Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Talking with your child about being gifted....

What a great topic! My DD is only 4 so I made a mental note of some of your suggestions to pull out later on. My only experience so far came up when we had her evaluated and she asked why. I just told her that everyone learns differently and we were trying to figure out how she learns. At the end she asked what we found out and I simply said that we found out that she learns quicker and remembers more of what she learns than most people, that is a good thing, and not to worry about it. She seemed happy with the answer. She generally just "knows" when she needs more information and has no problem asking for it. She is starting kindergarten in a few weeks a year early. I figure I might get some more questions from her at that time. We have not told her that she is starting a year early I hope this is the right move. It is a hard balance.

I was all set to use the word and get the children used to being different and smarter than the other kids, so that it would help their self esteem. Constant masking is no good. But then, a friend of mine commented that she asked a child recently where he went to school and he replied:
" X school. GIFTED."
It was such a yucky answer and it bothered me. I hope my kids never respond like that.

It's funny just today Wolf (almost 5) started spouting off about how smart he was and how he knew this and that because he was so smart. I had to do a double take because we never talk like that around him. I think it might have to do with a change in teachers at his school, but I'm not sure. I ended up telling him, "Yes, you are smart. I know that. You know that. Daddy and Bear both know that. However it's going to get really annoying if you keep saying it every couple of minutes. I think other people will get tired of hearing it too." He figured that made sense and hasn't commented on it since then.

Standard textbook answers worked well for us. We told DS9 at one point (maybe in 1st grade) that he is gifted (he also wanted to know his IQ score but I said no way). He was aware of the differences between him and other kids anyway. We stressed that this is not something that he needs to be particularly proud of, because he did not do anything to become gifted, it was a gift from God/nature (whatever word is appropriate). Now how to use this gift is his choice, if he uses it well it will help him to have a very good life and help others have a good life. Of course we (and teachers) also make him see that everyone has a gift, and intellectual abilities are only one type of abilities that are important in life, and DS being a sensitive and nice kid does genuinely appreciate his friends, smart or not. He is also very aware of the issue of "bragging" and he is very careful on what to say and what not to say to other kids (this just comes from the fact that he has always been very good at perceiving other people's feelings). We are also lucky that where we live has a very strong academic emphasis. Whether the school fits DS's need and whether all teachers are understanding is one thing, but there is not too much anti-intellectualism going on (definitely some and annoying but not as bad as what I heard in other places). As a result there are many high-achieving kids in our area (in academics, sports, arts, you name it) and this is great for DS because it reinforces what we teach him about hardwork is the key to develop one's potential.