Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Perfecting the Morning Routine

My DS9 is giving me a hard time about his morning routine. I have gently been trying to work on this for over a year. Maybe someone can give me a fresh approach. My children never go for the rewards or stickers approach. They usally gain progress thru talking when we are not in the middle of the situation and give them ideas of how it would feel good or be helpful or other benefits. Here we seem to be stuck.

My DD6 is very good with her morning routine. I'm trying to not tell DS9 what to do but then he just doesn't get it done. I made a sticky note list on the Vitamins at the kitchen table so I could just say please do your moringing list and make him think and be incharge of it. I do not yell or tell him he is in trouble or bad. If he says may I go on the computer? If I ask him if he is done or tell him he needs to make his bed he yells at me about it. I'd say after your morning list is done. Then he yells and loses it. I don't understand why he is not taking charge here. He keeps inviting me to take charge my acting this way. This seems like such a simple routine to achieve. If we all follow it it makes the mornig less stressful and pleasant - a good start to the day.

Here our the plan.
Get dresses & make bed, leave room neat
have breakfast
take care of your breakfast dish, wipe table spot, sweep crumbs
brush teeth, hair combed
play if have time before school

Ah, the morning routine. It's been tough for us in the past too. Our DS9 has pretty much the same responsibilities as yours. One thing we've learned is best for us is to *not* allow video/computer games before school, no matter if he's ready. We tried it that way in the past, as long as he was ready, and it ended up being a nightmare. So, now the rule is no video/computer games before school - ever. He can watch TV, but he's got to be up and moving by a certain time. If he's not, the TV goes off right then and there.

For us, it took consistently sticking by our rules and not engaging in the arguing that would sometimes ensue. That was a hard one for me, because like you, I didn't get why it had to be so difficult when it could be so easy. I much prefer a pleasant start to the day, but I don't always get it. He's better about it now, and when he starts to argue or whine about it, I just tell him that he knows what needs to be done and by when and I leave it at that and walk away. That's what has worked (so far) for us.

Oh, and once or twice when DS was late for school (due to not being ready) I made *him* tell the office person/teacher when asked why he was tardy and needed a late pass. I think that took care of not being ready to go by the designated time.

Good luck.

Not to a pessimist or anything, but:

BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!

OK. Seriously. For our household almost all our success hinges on one thing... getting to bed on time the night before.

If he's in bed & asleep by 9:15p or so, he will *always* wake up @ 6:30a all on his own. (In fact, I have come to rely on him for our alarm clock.) We discuss the "deal" at nighttime and (rarely) allow any morning negotiations or modifications.

His 6:30a rising allows a very comfortable 75 minutes to get out of the house. And provided he gets everything done, he's allowed to bang around on the computer until it's time to go. The key is to be 100% ready FIRST.

If I come downstairs and he's not ready & is on the CPU, I hit the power button & send him up to finish... and then the computer "carrot" is taken away for a few days.

I remember back to my own trials and tribulations with morning duties and am so tickled at how well he's done. It almost helps to make up for some of the knucklehead stuff he does at other times (almost).

Our second is starting K this year and has already been part of our "routine" for the last several months... and nearly every time our morning "falls apart" it can be traced back to not getting in bed on time the night before.

My two cents... a special gift for you :-)

We are working on our morning routine again...

I'm realizing the kids are staying up too late reading. They are too crabby to me in the morning. I was letting them be a judge for how tired they are to self regulate. This worked for my son of a while but not any more. And now that my daughter is reading on her own she is up too late reading. (I'm sure there are Mom's that would wish for this problem.) My DD is having a hard time getting out of bed. My DS is not completing his morning list before he goes to curl up with a blanket on the heat vent. I am going to enforce a lights out time at 9:00 and hope the morning will improve. This morning issue is important to me. I don't need aggravation in the morning. The kids also need to be rested for a good school day and to encourage good behavior.

I know my gifted son will be putting up a fight with this. It is hard for him to turn off his brain and go to sleep. I think he stays up to 10:00 or 11:00. I have warned him things must change, so he needs to fix this or I will. I go to bed at 9:00 so I don't see any other way to do this. I have taught them some relaxation exercises and visualization to prepare for sleeping if they want to use it.

Any other ideas? I really don't want to fight about this.

My kids would receive an immediate consequence for this.

About the sleeping part... When I was in elementary and high school I don't think I ever fell asleep before midnight and my bedtime was 9 and then later, 10. I wasn't allowed to read, the room had to be dark, but I simply could not sleep. I am not wired for an early bedtime and my brain needs that time to wind down. Relaxation things didn't work for me and I got enough exercise. Mornings have always been hard for me, but I can't force myself to sleep early so I do my best.

It could be your kids are wired differently than you are. Also some kids like ours physically need less sleep, although I'm not sure if that is the same case mentally, and they ought to be a bit better in the morning than you described. If you enforced the lights off, no reading after 9 (which I think you should) you might find them still wide awake hours later. If this happens here is what my solution has been for years. Tell them to create a story in their heads. If they can't read let them work that imagination! What should happen (hopefully) is that they will get so involved in the story that they drift off without realizing it.

Best of luck!

Do you think it might help if they would not read in their bed. They could read up until 9 when you go to bed and them go to sleep with no reading. I always like to finish my books and have hard time sleeping if I'm still in the middle of it. I used to read with a flash lamp under my bed when I was in elementary school. Still if I continue reading when DH turns of his light I have hard time of stopping and going to sleep. For me it helps if I only sleep in my bed and bedroom.

Oh, I forgot to add the sleep rules that I have found through my research on the subject.

1. Do nothing but sleep in the bed. (trains the mind/body that the bed is ONLY for sleep)
2. Dark room.
3. Cool temperature.
4. No caffeine at the very least 4 hours before bed.
5. No exercise shortly before bed. (revs up the metabolism making it harder to sleep)
6. No HOT baths/showers right before bed. (raises body temp which actually makes it harder to sleep)
7. NO TV or computer shortly before bed. (revs up the brain making it harder to sleep)

If you can achieve all of that they might actually sleep soon after going to bed.

Thanks for all the inspiration!!!!!! I decided to do a lights out at for my DD6 at 9:00 and DS9 10:30. We are trying this to see if things improve. I'm also armed with your new ideas to help it go better.

PS. My title should be worded: working on the Morning Routine. I really don't care if it's perfect. I just want my kids to feel good, be pleasant and responsible.