Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Gifted and intensity?

I get the intensity with learning with gifted.

But I don't get the intensity with other areas. We seem to have big feelings and more drama than needed in our house. I have worked thru some of this like helping with transitions. Any thoughts that can help me understand my gifted kids better with intensity?

I'm thinking it's common for a gifted preschooler to have trouble in preschool with aggressiveness. Do you agree?

Are there sensory issues? Or executive functioning issues? Or ADHD with impulsivities? These issues,, and probably ones I've missed, can magnify intensities and make behavior more unpredictable.

I recommend the book "Living with Intensity" edited by Susan Daniels (I think...). It looks at giftedness, intensity and development through Dabrowski's theories lenses. It also gives tips and ideas to help them better regulate their intensity (versus trying to make them vanish it).

Another great thread! We don't so much have difficulty with agressiveness as we do with sensitivities and impulsivity. Drama is a great word to describe what we deal with my ds6! One of his favorite phrases is "overly dramatic" which is quite ironic because he never uses it to describe himself! I'm sorry I don't have any advice, but I'd love to hear some myself!

We have been reading Calvin & Hobbs comic stips. That seems to mimick our drama. I keep wondering if DS will relate it to his life. You may want to get this. The comic relief is very wonderful.

Mam - thanks for the book reccomend. I'll try it.

Too funny! My DS8 says he doesn't like little kids because they talk all the time about random stuff, jump around and interrupt all the time, so they are annoying. I just look at him in amazement and say "Really???, That IS annoying."

Could you clarify your question a bit, onthegomom? I'm not sure if you're asking about intensity in general or about aggressiveness in particular.

Intensity in general is, I think, an attribute of giftedness (though it's certainly not confined to the gifted population!!).

I think that intensity can be good and bad: it's good because it can drive someone to do something new or difficult. It can also feed into persistence in the face of adversity. It can be bad if there aren't any controls on it and the person goes too far without realizing it's time to quit.

So the thing that makes it good can also make it bad.

Our house is full of intensity. Even the cats are intense around here. I mean, someone could probably feed the power grid off the intensity in this place, if only they could hook us up.


Val

With my DS when he is intensely doing something and someone interferes with his goal he can get aggressive. Sometimes he is so driven he forgets about what is important. The situation has improved over the years. It's hard to help him because it is natural to be mad and that makes it worse.

I do see the value of intensity with his learning he has amazing focus and can really study something, trying lots of variations and repetitions.

My ds, now 9, was a pretty aggressive guy as a toddler, and for several years after. For instance, if he wanted to give you a hug, he would run at you, full throttle, practically knock you over or bang into you hard to deliver the 'hug'. It was disconcerting. Also, in play, he is very hands-on wants to hug people, preferring more physical contact than most kids it seems. As for behavior when frustrated, if we needed to interrupt an activity, etc., he would kick and scream more often than not. I remember we were at a restaurant around age 1 and he was upset about something, started thrashing around and ended up banging his face straight down onto the table, well that huge bruise looked great for several days!!
Also extremely high energy, creative and seemed musically inclined/interested in rhythm, I figured I would put him in tap class and maybe that would help get some exercise/some of that aggression out, and perhaps instill some sense of grace.

Probably most of his progress is just in growning out of this phase, greater ability to express himself, etc., but I think the dancing was and continues to be a great activity for him. A place to enjoy his body rather than get frustrated with it, and a time for relaxing/fun music and as he put it to me once, it is nice because he is able to stop thinking quite so much. In short, I guess it is relaxing for him.

We are living through this even more intensely with dd3.5, though perhaps my memories of ds are softened. She is amazingly aggressive, frustrates extremely easily, although often reasonable discussion will calm her. I am focusing on trying to get her first reactions to be 'oh I need help', instead of 'AAAARG!!!'. It is taking some time

Chris1234, very interesting. My DS(5) is doing the same "hug" technique. It never really occur to me, that it could be part of his gifted intensity.
My DS if he is happy, he is really happy. If he is sad, it seems like the world is crumbling down in pieces. If he is interested in something new, the whole surrounding knows about it and everybody has to be living, breathing his current interest or discovery.
When he was about 4, there was a period for couple of months that he did not wanted to go anywhere out of our house. Not even his favorite places (like science museum),visit at grandma's house, or going out to a restaurant. It was scary for me. But it sorted its self out without any outside help.
At times DS has bad dreams about how people are throwing out things into garbage, that can be recycled, how the garbage hills are growing.
We never really had an issue with aggressive behavior other than resulting from wanting to touch more other kids or hug them.
But we are living with "intense intensity" every day. I take it as a part of the package deal. It worried me for awhile, but the more I read about gifted children, the more I know, that it is just the way their brain is working.