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Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 383
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OP
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Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 383 |
Seriously, yes it makes me feel good as a parent, but I worry what it will do to DD when she gets older. I am talking about the "Oh My God, How old is she?" And "omg! she is so smart" and the "omg" response after everything she says. We had this twice today. Once with a new parent at the library story time. I can't even count how many times this was said.....then we took a walk and (well we live in a small town and everyone talks to everyone) we met a lady who started talking to DD and we had it again....everything was "OMG". DD didn't see to be paying to much attention to either of these because she was busy talking and playing at the library and was busy talking about the ladybug she had gotten to crawl on her hand on our walk. This lady was lamenting the loss of the gifted program our district use to have once she started talking to DD. Her son went through it. Anyway, Yes it makes me proud as a parent that others recognize DD's giftedness wih out me pointing it out, but I worry about what constantly hearing this is going to do to her.
How do you respond so that it she doesn't get affected negatively by it?
DD6- DYS
Homeschooling on a remote island at the edge of the world.
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 330
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 330 |
Hi,
DS2 hasn't seemed to notice yet either.
Lately I've been trying to ignore the people's actual question/comment and say, "yes he just fascinated by insects [insert subject matter of OMG comment]" and pause and smile as if to say, "aren't kids a trip". It seems to make the person focus on DSs interest/enjoyment rather than his knowledge level or age. Sometimes they'll even say something like, "oh my nephew was kind of like that, except he liked Y". I like that approach because it doesn't sound dismissive (like when I say, "oh he's not 3 he's just a bit tall for his age").
Polly
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 529
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 529 |
Ah, I feel so lucky that DD has always been such an introvert, and these comments have been so infrequent. She still doesn't say much in public, and most of our friends are very understanding. DD read something in front of one of my good friends the other day and my friend had the perfect, bland, "yep, that's what it says" response. I am so glad that I warned her ahead of time that DD could read--but, then again, this friend is so great that I doubt her reaction would have been different even if it had been a surprise.  On the other hand, my parents were recently in town and every time DD would read something (and by "something" I mean two words that she could have read a year ago) my dad would totally go overboard and flip out completely. No wonder DD spent the rest of the visit insisting that Grandma read to her instead of the other way around.  Lame. Oh well, I think my dad's head would have popped if she'd really shown her skills. As for what to say, I'm not sure there's much. I suspect that your conversation will have the least impact if you play it totally cool. Personally, I think a little, "Huh? Oh, yeah, okay," in a totally bored voice goes a long way. 
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 921
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 921 |
DSalmost6 really likes "showing off" his smarts, but at the same time, he is involved in activities that the OMG factor doesn't apply, so it rounds him out. He started to notice at age 3, but has never been rude or mean about it.
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 430
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Posts: 430 |
I usually just say thanks to the person. DS is normally so involved with whatever he's doing at the time that he doesn't notice at all.
Because he has two step brothers around the same age I guess he knows that he can do more than them but to him it's not even a topic of conversation. My step son has asked me a year or so ago why DS could read and he couldn't but DS has never mentioned it. I guess he thinks it's just normal.
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 7,207
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 7,207 |
Dr. Sylvia Rimm is always talking about this, and i think that she makes a lot of sense. http://www.sylviarimm.com/article_htp.html1. Praise moderately to avoid pressure; postpone superpraise. Praise conveys your values to your children and sets expectations for them. Lack of praise conveys the message that you don�t believe in them. Reasonable praise, like good thinker, hard worker, smart, creative, strong, kind, and sensitive, sets high but reasonable expectations that are within your children�s reach. Words like perfect, the best, natural athlete, most beautiful, and brilliant can set impossible expectations. Children internalize those expectations, and the expectations become pressures when children find they can�t achieve those high, impossible goals. 2. Don�t discuss children�s problem behaviors within their earshot (referential speaking). Discussion about children also sets expectations for them. If they hear you talking to grandparents and friends about how jealous or mean they are, if you refer to them as little devils or ADHD kids, if they�re constantly described as shy or fearful, they assume you�re telling the truth and believe they can�t control these problem behaviors. http://www.sylviarimm.com/article_girlsresil.html8. Your daughters are listening. Whether you talk directly to them or you talk about them to your partner, parent, teacher, or your friends, they hear what you say and are likely to believe you. Describing their performances as extraordinary, best, or brilliant puts extreme pressure on them. Discussing their sadness or disappointment within their hearing causes them to feel sorry for themselves and think they have serious problems or are even depressed. If your chit chat with reference to your daughters sounds positive and more moderate, they�ll be unlikely to feel over-pressured and will feel more positive about their futures. Most of her parenting books touch on this exact topic - http://www.sylviarimm.com/howtoparent.html for example Interestingly, she observes that unusally physically attractive preschoolers are in the same boat. Being 'remarked over' repeatedly, for a trait that has no bearing on character, but was strictly 'how the child came' has a negative effect on children. I love the example above about how Grandfather's verbal cues were totally transparent to a child of such a young age. The response of asking Grandma to be the one who does the reading is totally predictable. And this is a child who doesn't usually 'act remarkable in public.' I know that I make it perfectly clear to DS as a toddler and preschooler that the first priority was to 'pipe down and blend in.' Now when I try to encourage him to 'bring in that article for your science teacher' and he responds by saying: "Oh, Mom, I don't want to be THAT kid" I wish I had been more accepting of myself and his difference back then. So now I do my penance here. I like Rimm's suggestion to parry the 'OMG' response by highlighting a 'character trait' that is involved and giving a genuine, but not over the top, compliment. 'Why yes, I'm so pleased that DC is curious about so many things. I think that a key to being a happy person, don't you?' Love and More Love, Grinity
Coaching available, at SchoolSuccessSolutions.com
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 529
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Posts: 529 |
Interestingly, she observes that unusally physically attractive preschoolers are in the same boat. I get that. DD actually gets a lot more attention for her appearance (i.e., blonde curls). I consider myself (and herself) fortunate that she's got other unusual features that sometimes garner ambivalent or even negative comments. Once a woman in the grocery store saw her, froze, stared for a minute, and then said, "That face works." Uhhh...thanks?
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,840
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,840 |
Mr W's daycare workers are all over him - and his relatives are quite surprised. His personality is his most winning trait - and the focus on that aspect hides his other traits.
At home, we do not make a big deal of anything he does.
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 91
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Interestingly, she observes that unusally physically attractive preschoolers are in the same boat. I get that. DD actually gets a lot more attention for her appearance (i.e., blonde curls). I consider myself (and herself) fortunate that she's got other unusual features that sometimes garner ambivalent or even negative comments. Once a woman in the grocery store saw her, froze, stared for a minute, and then said, "That face works." Uhhh...thanks? The lady in the grocery store was gushing over my dd3. She actually said to her "I bet it's difficult for your mommy to get mad at you." I just said "oh, you'd be surprised." She really is very pretty and we get constant stares. Sometimes I just want to say, "you think she's cute, you should see how smart she is" but I resist the temptation. Ironically dd3 dresses in boy clothes and is a total tomboy.
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,299
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Once a woman in the grocery store saw her, froze, stared for a minute, and then said, "That face works." Uhhh...thanks? Too funny! Maybe she had read Sylivia Rimm's book.
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