Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Push for grade skip now, or wait?

Ok. Well, now you know how far their willingness to help extends in the direction of reading studies...

I think you can comfort yourself with the fact that you have already gotten the self-paced reading and math, right? So you are not doing nothing. I think you can keep doing what you are doing, advocating, providing them with information...maybe a midyear skip could happen after winter break. Think of the subject accelerations as getting his feet wet in fifth grade. Since they are core subjects, it will certainly support your position that your DS is able to handle 5th grade.

I know those remarks about not being perfect are annoying! And I don't recall either of those criteria as being part of the IAS

I remember a conversation with my DS' teacher last year where I was trying to explain to her that he is a perfectionist. Her reply to that was, "Well, he's not perfect!"

All kids make mistakes. Perfection is not required of anyone else in order to move to the next grade! You are not trying to raise a child who never makes a mistake, you are trying to give him the opportunity to make mistakes and learn from them.

School administrators are fond of telling us that school is about more than academics. When they say things like that, agree with them! Your child needs to learn important life lessons that are being denied to him when he is underchallenged.

Those 4 weeks of waiting can be a killer...I made mine worse by sending in our application 2 weeks earlier than the cutoff!

I couldn't wait for the Davidson answer. Especially after being told in the GIEP meeting that DS could possibly thrive elsewhere. I made the leap to quit my job, take him out of school and start cyberschool before hearing from Davidson. This was all at the end of the school year, so everyone really thought I was a nut for not letting DS finish out the year. In my mind, those were 2 months of him sitting idle, of having extra "enrichment" math work sent home nightly...I wanted to get the ball rolling with cyberschool. I figured if things didn't work out, we could head back to the local district since we at least had the GIEP under our belt.

We received our DYS acceptance shortly after we started cybering. I felt like it was a sign that I made the right decision. I'm more confident if we happen to return to the local district, with the GIEP and the backing of Davidson if need be. I had to do what I felt was right at the time. I'm one of those "life is too short" people, and I couldn't leave him in an environment that I knew was taking away his love of learning.

FWIW, this is what the school did for my DS after testing, talking, meeting, etc....

DSthen8 started out in 3rd, but going to 4th for reading (school wide ability grouping for reading). Once all testing was completed and the meetings were had, it was decided that he would do academics with the same 4th grade teacher, but stay with 3rd grade class for lunch, recess, field trips, things of that nature. The school didn't want to totally disrupt the social aspect as he'd made friends and seemed to just start fitting in a little better (we had moved that year). He did just fine in 4th socially, too, but he'd been in 3rd through the identification process which was about half the year.

At the end of the year, his report card showed promotion to 5th and reflected completion of 3rd/4th simultaneously. Everyone was in agreement and it really seemed to be a very smooth transition. Don't know if it'll help or not, but just another option to present maybe???

Good luck to you.

I think the way the child feels about school is very significant. If you move him up a grade it sounds like that may not be enough.
Here's one suggestion for improvement. Find him something to do that he can be excited about at school. My DS did a few independent stuies all on his own last year. They gave him no guidelines and let him run with it. He told the gifted teacher what he did to learn read some books, made a diaroma, watched a movie on Brain Pop, made a quiz for the class and then he made a presentation to the class and gave out the quiz.

His teacher could also give him some breaks from the reviewing and then he could do alternate work that is related to what the class is doing.

Here is an example: at Math time if done early let him do sudoko Math puzzle or something else he likes.

I can feel your concern. Your son sounds much more advance than mine. I have read in some books that sometimes a little change can go along way to help a childs attitude about school when they don't feel challenge enough. Also explain to him why the teacher needs to repeat so much for the other children. I think patience come from more understanding others.

I hope you get some results with your school. When I first got our test results the tester just casual mentioned my DS abilitites and I totally freaked out that whole week. I wish you peace with this. Good luck

Great post. For all these reasons I'm thankful that, thus far, the one grade skip seems to have been just enough to keep DS engaged in school, even if he's not *fully* utilizing/realizing what he can do. He seems infinitely happier and that's OK with me.

Wow. What an incredible outpouring of thoughtful advice. I spent quite a bit of time contemplating our situation, and considering the experiences of others here along with some wonderfully insightful private messages, I'm feeling more confident about pushing forward. I think.

I took my son out for dinner last night and brushed gently on these topics amidst his excitement about various goings on. After all, he IS kind of the focus in all this, right?

One underlying concern for me is that he is happy where he is. He's not clamoring for a change one way or the other, and really hasn't given it much thought (that he's shared, anyhow).

He is very pleased with the ability to now work at his own pace in math, even though it will be more rigorous than following the classroom curriculum. And "reading" has always worked this way (self-paced) at his school, so that was nothing new to him.

We also reviewed his language arts book today and I asked if he'd like to do this on his own (@ school, like math) and he seemed interested, although probably didn't really give a whit either way. (I mean, seriously, WHO CARES about predicates, right?)

Science, though, is the one subject that is really near & dear to his heart. And he's already mentioned -- on his own -- that he's not happy doing everything over again this year. So that's one area I've definitely got to explore.

We both laughed about spelling... he got another 100% on his recent pre-test. I asked him if he'd like harder lists and he joked that they'd have to get out the high-school list before he'd be scared. But he said he also likes the "easy A+" each week. (Funny, but also a troubling sign in my book. I don't want him addicted to the "easy A+" in school.)

-- -- -- --

We don't allow the "B-Word" in our house, as it is always accompanied by long, drawn-out whining, "I'm soooooo booooooooored!!!" And we've had the talk in relation to school work since he was young, explaining that he will often be asked to do things that he already knows how to do, and that he will often finish ahead of the other students -- AND -- that he's not allowed to complain about it, as this is disrespectful to the teacher. (And it's not particularly polite to the other students, either.) He's allowed to ask for other work/projects when he's done, or he can ask to read -- he just can't whine to his teacher or make a big production out of it.

With that said, the teacher pointed out to me, "Well he doesn't complain about the work being too easy!" Dang. So much for that exercise in discretion.

He did, however, use the "b-word" for the first time a week or so ago, before he shifted to his own math program. The teacher asked him directly if he had a problem with his math worksheet (because DS was goofing around) and DS answered honestly, "It's boring."

-- -- -- --

It'd be so easy to plant all these thoughts in his head -- or to underscore & support those he may already harbor -- but so far, he's not soured about the level of his work. This leaves me in the difficult position of wanting/needing to request these various curriculum changes based largely on the fact that "I know what's best for my child."

I know the work is too easy for him. I know he's not exerting ANY effort (other than with handwriting) to get his grades. And I know that this is not a good thing.

But he doesn't really know any different. He doesn't come home complaining about how easy stuff is... or begging for harder work... or anything like that. And I don't want to let it get to that point before I make changes on his behalf. So I suppose I'm feeling a little guilty here, but yet I firmly believe it is my job. (I also put broccoli on his dinner plate -- not because he asks for it, but because I know it is good for him. Fair analogy?)

So when it comes around to skipping a grade, everything I've read says he's got to be on board with the whole idea. I say, however, that at his age, it is more at my discretion (& the school's) than his. If I ask him, "Ya wanna skip to 5th?" he'll say "Heck NO!" But with no reason other than he doesn't really like change when the change comes from his evil father. But if it (ostensibly) comes from the school as, "We'd like you to start in 5th grade this winter," he'd be fine with it, and would have no problems.

I saw this repeated time & time again in his classroom. If I were to suggest that he write five paragraphs instead of the two or three assigned by his teacher each week, he'd kill me in my sleep. But when the challenge comes from his teacher, he's all over it and surpasses expectations EVERY TIME. This same scenario has played out so many times, it's silly. If Dad requests X, he's the devil; if the teacher asks for the same -- AWESOME!

-- -- -- --

Gratified3 makes some superb comments regarding the social/emotional/practical aspects of skipping that really take me back in my own thinking by several steps. Is grade placement the issue? Or is it really the pacing -- irrespective of grade?

He could skip to 5th... and within a couple/few months, he'll be back in the same pickle. Spelling/reading/language arts still wouldn't be anywhere close to his abilities and he'll still be ready for pre-algebra by February at the latest. It'd be no different in 6th: same academic issues, just with much bigger kids.

Do I want to send an 8yo to 7th grade? Or 10th? I'd have to say no. Not without his explicit involvement and agreement -- that's just too much broccoli for me to put on his plate without him asking.

Hmmmm. Gotta make some more calls. A big thanks to all for helping me focus my thoughts.

well I think you are just Dandy and you have a lot of good ideas for your son. Maybe he can do an science related independent study so he can go ahead of the class in science and have something to get excited about at school. Good luck. I have the feeling we are going to be talking about broccoli again soon. LOL

This was one of the biggest reasons we went ahead with the grade skip. DS had not experienced failing and the growth that can come from that. He still hasn't 'failed' anything, but I do see that he's working a little harder to keep getting those As, even though he wouldn't admit it. One of our biggest fears was that when he did finally encounter something that wasn't easy, he wouldn't have any idea what to do, how to work through it, how to do his best and still only get a <gasp> B or C.

I'm sure you'll make the best decision for your DS.

I do think he'll be in a pickle - but certainly not the SAME pickle...when it comes to readiness level, there are levels:
Hard
Somewhat hard
a little bit hard
easy, but at least interesting - I call this one 'edutainment.'
easy, not at all interesting
snoozaloozing easy
wanna scream easy
wanna destroy the school OR I'm totally humiliated easy

We've been down on those lower rungs of the readiness levels, and even a few steps in the right direction make a big difference. I like to say that after the summer birthday + single grade skip, DS13 has all the problems 'regular gifted kids' have - and while that is dissapointing, it's also a relief!

I say don't worry about if a change is 'enough' but just keep looking at the situation and figuring out what would help him 'learn how to learn' now. I do know a wildly PG kid who kept his base grade at a public school, with grade subject accelerations in everything, and only early college in his favorite subject, and it worked well for that child. If your public school is willing to work with you - take them up on their offer. It doesn't have to be perfect, just 'good enough.'

Best Wishes,
Grinity