Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school How do you deal with perfectionism?

yeah, I do that too... and she seems to think that it's hilarious that I make mistakes... but the effect doesn't last too long...

We work on this with piano. We go round and round with practice, but she does it. She is learning to practice. She will eventually hit subjects that she does not master immediately and I want her to know how to do it. (And she thought she was just learning to play piano.)

This is the very reason I'm torturing my poor ds6 (the one without the 2E issues) with piano. His main problem in life seems to be perfectionism and he'll give up on something at the drop of a hat. In his second year of preschool, I went to a teacher conference to hear how my ds was underachieving already in preschool! He didn't have the self-confidence to attempt things his teacher knew he was capable of. She worked a lot with him on that at school, but next year in first grade he'll have a different teacher. But piano... last night we spent 1.5 hrs together at the piano - he's been taking lessons for one year now and he suddenly acted like he didn't know that a quarter note was one beat, half note was two, etc. OMG I wanted to smack him. But when things seem too hard, and he's afraid he'll make a mistake, he just shuts his brain off completely. I can see the "off" light lit. DH wonders why I bother, but I insist that the more he balks at piano, the longer I'm going to make him do it (LOL poor kid!). He needs to see that he can work hard, slog through something that looks impossible at first glance, and get somewhere with it. For whatever reason, he doesn't seem to have a piano brain and so it is much harder for him than his siblings. But I'm confident that good will come from his struggle with it. I'm finding, however, that I need to struggle along with him - sit right there when he practices, making sure he does it right. I do see that when he finally gets it, does the hard section of the song or whatever, he gets some feeling of accomplishment out of that.

Good for you. They will eventually hit a wall on some subject so teaching them how to learn is essential. I have seen so many students do this in advanced courses. They don't know how to "learn".

I have had my daughter "play right hand three times" or "play just a few difficult measures four times" in an effort to show her how it works. She does it and voila - the song does come together eventually. I have explained to her that this is how most people learn everything. This also teaches her empathy.

When I teach math, I always put myself back in art classes in school. I was so clueless on art instruction. It helps me to remember how difficult a subject can be for some.

Yeah, I didn't learn how to learn or think until law school - how pathetic is that.

LOL about playing right hand three times, etc. Sometimes we only do one hand on one day, the other hand the next day and hands together after that. But last night was just impossible - it was time to do hands together. But he acts like he can't remember what he did the day before. I had him do each hand separately and then together but of the first line of the song only. And as usual, "how many times do I have to play it?" Usually I give him a number so I can walk away. But last night I had to sit there and say I don't know, we'll see, as many as it takes. Poor guy, I finally let him stop and he thought I was going to make him do the second line of the song right then too (it's harder so I'm saving it for today). I have had such a hard time getting him to break it down measure by measure - he complains but then wants to do the whole song all at once. I guess I'll have to sit with him during practice for the foreseeable future.