Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Gifted and Hitting a Wall

How frustrating! Sounds like some accomodations would help a lot.

You say the school won't budge, so you must have tried to reason with them already. It should be plain enough for them to see the change in your son and want to help him do the quality of work he was doing before.

Is there anyway to go around, or over or smash through the 74%cut off? (paraphrasing Michael Jordan quote)


What else has changed since he was getting A's? something besides the medications?

Is your son aware of these consequences?

What if you approached him with the view from where you are sitting and asked him to collaborate with you on a solution.
Or let him take the lead on problem solving?

Your reason to do homework first makes sense. It may be too high a goal to have ALL the homework finished before going on a walk. What about setting a goal to spend one hour on the most important homework and then a walk (or Lego break), followed by another hour if needed? 3 hours seems like a lot.

I'd put a positive spin on his interests as they're great opportunities to develop attention to detail and effort (cooking, Legos, music, animals). Maybe pointing out his strengths in these areas will help.

My 6-yr-old son sounds like a miniature version of yours...

We have tried to make the rule-- no playing with your friend until homework is done-- but we find it makes homework drag out LONGER. He seems unable to see the logic of: finish your homework quickly first and then you can play all afternoon. This works on every other child I have ever known. Instead, he sits at the table agonizing and the whole thing takes longer and we all wind up frustrated.

For us it works better to let him play and get his yayas out, then do his homework, say, after he has eaten dinner, with dessert as the payoff.

But then I'm talking about first grade homework-- just busywork, really. I don't know what I'll do when he's 10.

But I agree that 3 hours of homework sounds like too much for anyone.

From recent research my DH has done into the brain - it's apparently been reported lately that 10 minutes on one subject, a quick break and 10 minutes on another subject works best for MOST humans - anyone. So I believe switching subjects - or taking breaks is the way to go - and I've heard positive things about many ED and LD people finding comfort outside - so outdoors - and extra oxygen to the brain - always a good idea. Spend time around trees!

Sorry you are facing this situation. I know I could be in it myself in a while. Our doctor said that without treatement ADHD may well cause a decline in DS's performance. However, also trying to read that book on Misdiagnosis and paying attention to Dr. Ruf's site and the over prescription of medication for ADHD -as maybe our kids don't have it at all? I've wondered too how their performance is affected if you give them medication that affects their alpha waves - or brain in general ....when perhaps that's where their genius is coming from?

Has anyone on this site collected articles/resources together regarding Misdiagnosis and/or advoacy attempts - perhaps successful ones regarding allowing a child to type instead of write? It seems a LOT of parents are having this issue and if your child hates to write of course they will hate 3 hrs of work! I keep thinking it would be easier for us as indivdual parents to lobby the schools - if we have a collected body of success stories/articles/ to give- to the schools, to the parent advocacy groups working right now with WAshington etc.

Anyone else feel a need to divide up the current resources section on this sight into more "manageable" chunks / topics? I would need to spend a little more time there analyzing it myself - but I don't think this has been done yet.

That is really tough that his other medications would not work with ADHD medications. I am not always a fan of medication, but with a kid who is clearly struggling this much it would definitely be something to consider if you didn't have that issue. Wow, 3 hours on homework. That is a really long time. Now I know somedays it probably goes quicker, and that probably some of it is spent being distracted, trying to get back on task, reminding him, etc (I used to be a therapist and worked lots with children and families in a school, and I worked a lot with kids with ADHD as well as other issues, so I do get it). But still, that is too much for all of you to handle. Does the school know it is taking that long? I know you run the risk of having him pulled from the gifted program if they reduce workload so this is a tough issue, but what is going on doesn't seem to be working for anyone...it exhausts me just thinking about it. Maybe you could meet with the school and let them know how long he is spending on it. When I had this issue before with students I would work with the teachers and determine an agreed up time that was acceptable to spend on work. (honestly this may be surprising but it averages about 10 minutes per grade). Now with the added ADHD I would add a little more time, but not tons more. When time is up, time is up...whatever is done goes in the bag. It just can't go on like that for anyone's sake. And also if you do feel like he is just lollygagging at times...it could speed him up and help him to be more focused. Just a thought, not the best idea ever but a thought : )

Just want to add that another point to note is that the problem often occurs when he has to write quickly (timed exercises) and that he hates writing. These two together, form a major obstacle to learning for many bright people- their writing cannot keep up with the flow of ideas in their brain.
So... how's about he's allowed to keyboard his assignments? Use a laptop in class? There is also fairly cheap software available now to automatically type what you speak into the computer. If assignments are assessing his thinking, then the school should have no problem with helping your son to find alternative ways to get his ideas down. (Also check out software like Inspiration - for 'brainstorming' ideas, and then organising them...)

I agree with previous comments, that lessening the pressure on your son is the major goal at the moment

In reading your initial post a few red flags jumped out at me. I keep thinking something else may be going on here especially since the school work issues began around December.
Couple of things:
Could he be depressed? 10 is the beginning of a difficult time for many kids. Would it make sense to have a professional assess him for this? Did something happen at school? Is he being bullied? Girl troubles? Is he doing this because he wants out of the gifted program (maybe doesn't like the kids or teacher)? Has there been a new teacher or student since December??? It just seems like there's something else going on here. In my work as a behavior analyst, when I run into such cases there's usually a new variable like a new student or something that caused the change. Just a thought.
I'm astonished that the school wont allow your son to type when hand writing is a known area of need. The one good thing I will say about our NJ district is there's almost no emphasis on handwriting. This has been good and bad, but mostly good in my DS7's case. I'm not familiar with the 74% rule. Maybe you could ask for a "due process" hearing and fight the school for accommodations. ??? In NJ if a parent of a child with an IEP drops the "due process" line, schools ultimately wave the white flag of surrender because they don't want to go to court.
My heart aches for you. Sometimes I worry that I will be in your situation if my DS7 doesn't get it through his head that he needs to check his work and not be careless. He doesn't have ADHD but he is the classic absent minded professor.
I wish you the best with this. Keep us posted. This is a wonderful forum, especially when times are tough and no one else seems to understand.

FrNJMom - yes, I thought so too...total non-expert however.
Throwing in my two cents, yes the change sounds very abrupt! You should look for a particular event that might have triggered the sudden change in outlook for your ds. Might be something a counselor could work on with him. I was told by a dev. pediatrician that some kids just need a neutral party to talk to sometimes to work out issues they have a hard time either telling more familiar people about, or even realizing themselves that they are occuring. This makes sense to me. Good luck to you and ds, Elh!

I think for my son, 10 has been a difficult age. I have noticed that he seems more concerned about not appearing "weak" or different in any way. A few years ago he said he didn't care what other people thought. I never really believed this. It looked to me like he at least cared a little because he always tried to hide his handwriting and drawing at Cub Scouts, but he refused to admit it.

Now there seems to be more of an effort to prove that he is tough and things like getting the biggest bruise while playing paintball is something to be proud of. He seems more willing to try things that might involve pain.

He heard me talking to my special ed teacher friend about his handwriting issues and how I just couldn't understand why any teacher would have a problem with letting those kids who have difficulty getting their thoughts on paper type. She agreed with me that typing should be allowed for kids like my son, but my son talked to me about this later. He said it is not that easy. Even if the teachers did allow typing, the other kids would find out about it and he would not want anyone to think that he had an unfair advantage or that he wasn't good at something. My son says he would only feel comfortable learning around other twice exceptional kids, and since that isn't possible at our school, we have to homeschool.