Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments We will accelerate if he can show.....

Belle> kicking a book

I try to see this type of thing from both points of view. On the one hand, sure, a teacher needs to keep order. On the other hand, it was the first day of school and he's a little boy and it sounds like she came down a bit hard on him initially. If it had been me, I probably would have said, "Okay, today you can sit on the blue bit, but after this, everyone has to stay where they start or we'll never get settled down." IMHO, firmness plus sympathy usually wins out over too much strictness.

I would tell the teacher/principal what you told us: your son seems to be in an impossible situation. He can't be accelerated until he learns to sit still, yet he's a young child and it's very hard to understand delayed gratification at that age (and for many years to come!).

Personally, I've never understood this acceleration-is-a-reward-for-behavior philosophy. If he's able to do the work, they should give it to him. Behavior is a separate issue. I've met a lot of high school kids who haven't mastered classroom behavior, so it's not like the school can claim that it would be an impediment in the advanced class.

You might also ask the teacher or principal how they'd feel if they had to spend an entire year listening to information they had already mastered. What is the benefit?

When they tell you that we all have to learn to do things we don't like to do, you may wish to point out that your son has to clean up his toys or brush his teeth or whatever, and that these less-enjoyable activities all serve a purpose. What's the purpose of learning the sound of the letter B when you can read chapter books? What does he gain from this? Doesn't he have a right to learn in school too?

Val

You guys always lend me new perspective with issues :-) I completely understand the teacher's stance (since I used to teach and remember those first few days as well) to a point...the thing I think I have the most issue with is the fact that these 6 year olds don't have an option to earn their colors back...so once something happened (even if it was in the first 10 minutes of school and the rest of the day was perfectly fine)...you are stuck with that color the entire day...there is no opportunity to earn the original color back. Which seems a bit excessive to me for 6 year olds...the sad thing is once a child is stuck on say the last 2 colors (poor and bad) then what incentive do they have to try to improve during the day...it doesn't matter so what's the point of trying...when your color gets moved that's it..no other chances to improve. Which makes no sense to me. I at least allowed my K children to earn back their points as the day progressed which really focused on the positive but didn't allow for rules to be broken (so if they broke a rule, they could continue to work hard and earn that point back by making good choices).

I'm going to add that something to my point about behavior and acceleration: namely, that by making it dependent on behavior, the school is treating acceleration like it's a bar of chocolate or some other kind of treat. It isn't! It's a legitimate need that your child has. He has a need and right to learn.

Oh, as for the colors: I agree with you 100% there Belle. If you've already got a red card, you may as well give up for the day. It's not like they're going to give you a minus-red or something.

They used a color system when I was a kid, except we had to wear our badges for an entire week. They were made of construction paper. If you had a green pass (the best category), you were allowed display it at the counter and buy a small snack in the cafeteria at lunchtime.

Behavior did not change, but we very quickly learned how to make fake green passes so that we could buy a packet of potato chips at the lunch counter.

Val

Dottie - I understood exactly what you said and do agree - I just wish that these children could get the level of education that they need without it being so difficult :-) I spoke with little man today and basically told him that they would be willing to look at sending him up to a second grade class for math and reading after they see that he can do well in the first grade classroom. He said that he would very much like to try so that he could go do "more interesting" work. Today's work consisted of coloring in an owl that said welcome to school with a popsicle stick, writing the numbers 1-100 and then completing a small worksheet booklet where he drew what his car looked like and him coming to school. He was disappointed that there was no reading or "math" but I also explained that the first few weeks of school can be a little slow until everyone learns the routine and how things work....so we will see how it goes...the thing I wasn't thrilled about was that the teacher labeled the "best" white behavior color cards as "perfect" so since he came home he kept saying, I really wanted to be perfect today....no one is perfect...he already has a perfectionism issue, I don't need someone else making it harder to overcome that!

ugh. Maybe the teacher could use a thesaurus. I don't think it's appropriate for her to behavior anyone's behavior as "perfect." Perhaps, after you explain that your son and others have issues with perfectionism (and he is very aware of the label with the white cards) you could suggest something else, like:

excellent, fabulous, grand, great, marvelous, superb, superior, superlative, terrific, top, top-notch

I'll add to this that DS9's school has different standards for behavior in kids in the first grade or younger.

Every now and then something would happen and someone would get wound up and the principal would send a mail around saying "As you all know, our expectations for the very youngest children in the school are different...they are all still learning about being in a classroom...etc. etc." Kicking stuff definitely fit into this category. Playing "The Haunted Bathroom" in kindergarten was another typical example of behavior that was not allowed but was also dealt with via a note asking the parents to "please discuss this at home."

Val

I thought that the "white card" was for Excellent... if not, you are right, perfect is a silly standard.

But your concern perfectionism is exactly why I make a big deal out of *not* making big deal about anything the school doesn't bother telling me about.

Only 179 days left...

Yes Dandy - that is what her paperwork stated that went home but I even heard her state when walking to and from lunch (I have to come eat lunch with him outside of the cafeteria because of his sensory issues with loud, enclosed spaces and his OT and I will work on slowly moving him into the lunchroom) that she saw so many that were perfect in line, she loved how perfectly they were stopping and waiting....so I guess it is a term that she puts to excellent behavior...we will just take this one step at a time...I don't want to come across as babying him but he really took a huge blow his last year in preschool and it really changed his whole outlook and self esteem for quite awhile....which is why we moved to homeschooling. If things don't improve greatly we do have the option after February where he would qualify for a special ed scholarship that we can put towards a private school next year...the only downside is that this really amazing school that focuses on out of the box kids is about a 50 minute drive...I am just going to keep my fingers crossed and just stay as positive as possible with him...I am just SO proud that he did as amazingly well as he did on his first day of school after 1.5 years of being out!

As an adult who has issues with perfectionism herself, a mother who does, and a child that shows signs of it, I'd be first on the train to the teacher or the principal to get that word changed NOW! Talk about setting up a track early for failure and for kids to have low self-esteem!!!! Excellent is one thing, but using perfect is completely different! It's like telling children, even those who aren't perfectionists, "you are not good enough" before they have even had a chance to try or learn or attempt to accomplish something!!!!

Personally I think that word alone is part of the reason there are so many issues in this world - divorce because a relationship is not perfect, stress because income isn't perfect, greed/keeping up with the jones's because a house size or tv size isn't perfect, those that push their children too hard and don't let them be kids too because they aren't the perfect student or perfect athlete or perfect singer, etc...

The only time I use the word perfect is to describe something that my children give me (i.e., a drawing). It is perfect because it has come from their hearts!

I have NO idea how this week is going to play out but all I can say is Holy batman about this morning....he was hysterical in tears, fighting me every step of the way to the car, yelling how he hates school, he didn't want to go, he hates his teacher, all he did was baby work all day, there was noone there he could talk to about his favorite stuff, he will never get a white card....yesterday he was excited but scared now today he is just plain outright stressed about getting his color card changed and how he has nothing interesting to do. I left him crying at his desk as I walked out of the room and I got in the car and cried all the way home. ARGGHH...wish things were.n't so difficult for these little guys...I have No idea how long to let this play out and I am just praying and hoping that when I go in for lunch that i don't see a hysterical kid