Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Elementary School Kindergarten 2009-2010

Things are going pretty well with DS5 in school. I am happy because he met with the district math admin as well as a consultant who is a professor of math from a local university who has volunteered to meet with DS5 for a school consult. They met with DS5 yesterday and are genuinely interested in how his mind works and how he figures things out. The district math admin is going to meet with DS5 once a week (under the guidance of the professor) to work on more challenging math with DS5 and they are also using a program in the classroom as well. I am so happy that they are moving on this and going above and beyond what I had hoped for. Things have come a LONG way from our first meeting where I was quite discouraged and I am thankful for that. So for all of you who have had discouraging meetings, there is hope. : )

So happy things are going in the right direction.

I'm assuming here, GM5, that you mean that you GD5 was tested up to 3rd grade, and then the tester stopped. If so, this just drives me crazy!

Have your read '5 levels of Giftedness' (used to be named 'Loosing our Minds; Gifted Children left behind,' or something like that)by Dr. Deb Ruf? I reccomend it to you because I don't think you are getting the 'LOG' aspect of things. Reading at age 3 is a tipoff that you probably aren't dealing with the kind of giftedness that is 'just a bit brighter than bright' which most (2/3) of giftedness is. The higher LOGs are really rare, and it isn't suprising that the school doesn't know what to make of your GD.

I'm thinking that since your DD works in the afternoons and evening, maybe a few years of homeschooling wtih DD doing the bulk, and you being in charge of 'fun' and 'excursions' in the afternoons. Is that a possibility?

I'm also wondering if the school psychologist is the same as the counselor. It seems like the school psychologist 'gets it' about your GD, and maybe she or he could be more active about demanding that your GD get a placement that works for her academically. Personally, I'm not a big fan about getting advanced work brought into the classroom, as those situations seem to make a lot of work for the school, and moving the child is sometimes simpler. Not sure if your GD would put up the 'big boys' though.

Have you considered getting the help of an Occupational Therapist to help you GD deal with her OEs? they call it 'Sensory Integration' and have a variety of ways of helping kids get their sensory more integrated. I think part of it is a maturational thing, and I'm all in favor of speeding up a lagging maturation when it's driving everyone crazy.

I get the sense that you have long years of experience with being highly sensitive and highly intense. That's bad because it means that all your old baggage comes with you. That's good for 2 reasons - 1: helps you unpack your old baggage
2: once you master yours, you are in a great position to help GD master hers.

For this I reccomend lots of venting, journaling and posting. I also reccomend a parenting approach that seems (to me) to be tailor made for our Intense/Senstive/Needy Gifties http://www.energyparenting.com/products/item15.cfm
Transforming the Difficult Child by Howard Glasser

Anyway, Welcome with big waving open arms GD5.
Grinity


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Those programs are targeted (usually) to the 2/3 of gifted kids who are closest to 'bright.' Very often they are totally useless to kids with the higher LOG, unless they are combined with gradeskips, and subject accelerations, and other enrichment opportunities.
Did you know, GM5, that the 'more of the same' problem is so common that it has it's own abreviation? MOTS!
Love and More Love,
Grinity

GM5: I don't have any great words of wisdom, particularly beyond the great advice of Grinity and others, but just wanted to chime in with support. Vent all you want here.

It's unbelievable how they treated her at the school clinic. That's the kind of thing that makes a kid, whether sensitive or not, want to avoid a place that's supposed to help them.

In general, your situation sounds like a bad one. It seems like your particular school can't meet your GD's needs and isn't really planning on trying. Is there some other schooling situation you can find?

Yes, the Pre-K school psycholgist (part time consultant) said she did not bring any materials to test her past 3rd grade. She wanted to do more/different tests but said she was obviously "way up there" so the school did not want her do any more. DD insisted on academic testing since the psych. was assessing her. I think the teachers expected a diag. of ADHD or other disorder & didn't get it.

I have not read "5 levels of Giftedness" - I'll look into it. We really don't know her LOG. Sometimes I think she's just mildly gifted, other times highly gifted. Who knows? The school insists they have never had a child like GD but I think they are only referring to her emotional intensity. BTW, the principal saw her happy and excited the other day and was very surprised to see that from her. My DD said yes, she gets as happy and excited as she does sad and upset. Every emotion/action is at full tilt!

Unfortunately my DD has her own dance studio and teaches 2 mornings a week as well as having a lot of choreography, office work etc. to do during the day. She tries to spend all of her week-ends with GD unless there is a convention or competition (5x/yr). I also work there keeping the books. So homeschooling would fall on me right now and I have offered if necessary but GD loves the social aspect of school and that would be a last resort.

The psych. who assessed her last year worked with the Private Pre-K she was attending. The counselor I mentioned is at the elementary school. My DD is waiting to hear from the elementary psychologist to meet. The admin. made a big point of telling DD that the psych only works at their school (not sure that's a good thing). GD's aversion to boys is fairly recent - she's always had friends who were boys. The only thing GD is behind in (or at level) is writing. She does not like to write (perfectionist tendencies and fine motor skills are not great although getting better). I don't know how she would react even if they were willing to move her up in some subjects (which they won't consider).

I was reading another thread recently about Sensory Integration and OT's. Not sure if the condition applies to her, but I've wondered if some of the techniques would still help. DD is going to see what the "Play Therapist" says - anyone had experience with that?

I'll also look at the website you mentioned re parenting approach. I appreciate any and all suggestions and mostly the support.

GD goes to the public school in our district. When DD can afford her own place, she will move into a different school district but no guarrantees that will be better. There is a magnet program in the general area, but we are out of district and it's doubtful we could get in - also a long drive away. There again, no guarantees. There is a private school for the gifted I would be willing to drive her to, but it is VERY expensive. Also, you have to pay to be screened for entry and pass certain tests etc. I have suggested to DD if things don't get better, she go tour the school and talk to them about GD. Knowing her LOG would probably help with the decision. I sometimes wish I had the parental standing to do more myself, but I know DD will do all she can. Neither one of us has been sleeping well lately. If we can get GD's emotional reactions improved, maybe we can find an educational solution. The schools don't seem to be willing to consider how boring every day is to her and how that might contribute to her behavior.

She's had a couple of good days until today - based on her daily conduct reports, but at least no meltdowns or office visits for a week now. Will let you all know how things go.

Thanks for the expressions of support - means a lot.

I'm so sorry your GD is going through all of that, GM5. It's things like this that made me look for alternate education options before Wolf went to school!

Wolf is doing well. We've been having some focusing problems and refusing to do work, but I've been working with his teacher and I think we've got it sorted out. We've jumped him from 1st grade phonics to 3rd grade and since he loves logic and finished the 2-4 grade book he's getting to move on to the 3-6 grade book. We're still getting to pretest spelling and only do the words he doesn't know (basically we're compacting the book). The thing that has helped the most though is that the unit he's on in math is almost totally new to him so he stays engaged and excited through the whole lesson!

That is all quite frustrating. My DS5 has some behavior issues at school...my guess is about 90% of the time it is because the work is not appropriate, and the other 10% is that is a little more immature than his peers in some way. He skipped K and is in first so he is significantly younger than some of the kids and had never been in a full day setting until this year. Anyhow, for us behavior is completely linked to academics. thankfully I think our school is starting to get that...but there were times when it seemed like they just wanted to address the behaviors because those stick out a lot more. They have done a lot more for him in the classroom in regards to differentiation...but still the times when he acts out is usually during very simple worksheets that are several grade levels under what he should be doing. It's tough because they have done a lot already, so I am picking my battles but still keeping in contact with them about ways to make his work more appropriate for him.

I agree with grinity about the OT, the school should be able to do OT evals there, or you could go to an outside source. It does sound like that would be beneficial. I am a school social worker who used to be a child therapist who did a lot of play therapy. I still do but now since I work with 4 and 5yos, but now I am in the school setting. I do work with children that have OT issues more about managing intense feelings and expressing themselves in different ways to deal with their emotions. Also about ways to slow down, focus, etc. Play therapy can be very useful with children providing you have someone who knows what they are doing. But OT does completely different stuff for sensory integration. I would suggest looking into that as well.

Ran across this on a local GT forum. Thought it might interest/be useful to some of you:

http://www.accelerationinstitute.org/resources/policy_guidelines/Acceleration%20Guidelines.pdf