Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums GT Research NutureShock-The damage we cause by over-praising

I have seen numerous discussions here on this subject, thought the group would find this article interesting. Curious to know if anyone has read this book yet, the wait at my library is forever long.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=113347007

The days of the so-called "helicopter parent" are numbered � or they should be, according to author Po Bronson. "Sure, he's special. But new research suggests if you tell him that, you'll ruin him. It's a neurobiological fact."

Although the impulse to hover over our kids may stem from the best of intentions, Bronson argues that over-praising and over-nurturing may do more harm than good. His new book NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children expands on a series he wrote with co-author Ashley Merryman for New York magazine, exploring how American pop culture has misread the fine print of parental research.

-Guy

Hi, thanks for this - it looks interesting. Have you read "Punished by Rewards" (Alfie Kohn)? It was recommended to DH and me and although we never read all the way through it, it certainly raised a number of interesting issues and changed the way that we did some things!

Funny -- I don't recall being interviewed by this author. This could have been a discussion about our son.

I haven't read the book, although this teaser chapter may prompt me to do so (if for no other reason than to learn about the recommended antidote).

I think we've instinctively avoided the "You're so smart" mantra, but he still gets a large dose of it from everyone else with whom he comes into contact. If the research outlined in this book is correct, then I assume the external praise is having some negative effect, but there's not much we can do about that, is there?

I've got to stop reading all this research. Sometimes it just makes my head POUND!

I've got one of these kids too. The Optimistic Child also deals with this issue, and includes results of school experiments in which some children were used as the control group and others had the importance of effort drummed into them, with positive results.

lol, exactly. Figured many of us could relate to this

How much of it is praise and how much of it is the nature of the gifted child. When so many things come easy for a child w/little or no struggle it makes sense then when something doesn't come so easy that child may not want to do it. Goes back to perfectionism. If they can't do it perfect they don't want to do it. Our DS6 can't draw a real looking person so he doesn't want to draw at all.

I can honestly say that I received almost no praise growing up (Not that I was put down either, but my father never praised except for very rare off-hand comments), and I had the same issues. While I agree with over-praising being a large issue nowadays, I think this particular dimension of gifted children is not based on that and has been around a lot longer than overpraising issues have been.

Great, now I have something else to worry about! ; )

Thanks for posting the link and I've added it to my library queue. The experiment with the Chinese and American mothers was eye-opening.

The author was interviewed on the Utah Public Radio show called "RadioWest." You can download a free podcast at iTunes. The whole show was very interesting.
It makes me glad that we always rewarded perseverance and effort at least as much as results.