-academic skills, but he will figure those things out fairly quickly, and then what? And I totally get what you're saying about your DS getting so frustrated at a little challenge. Ironically, you're right that the solution is for him to be challenged regularly in school. I hope the principal can help you work with the teacher to do this.

Thanks Jules726 and mnmom23 for your advice. It's really helpful!

I actually saw a few glimmers of hope from the school this week. The District TAG coordinator came to the elementary school and tested DS, just as she promised. I happened to meet her on Tuesday after she had just completed her second testing session with DS. Since DS was there, we didn't have an opportunity to really talk. But she did whisper on the side to me, "He's VERY smart!" And she has been teaching for over 20 years, so she has quite a bit of experience from which to draw. This gives me some hope that she might be a good advocate for us.

At this point, I'm going to wait for the school's test scores to come back and for a meeting with the District TAG coordinator and others. I'm hopeful that at that meeting, my request for acceleration will be better received!

But mnmom23, I like your ideas about the reading acceleration. I will try those out. Thanks!