Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy I wish I didn't say that.

I've definitely suffer from the "open mouth, insert foot" syndrome too!

I'm still embarrassed about this one, nearly three years later . . . We had just moved to an area and I was attending a mom & me playgroup with our DS (who was about 22 mo old at the time) for the first time. This playgroup happened to have a lot of bright children and their slightly pushy, proud parents (very much the hot-house variety). Desperately needing mommy-friends, I was on my very best behavior.

The "Stepford-mommies" organized a game of hide & seek for the toddlers and I eagerly encouraged my DS to participate. He'd never played the game before so I explained the rules to him and sent him off to play. (By the way, I think the game was really a ruse for the Stepford-mommies to show off that their toddlers could count to ten!)

When it was my DS's turn to count, he didn't understand that he was supposed to count TO ten and instead began counting BY tens to 100. The collective jaws of the Stepford-mommies dropped.

Blushing and desperate to fit-in, I stammered on and on about that how my DS was really a fast learner . . . and was way ahead in math . . . and how I had a lot of time to work with my DS, blah blah blah . . . which managed to offend the Stepford-mommies teaching ability (because they, indeed, did spend a lot of time practicing counting), diminished by DS's natural math affinity and made the other toddlers appear stupid. Ugh! Needless to say, I found other mommy-friends and I now embrace the idea that DS may never "blend" with the crowd.

Don't stress the conversation with the librarian. She may turn into a fabulous ally!

I've had similar moments too. I don't think it was bad at all to say it to a librarian! I've had to disclose DS8's similar reading level to several people too. If you're going to disclose, someone like your local librarian is a good person to let know! Who knows? Maybe her wheels are turning now and she'll come up with some good suggestions.

I actually had a similar and embarrassing experience with chess onthego. Who knew all kids didn't learn all the chess moves in kindergarten?

Yes, I remembering having to stop a fight once between my ds and one of his somewhat prickly cousins (both about 8) over the idea that ds was doing something illegal in chess...totally normal move for the 'horsie', she just wasn't familiar with it.

CAMom - love that "DS just came this way..." I'm kinda going through that a bit at school. I've been asked to help out with reading to a boy that is struggling with his reading and to be honest its proving a lot harder than I thought it would, I've tried to explain that maybe as volunteers go I'm probably not a good match because the only thing I'm used to is one that came ready assembled, able to read and count and spell before hitting school and I actually have no idea about the process of learning to read. I'd love to drop it but would feel really bad as I think they struggle to find volunteers. Plus it does tie me up at the time all the parents hang about waiting to pick the kids up and I get to avoid all those - how old is he? questions.

Funny thing with the flashcards too - we're selling our house so while doing the whole clear-out thing I came across a whole load of box sets of flashcards still wrapped! Had to think hard then remembered a book club evening when DS was about 3 and I thought they might be a good idea!

"Stepford Mommies" -- I like that.

Not that it would be polite... but if you are ever in the mood to tweak with them a little... have your son count to 100 by primes.

Nah... that wouldn't be nice. Funny as all get out, but not nice.

Oh well.

We gifted Mommies seem to have 2 choices: Learn to never speak beyond a superficial in public and constant watch our backs OR make one social gaffe after another. I was one of the gaffers. I just couldn't believe that I was 'different' in a good way, and just 'had' to believe that everyone else was like me when they got home and took off their masks.

My big moment came when trying to arrange an afterschool playdate with a Mom who used the same daycare in 1st grade. We were both picking out kids up around 4 and trying to set up a weekday to get together. Ok, I was trying and she was trying to dodge me. I asked if they wanted to get together on thursday. She said: 'Oh no - James has too much homework every day after school!'

Oh come on, I continued (cringe) their homework is so easy, just tell the daycare ladies to have him do his homework at daycare. What does it take, 5 minutes?

She looked at me like I had grown to heads. 'oh no, it takes James 45 minutes to do his homework every nigh, and it's much to hard for him to do it without me sitting right next to him.

You could have knocked me over with a feather. Luck for me, I knew this lady enough to know that she wasn't the helicopter mom type, and that if she had to sit for 45 minutes, then it was because the work was tough for little James. I made a few inquiries to confirm this (more discreetly) and sure enough, this was how many families were operating. (we live in an oddly 'competitive' district)

((shrugs))
Grinity

I've talked to a few Mom's that talk about their Kids struggling with HW. It usually takes my kids 5 min. too and I'm glad. They need the time to play.

Hi Spook, Welcome!

I think it's great that you are trying to help this boy. Also that it gets you out of that superficial adult interaction. I would encourage you to persevere, even if it's totally a new experience.

1) because it really gives a great insight into what the teachers are dealing with
2) because you are probably doing a great job, and just don't realize it because these things really do take time. My hunch is that even if this child doesn't improve his reading much at all, that just you being kind and interested will add to his life in many ways.
3) Everyone else is probably just as frustrated and helpless feeling with him as you are.

Anyway - good job to try it!
Grinity

I understand how you feel. I watch my neighbors son afetr shool and I help with his reading/homework every afternoon. It makes appreciate parents with strugglers, a lot more. It is very challenging to teach a child who who does not get it fast. His mom thanked me with tears in her eyes because it was so hard for her last year to help him when she didn't get off work till 5:30
I encourage you to keep it up. Some kids make progress slower than other. And who knows you might learn something as well.

Unfortunately, this still applies to me talking about stuff I'm interested in too, sigh. Just today I was at a nice big petting zoo on a ride around to see the animals up close with dd3. The ride was packed with about 30 people. We stopped at the large birds, and the tour person stated they were Rheas, come in two sizes, not ostriches. I said, before I could stop myself, "Oh, didn't Darwin discover the smaller one?". Immediately I realized I certainly should have kept my mouth shut as about 20 heads swiveled my way, stoney silence.
She said, 'Oh, I don't really know.'
Thankfully these moments have gotten pretty rare; if ds9 is around I usually just whisper these questions/factoids to him, (he mostly seems to ignore me) and life goes on.