Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Advice on preschool

Hi,

My first post here. I'm hoping for some advice from others who've either decided against preschool at 2 years old, or done it with regrets, or with happiness. My son is 24 months now, bright and busy, slightly inhibited in public but quite social at home.

We live in a very rural area and know no one else with a child his age who is interested in regular playdates. There is one preschool that will take two year olds: 2 teachers, 8 kids, 2 days a week, 3 hours. I've visited, its pretty backwards but safe, and social. When I visited the two year old room (with kids now 3 in it) I was really shocked at what the kids weren't capable of. On the other hand that may be good because it means they don't stress pre-anything-skills which would just mean boredom for DS.

My DS will be bored for some of the time anyways. But its social. Sort of. Some of the interaction is negative, kids pulling toys out of other ones hands with the teachers intervening only sometimes (teachers not energetic). Teachers occasionally saying borderline mean things out of exasperation(though only to the one kid who was repeatedly acting out). Quiet kids don't get much attention. The play the kids engage in seems sort of dreary and repetitive.

Maybe it seems silly to be worrying about anything that's 6 hours a week. My DS though is a gentle and imaginative kid (terrible twos have yet to arrive), I don't really want him to learn to respond to a question on the weather by saying its cloudy when it isn't, or to stand in one spot and roar for 10 minutes. I wish the teachers were more engaged.

There's nothing else around here that allows for getting to know other kids, have other kids know his name, etc. We do library hours etc so he does see other kids but nothing that has the incremental social learning of a preschool.

I wish in a way the preschool would allow him in with the 3 year olds as he would enjoy their toys and projects much more. I really like their program for 3s, still not his speed academically (and will be even less so next year) but the teachers seem energetic and flexible. Socially though my DS is two.

Thanks for any input, sorry this got so long. What would you do... just wait a year and start with the threes, or decide that a perfectly safe playgroup/school with other twos is a good idea socially speaking.

Polly

Here are my thoughts...

My older dd (now 5) didn't start preschool until age 3. I researched schools very thoroughly and thought I had chosen the right one, but it ended up being a poor fit. The teacher had "never met a child" like dd (who's heard that before ) and couldn't deal with the combination of my child's deeply felt emotion, endless energy and continual reading aloud of the lesson plan. I can joke about it now, but it was very stressful at the time because I feared my dd was starting down the road of not liking school and getting the take away message that she was poorly behaved. We moved her to a local gifted school mid-year (a much better fit) and she has thrived.

DD3, started school at 2.5 ... but at the new gifted school which turned out to be an excellent fit for her as well. She loved the entire year.

My point being, I don't think age matters as much as the experience they're having at the school itself. It seems to me from reading your post that you may not be confident about the quality of this preschool.

I know you mentioned you live in a rural area away from other children. I'm sure that makes it tough to find friends for your little guy. But I would encourage you to try as hard as you can. Even if it's out of your comfort zone to approach someone at say "library hours", it could be worth it for the socialization. I have lived in a few different areas since having children and in each location I have "founded" a playgroup. And loved it. In one area, I started one with women I met at a breast feeding support group. I have approached other mothers at the library or at a park and found most of them very receptive. Perhaps they feel as isolated as you.

Again, just my 2 cents.

Hi Polly, just my personal preference but I think there's alot to be said about Mommy and Daddy time. When your child starts Kindergarten he will have the next 12 to 18 years to be in school. I found a lot of other things for my 2 little DD's to do for social stuff like swimming, ice skating, dancing ect... then we they clicked with a child in a class we set up play dates. It worked for us.
Best Wishes...

My DS was begging to go to school (he has an older sister). We decided to enroll him in a nearby preschool that DD had liked. This school emphasizes academic-type skills. DS was 2 yrs, 9 mos. and toilet trained so we were able to talk them into placing him in the 3 yr old class--kids who would be in his Kindergarten cohort.

We had mixed results. He did not fit in socially and was bored academically. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't great, either. DD had loved going to that school, but it wasn't a good fit for DS.

I am a fan of preschool. I have two girls who are GT and they both started at two. Yes, they were a little bored and yes, they were much more mature than their friends. But, they learned new things - just by being in a new environment - they learned to trust other adults, they made friends, etc. It was a good experience for both and gave us lots of topics for conversation (how did you handle it when he pulled the toy out of your hand?) and it gave them confidence in the outside world.

Hi Polly, welcome to the board. I understand the hard decision about preschool. Before I ever discovered the term gifted I had talked to a specialist about my DD and gave her a breakdown of milestones and how advanced DD appeared to us. The specialist's advise was on par with what we had talked about in general as important for our children: music, foreign language, etc. One thing she stressed to me was the importance of socialization and starting early. This set the stage for me freaking out about preschool and rushing to sign her up, only to find out that in our area there is a major waiting list. All of this stressed me out. But I put her in a dance class that met once a week for an hour. Just that time and making connections and friendships with the other moms really helped DD with her socialization. Okay, up to a point. I notice that when she is around children her own age she is still a little stand offish and when around older kids she opens up and is more herself but she is miles ahead of her social abilities from before the class. This could also just be the age and she would have naturally been this way without the class. Looking back on the preschool and not starting at age 2, I am actually happy we didn't get in. I spent more time with her and that time is priceless.

She is set to start preschool this fall for 3 days a week and we chose a social program. We will go into it with our eyes open and if it doesn't look to be a good fit than we will look to place her in a more academic program. Right now she is in a Spanish Immersion summer camp which she actually started today. That will run for 3 weeks. She also has a dance camp in the beginning of August. In between the camps we will be traveling to NYC.

And a side note for anyone in the NYC area: the MET has some amazing exhibits over the summer. Including: Bacon, a new Michelangelo painting recently discovered, and Roxy Paine installation on the roof.

Hi Polly - welcome to the board. I guess I was lucky not to know my DS was gifted before he was 3, so I didn't worry about early preschool (well, at least I wasn't aware that he'd need anything different educationally speaking). So I just did what all the moms in my area did, which was send their kids to preschool at age 3. So my DS (now 5) did preschool for 2 years, like everyone else around here. In retrospect, I would have kept him home and sent him only when he was 4. It doesn't take a whole lot to learn what they want you to learn in preschool (e.g., how to share, stand in line, do what the teacher says, etc). And the second year of preschool, DS was underchallenged, and he is not a kid who likes craft projects, so he really disliked preschool.

I did go to early childhood classes through our county, so my DS got to be around other kids for an hour or two once a week. (Really, this was mostly for me, so I could be around other adults for a bit!) We also did the library story time to see other kids. But mainly, I just took him places like the zoo, the playground, downtown, etc. I really don't think at age 2 any kid is really going to learn all that much from being around other kids.

You say that your DS is a bit inhibited in public. Have you ever separated with him before? I ask this because we had serious separation anxiety starting preschool at 3, and it never would have worked at age 2. But of course, if you think your DS would have fun, then I don't see too many problems.

That said, I'm a little worried that my DS has a negative attitude toward school, because his exposure so far has been such that he didn't learn much and he didn't relate to the other kids. So I wish we would have limited the preschool experience to one year.

On the other hand, if you need a break because you have been alone with a highly curious energy sapper, then I say go for it! Of course, all of this is just our experience - every family and kid is different.

I have the same concerns about my DS3. We have alot of good pre-ks around here but I can't afford them.
We have found "Family Fundamentals" it is a free play group funded by the United Way. It is a school like group that has organized education activities. You could check to see if there is anything like that in your area.
My DS usually calls kids his age babies and likes to show off what he knows. I think I would have problems at a reg Pre-k.
You could always do the try it and see approach and keep looking for the right play date friend!

Hi Polly,

Welcome to the madness! Have you considered starting some sort of playgroup of your own? I live in a very rural area and we have a group called MOP (Moms and Preschoolers). They meet socially once a week and occasionally do crafts and such. The group fluctuates size but it has kept going for years. Even if you only had 3-4 other kids it would take care of the social interaction. Plus he'll have friends that are a little older, a little younger unlike preschool where he will be limited to his own age.

Welcome, Polly. I am venturing into this Preschool adventure, too. DD3.5 will be starting this fall. I only work outside the home 2 days a week and when I do work, she goes to her grandma's, so social interactions have been few and far between for her. I live in a rural area myself, but I am lucky to have found a school that individualizes learning plans for each child. So since DD can read, she won't be sitting in a normal pre-k class learning her ABC's which would make her terribly bored.

Socially, I have gotten DD out and about more lately. We go to the park a lot and we're just wrapping up on soccer. The soccer has been great -- not only is she interacting with other kids around her age, but she's also learned to listen and take direction from another adult besides her parents.

I tend to think that at 2-yrs-old, most kids are really learning how to fight, pull, grab and be nasty to each other -- especially in an environment with lazy teachers. Not that all kids are like this, but I'd be worried about how my DD would have taken this at 2. I think DD would have learned a lot of bad habits and that would not have been worth it for the social interaction. Kids at 2 aren't very social with one another anyway -- they play near each other but not necessarily together.

IMOP, I think waiting to 3 is fine to start pre-k. The social interactions of 3-yr-olds is much more sophisticated than those of a 2-yr-old, so I'm not really sure it's worth it.

I'd take other people's advice about starting up your own playgroup, striking up conversations with other moms at the park, zoo or library.