Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Is our 8-month-old gifted?

Hi,

I recall my DS's whole first year as being difficult during all waking moments. A list of things my DS liked roughly at that age in case you haven't got some of these: lift the flap books (especially Peek-A-Moo, Peek-A-Zoo, and I wrote to the Zoo). At some point I can't recall exactly when, he began doing the flaps, at first with the parent getting it slightly up, this gave him a new sense of participation. Musical toys such as a plastic set of flowers where pressing the flower produced a tone, and a electronic keyboard (with lots of notes, not the ones for babies with 3 keys) meant for older kids, some are very cheap at the big walmart/target type stores so if it ends up destroyed no big deal. The real telephone with the line unplugged (so as not to call 911). Interactive songs such as The Noble Duke of York (lift kid up and down etc), many more can be found on line by googling "camp songs" or "children's songs", singing was key for us as we could be a few feet away if singing and that allowed quick showering, cooking, etc. Once a song was well known I could sometimes play it on a CD instead and that freed me for a moment or two. To occupy him a few minutes I could set him up with a shallow tray of water (on a towel) and some floating plastic objects, toys in the water were somehow novel. A free standing bouncer was also a favorite. My DS from birth did not like the high chair or the carseat, I sympathize... I always looked enviously at babies peacefully sitting in strollers or on blankets at the park.

I've also heard parents recommend recording a parent reading the favorite books using a video camera or voice recorder and then play that to entertain them 5-10 minutes. We never seemed to get the time to do the recording...

Polly

MR W at 19 mos is still very difficult and exhausting to be around. We are used to his 8 hours of sleep a night and a short nap during the day. Now that he is fixated on cars and all things cars, he does occupy himself for hours now with his toys or books. Now that he can communicate well, the tantrums are less and less. He also helps with a lot of things around the house like unloading the dishwasher, loading the washing machine, and unloading and folding clothes.

We had to put him in day care with other kids for a week and he loved it and told us so, talking about his friends he made. So we are looking at doing daycare at the end of the year with older kids for T-TH and the "nanny" MWF this fall. He really wants to be in with 3-4 year olds so we are looking for that situation. When I look at the "milestones" for local Montessori and other schools, he has most of the ones for 4 year olds down. We've started lying about his age to get him into story time at the libraries. Its easy because he is so much bigger and is very outgoing.

The piano we got him and his stack of books helped a lot - the latter is used more now than the former. He is done with shape sorters. He likes puzzles, but once he does them, he is not interested anymore in that puzzle.

Starfall is a daily favorite and I highly recommend it. We spend an hour or more on the Alphabet and he will want to do it again and again, telling me the letters he wants to see and picking the objects that need to be clicked, ie the match matrices or the letters that do not belong.

The big thing we have found is to put something in front of him and see if he wants to run with it. And showing him how to help us around the house. Asking him to show us what he wants to do or wants.

We were miserable last week since DS' tooth was coming out, and he was fussy. Good that his tooth came out over the weekend!

I have some general questions:

1) How do you know if you are pushing your child?
We started flashcards with DS when he was 2 months old. He had a very bad case of eczema, so flashcards distracted him from itching. We still do flashcards with him, and I sometimes quiz him. Is it "wrong" to quiz him?

2) How do you know if you are spoiling your child?
When we get home, DS sometimes refuses to sit in his high chair unless we are eating. When he cries, we will pick him up from the high chair and read to him. Are we spoiling him?

I'm sorry you were miserable!


My rule is that everything needs to be fun! When your DC starts to get bored and would prefer something else, but you would still continue I would consider it pushing the child. We do not do flashcards as I don't want to be "that mom" in ppl's minds, but if he enjoys it can not be harmful. For us books, markers and paper have been enough I don't quiz DD to find out how much she knows or to teach her, I "quiz" sometimes when she needs to sit nicely in restaurant, just to keep her occupied. I draw things and she says what they are. I also do not decide what I will teach her next, I prefer the initiative to learn would come from her. Everything I wrote is just my opinions and only you know your child and what he needs to be happy. I have noticed my NEVER often changes when the situation changes



Your DS is 8mo, I don't think you can spoil him at that age. It is good for him to see you eat too and we always picked DD up if she was crying When he grows older you need to have some limits and be able to watch him throw a fit without giving him what he wants. For our DD it started at 10-11mo when she was walking and started her terrible one's. She grew out of it quite fast. Most of her friends remained as babies for longer and have fits now at 2.

He loves flashcards. He gets all excited when he sees them. When we are out and want DS to sit still, I often read or do flashcards with him. I am sure people think I am crazy reading to a 8-month-old.

I think it depends on how you quiz him. Babies need a stimulating but very positive environment. If he shows signs of stress or if you find yourself being negative, then the technique is wrong.

I think having a conversation with a child of any age is great. Asking questions and having babies respond teaches them conversational patterns, vocabulary, communication skills, grammer plus the details of whatever you are taking about. So, yes -we "quiz" our DC every day.

They learn so much so if you are looking at a book (or flashcard) or anything else, saying:
Parent: "Baby, what do you see on this page?"
Baby: "Fwowur" (or any sound they make )
Parent: "Ohh, yes. It is a pretty FFLLLLower. What color is that flower?" (emphasize proper pronunciation- but don't correct theirs)
Baby: "Gagagaga"
Parent: "Yellow. It is a yellow flower. Can you say yellow?"
Baby: "whewhow"
Parent: "Great. YYe-llow. It is a yellow flower. Do you see the tree? Where is the tree? Can you point to it? That is a very big tree! It is like the tree in our garden. I bet birds like to live in this tree too! . . ."

With this style- baby is learning, stimulated and engaged. There is no negativity or stress.

Please don't worry about the people who think you are crazy reading to an 8 month old. Books are great and it is NOT weird to read to an 8 month old!!

I actually sort of disagree with this. DD can always tell (and has seemingly always been able to tell) whether we are having a conversation or whether I am trying to test her knowledge. The former is great, and has been great since she was an infant. I'm sure people thought I was crazy walking down the aisles of the grocery store with my baby saying, "Hm...what did I forget? Should we get some lentils? How about apples? Or would you prefer pears?" But who cares what people think? I'm sure they'd rather hear me talking than hear her screaming & crying because she was being ignored.

As for reading, I read to DD from birth. First I read the books I was reading anyway, ust out loud, but it was only a few months (if that) before she started protesting and insisting on picture books. I don't know why anyone would look askance at someone reading to an 8-month-old. Don't most people read to their babies??? I'm sure it's generally recommended.

But asking questions just for the sake of figuring out whether the kid knows the answers? This I think can be way overdone. And in our case, even a little bit can be too much, and can trigger a big backlash. I think kids can tell the difference between a conversation and a test, and testing puts pressure, whether we mean it to or not. I would not do flashcards with a baby (or any aged preschooler) unless the child asked me to, because my philosophy is that kids learn best through play and observation...so I would never drill or quiz a baby (or preschooler). JMHO.

Great post. I agree with all of it. Kids do know the difference and over the long term kids quizzing can lead to kids hiding what they know and shutting down too.

Another thing to consider is that this quizzing kind interacting isn't really modeling very good social skills. I've seen kids who have been talked to like this a lot and then they hit the preschool years and start saying to playmates "what color is the banana?" and that doesn't really work as a form of conversation with peers.

It is great to talk to and read to your baby. I would encourage more of a narration style of talking and not worry about teaching colors, etc. - I think you'll find naturally they pick this stuff up as long as you talk and read to them.

Most babies/toddlers I see in restaurants are happy playing with toys. Ours throws all his toys on the ground but would sit still for books.

We did it initally because of DS' eczema. We continue doing it because they entertain him and it's easy to do after a long day at work. For the record, I don't drill him, but I am curious if he knows the flashcards or not. But your points are well taken!

I totally agree with you. I was trying to say that we do not "quiz" as a test to find out how much she knows. But I'm guilty of entertaining her by drawing letters on a paper so she can tell me what they are. I would not see it as drilling and my intention was not to find if she knows it or not, just to have her sit quietly for a while. She is past that activity now and would get terribly bored if she wold have to name letters, at some point she thought it was fun. There is only a limited amount of activities you can do with active toddler while waiting for your food at the restaurant. At this point we do not carry toys or books with us like we did when she was younger.

Like I said we do not use flashcards and I do not think they help the child. I would never want to say that they are harmful either if done in an relaxed atmosphere and it is fun for the child.