Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Just Need some Support

DD also seems to do a bunch of stuff in one day! She said her first word, signed her first two word sentence, and clapped her hands for the first time within 2 days. She also didn't sleep during that time either...

We haven't tried any of the Baby Einstein stuff yet but I might have to look into it since we're always on the lookout for new toys.

Welcome to the wonderful but sometimes lonely world of being the parent of a gifted child. My daughter was advanced almost from the beginning and months ahead of many milestones. My husband and I quickly learned that we could not exchange stories with our friends the way others did as we were perceived as exaggerating or hopelessly bragging. Her achievements were our "secrets" and we were selective with whom we shared them with in our circles. Even our pediatrician was less than thrilled to hear about her extensive vocabulary during her one year check up. For three years we felt like very lonely and different parents. We knew she was smart and different but how different we had no clue. That is until her preschool teacher recommended we have her tested. Her scores put her in the PG range. With the help of our psychologist we were then able to connect with a group of parents of other gifted kids. It is in those meetings that we are able to partake without guilt in one of the pleasures of parenting--bragging on your kid. Good luck and know that you are not alone, you just have to find the right audience.

Your baby sounds wonderful and you should be here. It is hard when you cannot talk to your friends, because their kids may not be doing the same and that makes them uncomfortable.

You have an amazing child but this is only the beginning. Many here experienced skipping grades, still being bored and maybe not doing as well, or giving ourselves as many options as a result. One of the things you find here, is that we want to optimize our child's options by feeding their curiousity and enthusiasm to learn -- which starts now. That curious 6m wants to know, wants to learn. Some of us just didn't get that. Knew our children acted a little different, were ahead of the milestones but just didn't get how different they were.

There will be some -- few who will give you the comments that your child is really smart, or amazing or whatever, but not the majority. Someone else wrote about how HG+ children are like special needs children. Think of it that way. They have a special need. If they had any other kind of special need you would start immediately to support that need.

Good luck.

Ren

It is a wonderful and fun thing to have a baby. As they saying goes the days are long but the years are short - so enjoy it while it lasts.

The one piece of advice I have is to recognize that the similarities with other parents and their experience of their children are far more significant than the differences potentially related to giftedness. Because your child seems to be hitting milestones early doesn't mean her life or parenthood needs to be primarily described or defined in those terms and to do so may highlight differences in a way that isn't helpful in her identity or your relationships with other people. While I certainly appreciate your long term concerns for her education, I would encourage you to enjoy her for the person she is and accept her development as normal because it is. The amount of growth and development in all kids from zero to age two is absolutely amazing.

And, I strongly agree with the suggestion to have routines and structure to the day. 5 books, walk, snuggle time, etc. Getting into that predictable rhythm for the day can make like so much easier for all involved.

I certainly agree all people deserve to have support and understanding and I'm glad you found that.

I wonder if we could talk a bit though about the idea that bragging about children's development is a part of parenting that all parents should enjoy and have a right to. I find the notion of bragging about the development or accomplishments of another person to be really odd. When I hear it I wonder about what is lacking in the life of the person bragging about their child. Most people learn to walk and read so these aren't rare accomplishments but for most people natural parts of development. To me it seems akin to bragging that your child has toes that are growing. It just is. I also wonder about the child's right to privacy in their development. I would personally not appreciate if my mother or husband or best friend had a blog devoted to talking about how precocious I am. Why is it more appropriate to do so if the person involved is too young to consent?

I certainly understand why parents delight in seeing their children grow and discover the world. I personally that as something entirely distinct from bragging rights.

Thanks! I'm glad that you were able to find a peer group for your daughter and get that support. We've been fortunate to have a pediatrican who thus far has been excited about what DD is doing. I'm sorry that your pediatrician wasn't supportive.

Thanks! Yes, I think if it wouldn't have been for my pediatrician's comments I probably would've figured that DD was ahead but I wouldn't have thought of it being as unusual as it is. However, I'm glad I do have some heads up because like you said we really do want to encourage her interest in the world around her and not let that enthusiasm die out.

Yes, and I can understand the special needs comment. I went to school for awhile with a boy who was most likely HG+. He was also 2E (had autism) but regardless of that he learned in entirely different way than the rest of us and his mom ended up having to homeschool him because of that.

Yes, we do make sure to take things in stride. I purposely sought out this board because I also had specific questions regarding her abilities. I've tried asking some of my mom friends but I've found that it just makes them worry about the development of their own kids plus I wasn't able to find the answers that I needed.

I think I will have to respectfully disagree with you here. I am fascinated by all the things my daughter does. Whether it be the fact that she's talking early or how quickly her precious little hands are growing. We didn't even know if it was possible if we would be able to have kids and so I am excited about absolutely everything she does.

I think the desire to share those things with others or not comes down to personality. I have some friends that are introverts and just prefer to keep these things to themselves. Others are extroverts (more like myself) and feel bottled up if they can't talk of their life and their family.

I do blog. A small part of that is wanting to share her accomplishments but there's also a lot more too that. It's extremely therapeutic for me to write about her. It helps me sort through my thoughts and adjust to my new roll as a mom. I only linked it here because I thought other parents might appreciate what I'm going through and/or it would bring back fond memories of their children's own infanthood. I don't see it as any different than a mom writing about her special needs child, or adopted child, or her normal developing child, etc.

ETA: I also wanted to mention that I do it to keep track of her milestones. I just am horrible at keeping a journal and this way I seem to be more motivated. My parents have absolutely no record of what I did as a child and I feel as if something was missing there.

Hi Newmom -

I can completely understand where you're coming from - when my DD was born, I had no idea what was "normal" except what I read in parenting books. Both the books and our family doctor attributed her constant screaming/fussiness to colic, and we attempted to ride out the (very rocky) storm. I think I averaged 3-4 hours of sleep each night of her first six months! However, we started to notice that she seemed better with stimulation - dancing with her, speaking directly to her in animated tones - and we had to carry her upright EVERYWHERE (no placing her in a prone position in her carrier while shopping or going for a walk!). People would stare at us in the grocery store because by 5 months we'd have her sitting upright on her own in the cart - just to get through the shopping trip without any screaming!

Related to this was the fact that she got REALLY mad, starting almost from birth, if we'd lay her down. She would try to roll over and scream mercilessly when she couldn't. Her attitude improved at a little over 2 months when she mastered it, but went downhill again as she began trying to pull up. Until that point, I didn't know a baby that young could show frustration, but it was written all over her. My friends all thought I was crazy when I was relieved that she "finally" started walking at 8 months! The tantrums improved significantly at that point, and we managed to get some relief. However, she's always been high-strung - even to the point where I started doing research to find out if something was wrong with her (DH has one occurrence of mental illness on his side of the family, and we were terrified it had cropped up in our kid) - but everything I typed in eventually led back to giftedness in some way. To be honest, this had never even occurred to me - both my DH and I are bright people, but I don't consider either of us GIFTED.

Anyway, long story short, after 4 years of her quirks and craziness, we finally had her tested to find out where she's at. She was well above the 99th percentile, which only verified what we'd suspected all along.

My point here is that (a), you're not alone in this wild ride and (b), kudos to you for recognizing giftedness when you see it. My life would have been much less stressful during DD's first two years of life if I had been able to attribute the things we were seeing to giftedness (rather than something potentially "wrong" with her). So I think you're ahead of the game!

A couple of things we just learned through trial and error: the frustration she experienced before she could walk was alleviated somewhat by the greatest invention for exhausted moms EVER - the doorway bouncer. That thing allowed me to actually have 30 minutes of uninterrupted time to fold the laundry, check email, or start supper. Your DD may be too old for this already (we started using it at 4 months and she enjoyed it until she could cruise well around the furniture), but it was a lifesaver for an exhausted mom!

The other thing that worked really well for us was going on long walks. Being outside really soothed her, but the catch was that we couldn't put her in the stroller because she needed more stimulation than that. I would carry her facing outward and point out everything, talking the whole time, so she could see what I saw. I was always envious of those moms who would meet at the park and talk while their babies contentedly played with a rattle or slept in their carriers - I was never able to do that because DD would always start screaming the minute she wasn't getting any stimulation! It was especially hard because my friends would insinuate that I was spoiling her by always carrying her around, but I did what I had to do in order to survive - especially that first year. :-)

Anyway, I could go on and on - just try to enjoy these early months, because tomorrow you'll turn around and she'll be starting kindergarten (a whole other issue in itself!).

Best of luck!