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Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 31
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Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 31 |
It is 100 % better with regards to speech in school. She's talking just fine in school this year. It only took 2 years  That's great Sciencemama!! So is her anxiety getting better?
What is selective mutism? selective mutism is a severe social anxiety disorder causing a person who normally can speak in places of comfort (like at home), reflexively shut down their speech in places of discomfort (like at school or in front of strangers). This goes beyond ordinary shyness/slow to warm up behavior. While most traditionally shy children might spend up to a month in a school setting being very quiet, they eventually relax and start talking. The selectively mute child simply can not. They want to, but they can't bring themselves to speak. It persists beyond the first month, and without proper assistance, it can persist into adulthood. It is basically a function of an improperly resolved primitive reflex - the fight/flight or freeze response. Most babies Moro Reflex and a little known Fear Paralysis Reflex gets integrated into the background. For those with selective mutism, it does not. The child feels "all eyes" are on them, and there is a high sense of "if I do something they will laugh at me" feeling. My daughter wanted to speak at times, but told me that "the words were there but wouldn't come out". Oftentimes, selectively mute children have higher than average intellect. I believe in part because they are so "switched on" to the world, nothing gets past, and because of asynchronous development - the cognitive abilities far surpass the emotional ones. There is usually a co-existing sensory processing issue as well - again, too switched on to the sensations coming in, increases anxiety. In case anyone would want to read about her journey, it's here Our Daughter's Selective Mutism Journey - the summary I blogged about it in order to help others. I think it has helped some parents cope and understand things a little better. Her social anxiety is pretty much gone after all we've done. Now she just has generalized anxiety - mostly about bad dreams and monsters. That's got to be so hard. I'm going look at your blog in a minute. Does she talk a little in school?
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Joined: Jan 2008
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Well this year is still getting worse. The last two days he got notes home from the teacher. He's running and skipping in the classroom and constantly talking to himself. Today the teacher took most of his recess away and said he was better after that. He's now telling me that he doesn't like school anymore  I was so optimistic about this year and as the days go by I get more and more negative. I feel like I'll never find a good fit for him. I'm sorry. It is still early, though. We have gotten a few days of "I hate school, school is dumb." But followed by a couple of good days. I'm guessing that it takes at least a month for everyone to get settled in kindy. I hope things get better for your DS.
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 96
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Alright folks. I could use some advice. DS5 is happy with K and his teacher and he doesn't misbehave when he's bored. But the work he brings home from school is unbelievably basic ... tracing 1-5 and gluing them next to pictures. Identifying top, middle and bottom. You get the picture. I've asked him if he's read anything to his teacher yet (it is week 3, after all). His answer: No. She hasn't asked me to. Then, he tells me that another little boy told him that 5-year-olds don't read yet. I heard DS5 tell another child yesterday afterschool that he could count to 1 million, and the child told DS5 that he didn't believe him.
None of this bothers my very mellow boy (other than he did tell me that he's tired of doing such easy work). Of course, it's all driving me nuts!
So, do I keep waiting for them to assess him? A former K teacher tells me that once they assess him, they should automatically move him to 1st grade for reading without me asking. I'd rather not fully grade skip him, but am wondering if I'm making the right decision. How would you handle it?
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 430
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Alright folks. I could use some advice. DS5 is happy with K and his teacher and he doesn't misbehave when he's bored. But the work he brings home from school is unbelievably basic ... tracing 1-5 and gluing them next to pictures. Identifying top, middle and bottom. You get the picture. I've asked him if he's read anything to his teacher yet (it is week 3, after all). His answer: No. She hasn't asked me to. Then, he tells me that another little boy told him that 5-year-olds don't read yet. I heard DS5 tell another child yesterday afterschool that he could count to 1 million, and the child told DS5 that he didn't believe him.
None of this bothers my very mellow boy (other than he did tell me that he's tired of doing such easy work). Of course, it's all driving me nuts!
So, do I keep waiting for them to assess him? A former K teacher tells me that once they assess him, they should automatically move him to 1st grade for reading without me asking. I'd rather not fully grade skip him, but am wondering if I'm making the right decision. How would you handle it? Have you talked to the teacher about what he's able to read? Maybe you can call her and talk to her before you decide what to do?
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 229
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 229 |
we're in a similar boat and i feel like calling the school and just saying everythign i think..tonite my DD's homework was to create an AB pattern out of a red and blue apple. Last night she had to "sing happy birthday to 5 children in her class, and have parent write the kids names in your homework notebook".. however..after dealing with the school for yesrs with my other child, i've learned the hard way that, unfotunately, you usually have to work very hard to preserve the ego of the teacher while at the same time getting your point across. This can be a tiresome process but generally goes like this "i don't know what to do, Sally just doesn't seem to be herself at homework time".. "what do you mean?".. so they are now in role of"solving" the problem..then add lots of "What do you thinks"..gently leading them to conclude what you already knew when you picked up the phone. good luck irene
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 921
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mom2twoboys - I'd talk with the teacher. Since he's so mellow, she may not even be aware of his capabilities.
And on my front... DS's testing is over with. We meet next week to discuss his results, etc. They scheduled the meeting for Thursday, but I asked to do it on Tuesday. If I have to wait an ENTIRE week, I might give myself an ulcer from the anxiety!!! I'm so nervous and excited I can't stand it.
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 847
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Well this year is still getting worse. The last two days he got notes home from the teacher. He's running and skipping in the classroom and constantly talking to himself. Today the teacher took most of his recess away and said he was better after that. He's now telling me that he doesn't like school anymore I was so optimistic about this year and as the days go by I get more and more negative. I feel like I'll never find a good fit for him. So sorry Jamie. I don't have much advice but I feel your pain. DS5 is in first and is having a rough time following directions, listening etc. I don't think his behaviors would be that atypical in K, but they are much less forgiving in first so he has lost half of recess a few times, and all of it one day. I am discouraged but still hopeful. They haven't at all started challenging him academically but they have talked about pulling him out to work with him and doing other things. This week is the first full week so it's all pretty new. I think they really are trying but are just not used to a child like this, which is understandable. Good luck! Keep us updated!
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,145
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DS8 who was not skipped had the same sorts of trouble in 1st grade with discipline issues, Shelly. For him it was about frustration and boredom. Update on my DS5: he is starting to talk negatively about K. *sigh* I'm encouraging him to talk specifically about what's bothering him even as I tell him that school is not optional and remind him that he has been telling me he's having a good time. So what's changed? It's not an easy balance. I don't want him to give up for no reason. But I also don't want him to be in an ill-fitting situation. And I don't want my concerns to influence how he feels about school. It's hard! He's also started doing 4-digit multiplication (with 0s in the 10s and 1s places) in his head without being taught.  He's fascinated by time, so he's figuring out how many seconds are in X minutes. He got 13 minutes correct, which surprised me since 13x60 seemed like a pretty tough problem, so I asked him to do one out loud--22 minutes--to let me hear how he was thinking it through. I realized that he was multiplying 20x60 and 2x60 and adding them together. The way he has leapt ahead in math is really shocking to me. To be honest, even though I already have one HG+ child, the sudden onset of this math ability and intense interest for DS5 is freaking me out. To make matters worse, I'm sure the teacher has no idea yet. They have yet to even count in class. It's a challenge...
Kriston
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Joined: Feb 2009
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Kriston, maybe he's being teased about something? Sometimes they state they hate school when in fact, they just have a problem they don't know how to deal with (DS5.5 had a tummy ache... after much prying, I found out he didn't want to ride the bus with one of the boys b/c he wouldn't stop acting like a chicken to DS when DS asked him to stop).
I'm sure he's bored as well, which doesn't help. Maybe you can ask him what HE would say if he were you and wanted to talk to his teacher???
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,917
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Update on my DS5: he is starting to talk negatively about K. *sigh* I'm encouraging him to talk specifically about what's bothering him even as I tell him that school is not optional and remind him that he has been telling me he's having a good time. So what's changed? It's not an easy balance. I don't want him to give up for no reason. But I also don't want him to be in an ill-fitting situation. And I don't want my concerns to influence how he feels about school. It's hard! We're dealing with this too. I hear more along the lines of "the only good parts are recess and lunch." Oh - and the pretty curly-haired girl. [Have I mentioned my major coup in getting her in the class because she was the only thing he liked about preschool?] Since this is the first full week, I'm letting all this slide for awhile. The kid has never done anything for 6 hours, so there's a big adjustment. So Kriston - surely you must be getting over your GT denial with DS2?  Shellymos - I'm sorry to hear about the troubles. But the good news is that they sound like they want to help. I hope the pullouts work out.
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