Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy A frustrated parent: Challenging a gifted child

Dandy,

I have a son, 8, who was grade skipped one year (skipped first grade) at the request of the school and not myself. I had serious concerns about his emotional/social ability to move forward. Second grade went very well socially and academically he remained at the top of his new grade. Last year in 3rd I started noticing that he was struggling a bit socially. I am becoming more concerned with fourth grade coming up and yet academically he is still between 2 and 8 grade levels ahead, depending on the subject. Like you I am trying to determine the best path for him and I can not afford to HS. There are no gifted programs near us and our work is embedded in this area so we are not likely to move. So far my tactic has been to try and work with each teacher to get informal accomodations in the classroom. Even so I don't think they really get the level of work he can do. Of course it doesn't help that he rushes through the general work they give and puts in very little effort. I am very concerned that he is learning to think that everything will and should be easy.
For our situation I would vote for telescoping/curriculum compacting but each child is different. My DS would definitely suffer socially and honestly even if he grade skipped again I would not want him dealing with the issues etc. of pre-teens when he was only 8 or 9. But like I said this is my DS. He is very intense and sensitive and I would worry about him handling those middle school years even at the proper age. Your child may very well be able to handle it. I am not sorry I grade skipped my son but I do not think I will do it again. I guess we just struggle through the next few year until grade 7 when subject levels are ability grouped.
Sorry to ramble myself but like you I feel like I want to know all the choices and then choose what is best but all that information just swirls around endlessly in my head going nowhere.
I will be looking to see how you make out in your meeting.
I hope it clarifies things for you.

I've got a BTDT for you!
When DS was in 4th we worked closely with the teacher for lots of inclass differentiation, and the teacher tried really hard, and things did improve...just not enough. So we switched schools for 5th grade and within a month asked for a grade skip. The school tested him and suggested a full grade skip AND additional Math acceleration into 7th grade honor math, which was pre-algebra. I said sure, without any preperation, and one month into the school year.

After 3 months we had to face that the pre-algebra was just too much, and that he was missing out on half of a double session of combined LA/history. DS13s organizational skills are 'age appropriate' at best, and way behind his other strengths. What a mess! So we reversed the subject acceleration, and after a few days of 'comments' from the other kids, it was totally fine.

I say: telescope on your own time at home. I love the idea of subject acceleration because -
1) It give you a chance to see if another full skip is needed
2) It is documented through normal school channels - no chance of 'well, that was an independent project' you need to do grade level math again.
3) If you ask for something doable, it (might) get done.

BTW - the very next year DS took the same pre-algebra class and it was 'too easy' - boy oh boy these kids are hard get exactly right without homeschooling! Still, 'pretty good' is so very much better than 'awful.'

Best Wishes,
Grinity

At least in my house, homeschooling doesn't get it exactly right. AFter a year, I'm still scratching my head. One minute I need to leap ahead, the next I need to take 3 steps back as he seems to have totally forgotten squares and square roots.

Don't fret. Math seems to need 'some' repition. Just not as much as they do in schools, yes?

This used to puzzle me, but a tutor explained that if one doesn't have to pay much attention to an idea to get that idea usable, then we shouldn't be suprised that the idea 'falls out' easily. Like they say on the fast food signs: 'Easy On, Easy Off'

Smiles,
Grinity

Grinity - I just LOVE you!!! I always look forward to reading your post b/c I'm guaranteed there is some little gem there. You are so right....easy on, easy off. You just read so much about that stereotypical gifted kid that hears something once and has it for life. Puts me back into GT denial

That's my DS9. He grasps concepts quickly, knows the lesson before I do it but then sometimes ((((POOOOOOOF)))) all gone. But the 2nd time around it sticks. It's just that it comes easily and DS often refuses to do any practice or review which helps to cements things and make them permanent as well as faster. Rome wasn't in a day.....I must remind myself...it's a work in progress. I'll get out Murderous Maths or some of our other math resources for a review that won't seem like review.

That is the name of the game for these little gifties!

LOL - You are correct, the stereotype that
"All gifted children just need to hear something once to have it forever" is just another myth.

My son is learning French, and you had better believe that he has to review vocabulary a few times to get it into his head! Of course, for him, 5 minutes of studing feels like an eternity. So we break it up into 4 session, 5 to 15 minutes each. Then he seems exhausted. Well, doesn't he have a right to? If he learns as much in 10 minutes as a ND kid learns in 50 minutes, doesn't it make sense that he is as drained and worn out as a kid who has been studing for 50 minutes? All my DH can see is that he 'only' put in 10 minutes, and wouldn't he be amazing if he could work like that for 50 minutes? LOL! Wouldn't we all?

DS is also convinsed that he is working harder than all the other kids. I have no explaination for this one, except that after years and years of 'learning without effort' that it takes years and years to get used to being smart but 'it does take effort.'

Yum, Yum those compliments. I was an underappreciated weirdo for so many many of those formative years. (And for such a large proportion of my current life, as well) Who knew that that ugly duckling was in fact a swan?!?

Love and More Love,
Grinity

This was my first consideration as well -- I really try to think how our requests will affect the classroom & teacher. I would only push (gently) for telescoping if he were using an on-line course in the classroom.

Computers, thankfully, won't be a problem. The schools are so widespread geographically that nearly all the maintenance is done by teachers.

Unfortunately, all prior attempts at encouraging informal accommodations have proven fruitless. That is why this year I'm making it a little more formal so as to assign some degree of accountability.

Your last line above -- it really brought out a knowing chuckle... heck, after hearing of the test results so far, I'm convinced that I don't even have a clue as to what he's got going on under the hood. And that is why I finally relented and pushed for the formal IQ & achievement testing, so we all have an objective idea.

Your concern is very real. From all the stories people shared here and that I've found elsewhere, there are many who could have benefited greatly from proper challenges in school.


Me too... next week. I saw him before school started to ask about a time and he's still quite busy this week. Oh well -- what's another week, right?

This is just what I was hoping to hear from others. I talked to the previous teacher again today and we both thought that a single-subject acceleration -- into the higher classroom -- made the most sense: easier to implement, and easier to undo -- with less chance of any stigma or embarrassment if it did not work.
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I was disappointed to have the meeting bumped, but figured it would really be easier to get together after the formal testing is done this Thursday. Although, I went over my son's homework today -- UGH! I know it's all review being the first week and all... but 20+problems on each concept? And just as much for LA review?

I don't want to start off on the wrong foot, so DS will dutifully complete the assignments this week.

I feel like my DS9 and DD6 are very self motivated and I'll mention some things that have helped them.We are very blessed to have gone to a montessorri Type pre school and K. The school works on developing one's inner self.

They constantly tell the kids it would feel good to do ...'
you look proud to have done that,
give yourself a pat on the back,

They don't get into the prizes or sticker - the prefer internal motivation. This is a process and takes time to develop. My kids current school is into the prizes that they seem to enjoy but I'm frequently reminding them that's nice but the best prize is the good feeling inside.

This is actually where my concern is... DS responds well to either type of encouragement -- bribes or kudos.

BUT if he constantly earns praise or learns to pat himself on the back for the inappropriate level of work he's doing now, he's developing a false sense of accomplishment.

From the article cited above, "What a Child Doesn't Learn," I pulled this quote to share with his teacher explaining that "earn[ing] good grades and high praise without having to make much effort" possibly sets him up for a nasty surprise down the road.

It may sound cold-hearted, but the more I read about it, the more sensible the argument appears. For example, he was the only kid to get 100% on their first spelling pre-test. His classmates and the teacher made a fuss about it... which is fine, on the surface. I give him the obligatory high-fives, too, 'cause that is pretty cool. Except he's been doing it since the beginning. I think he's missed a dozen words total in three years of pre-tests (750-900 words per year), and has missed none on the final spelling tests.

This, for me, falls into the category of "already knowing the answers when he wakes up in the morning" and does not constitute a challenge for him. Getting 100% of 2400+ words correct in spelling tests over three years -- without ever having to study -- tells me that his lists are just too easy.

Whereas, if he'd been missing a handful of words on the pre-test every week (like the majority of the kids) and then took time to learn them, scoring 100% on the end-of-week tests -- that'd be a whole different bag of apples.

Maybe this isn't a perfect example, but it's darn close.

One thought that I managed to distill from my OP here into my email to the teacher is that it must sound totally crazy for a parent to be concerned about a child who is generally well-behaved and who has excellent grades. But I am -- I am very concerned.

(Sheesh -- I clearly got a spoonful of cynicism in my Wheaties this morning. Sorry.)

For the record, I know that he's in the middle of his cognitive testing at this very moment... so I'm a little edgy.