Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy I don't know what to do??? Ideas?

I remember having an "I can't do it!" moment when I was 9. I was at camp for the first time and had to take a swimming test. The water was freezing and I was so cold, I could barely move (I've always been super-sensitive to the cold). I had never taken a swimming test or group lessons and didn't really understand what was going on.

They kept asking me to do stuff and I stood there freezing saying "I can't!!" It wasn't that I couldn't go underwater or whatever. It was that I didn't understand what they wanted or why they wanted it, and I was focusing on my own agenda, which was to GET OUT OF THE WATER!!!

The result: I was placed in the beginner group.

Kids naturally focus on their own agendas without even realizing why an evaluation exists, let alone being able to consider how it might affect them or how others see them in context of the evaluation (I've even noticed that many young adults don't have this skill fully developed). Explaining things doesn't necessarily help, at least not with the kids I've encountered. Trying to push very young children to deal with school on these terms could be counterproductive on the school's part.

Val

When DS6 was radically accelerated to 4th, one of the major issues was his writing skill. We specifically requested that a provision be written into his IEP that allowed him use of a keyboard for anything that required any length of writing.

The issue here is that I'm not sure you can get an IEP without testing first, can you?

In our area testing is part of the IEP and all you have to do is ask in writing for one and the district is required to give one.

Wolf's teacher is allowing him to dictate things to me because he has a perfectly normal writing ability for a 5 yr old and is doing 1st and 2nd grade work. You can't expect physical development to necessarily mirror mental development. It's also just plain wrong to penalize a kid for having age appropriate physical skills when he deserves education that matches his mental development.

I've noticed that Wolf says "I don't know" as a stock answer. It pops out before his brain even kicks in. It is also a lot more prevalent when he is bored and the work is stuff he already knows, which I find rather amusing...

Yes my son's first inclination is to say "I don't know" then I look at him and he gives me the answer. Exactly, Wyldkat - why would they expect physical development to match mental development? You'd have to argue the converse that a child with beautiful handwriting several years ahead is HG+.

Writing holds him back for reading? We ran into the motor skills issue in 1st when DD was moved to 3rd for reading. The teacher simply made accomodations (for homework I would type it as she recited it to me) or allowed her to tell her what she would have written. It seems odd to hold a child back for something that will occur with time.

Is the problem really handwriting/motor skills or spelling and grammar? My DS4 reads above the 5th grade level but couldn't (or wouldn't) write a complete sentence when he started kindergarten this year. He was a terrible speller, didn't know how to use capital and lower case letters correctly, didn't space words or use punctuation correctly, etc. Realizing all of this, his teacher has decided to devote all of his daily reading instruction time to working on spelling and writing and dealing with the perfectionism that rears its head in the process. This means DS4 isn't getting much reading instruction in school at all, but he is definitely being challenged, his writing is improving by leaps and bounds, and in just a month he's become much more comfortable with making mistakes. So, for now, I'm comfortable with focusing on writing at the expense of reading.

The same was done for my DS. He was reading 2nd grade books in K (highest teacher would go) but the teacher focused on his writing skills which were actually above grade level. So while his books were not challenging, he had to write main character, conflict, setting and resolution. But he was at least at the highest reading level allowed which was 2grades above. The poster indicated the teacher is in fact keeping her DS in the lowest reading group even though he's the highest reader of all K classes. Those are two very different things.

Some ideas -
1) Hothouse writing. Get a copy of handwriting without tear book and do 10 minutes a day afterschool. he will complain - just be firm, and tell him that when he reaches a goal (you'll have to pick a reasonable one) and is practicing writing in school, ahem, that he won't have to do it at home anymore. You may offer a bribe.

2) make an appointment to sit down with the teacher an listen to 'exactly' what her observations and concerns are. Gently introduce the idea of LOG, and that if he is too far below his readiness level, he won't act like a typical bright kid.

3) Don't waste money on an IQ test to 'show the school.' Ask for 'end of year tests' from 2nd and 3rd grade to show them what he knows in their own 'language.' OR say you think he has a learning disability because his writing is so far below his reading (LOL!) and ask the school to do a formal assesment. This request has to be in written hard copy.

Best Wishes,
Grinity

I wish I had a suggestion for you. We had the same problem with my DS7 last year (when he was in public school--we are now homeschooling). The county rule was that he couldn't advance in reading until he matched his reading level in writing skill (not actual handwriting, but being willing to write answers about what he was reading). This was very frustrating to him, because he was being forced to read Judy Moody at school when he was reading medical books (written for med students) at home.

He once wrote on a paper that the questions did not deserve to be answered because they were so obvious. We (teacher & parents) tried to explain that he just needed to answer them to prove he understood the literature. He did not understand why you would have to prove that you know the answer to such simple questions--he just thought they were way too obvious.

Now that he is homeschooled, I've started a new writing program with him that has a very scientific approach. It has taken his fear of writing away, because it is VERY structured. I think he likes it because it helps give his thoughts structure. He definately thinks faster than he writes.

Good luck working through your son's issues. My heart goes out to you!