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I just got back from meeting with the school regarding DS6 and the plans for next year. I am so upset.

A little background--currently DS6 attends the local public school. He is in K in the morning and 1st grade in the afternoons. Since I am almost positive the Private School for the Gifted that we have signed him up for will not open in the fall due to lack of enrollment and lack of funds I had planned a meeting with the school to firm up plans for next year.

According to the school despite working above grade level in all assessed areas they do not feel that he has fully completed the complete 1st grade curriculum and socially/emotionally it is in his best interest to attend 1st grade next year!!!!!!!!!!!

Currently DS6 is severely underchallenged and has completely given up on school. He is no longer making any real effort to complete his work. Socially/emotionally he is constantly getting into trouble--mostly by being rude to adults. We are still in the process of waiting for a complete Neuropsych eval and I have a feeling that we may be dealing with a NLD/Aspergers type issue as well.

During the meeting the Assistant Prinical actually asked me why I didn't choose to homeschool and that he was sorry that the district is not really able to help my son. His daughter actually teaches in the autism/aspergers program at the middle school level but he said that nothing exists at the elementary school level. He also told me that he hoped I got an Asperger's diagnosis (but not NLD) since we could then have a 504 plan to adress both academic and emotional/social needs.

They are also planning to do their own WISC-IV testing prior to the end of the school but I told them that I didn't want him tested unless I knew about it beforehand and it had to be done first thing in the morning so he wasn't randomly pulled from recess or snack time. I also think that it would be helpful for him to know he was getting tested.

It was so hard to hear the K and 1st grade teacher tell me that although DS6 is VERY smart--he was not a good student and they both agreed that he should not be accelerated. They think that I should focus more on his emotional/social needs and less on his academic needs.

I'm sorry. Would the teachers and principal be willing to talk to your family consultant or a gt psychologist, who could explain them that boredom can cause lots of behavioral issues and that not allowing him to accelerate to the 2nd will make things much worse? Have they considered how would that make him feel? If they are worried about his emotional needs then they need to think really hard what kind of message he will get from staying in the 1st grade.

I'm sorry the gt school will not open. DS was in Montessori before, right? Do they also have 1st-3rd classroom? I know the situation wasn't optimal and we weren't happy with our Montessori but it may still work better than the PS would.

Is homeschooling an option? I know that you really like your work but would it be possible to work p/t? Do you have any local private schools which carter to homeschoolers?

I'm so sorry, Crisc! I focused on that last paragraph, too, the one that makes it clear that they don't understand AT ALL that your son's academic and social/emotional situation are all bound up together for him.

*sigh*

I'm sorry about the GT school not opening.

Can DYS help you at all in the negotiations?

I wish I could do something to help.

I'm sorry, Crisc. I can't offer you any help but I am banging my head on the keyboard on your behalf.

I'm so sorry Crisc. I don't have any great advice, but you have my sympathy!

Quick question, would they allow him to be in first in the mornings and 2nd in the afternoons for next year. Not sure if that would even help....but at least it would be better than going to 1st all day. Or at least allow him to accelerate in certain subjects if he is in first.

So sorry you are going through this, lots of hugs being sent your way.

I am sorry you are going through this. It brings back a lot of bad memories. It seemed like our school was more interested in trying to make my twice exceptional son fit in with their idea of what all little boys are supposed to be. My son was supposed to conform to their idea that all little boys must color in the lines without complaining that it is boring or his hands were tired. All little boys must like and participate in sports and if they can't do that, at least act like they like sports which is their idea being social in an age appropriate way, and not talk about things like science or books they enjoy reading. They must learn to tolerate verbal bullying from other kids while the teachers look the other way. They must learn to tolerate verbal bullying from teachers without attempting to defend themselves and explaining that a disability and not laziness was the reason he couldn't do certain things as well as other kids because that would be rude.

It was so bad that my son refused to read the rest of A Wrinkle in Time. I remember when he first learned the word hegemony he applied it to our small town and our school.

Yesterday, we saw several boys standing outside our town's "alternative school." My son wondered out loud how many of them were just class clowns or kids who didn't fit in.

We were told to homeschool. A first grade teacher made it sound almost like child abuse to let him continue at that school. I remember that summer before first grade was supposed to start was really hard for me because I had to let go of all hope of him enjoying school with lots of other kids. The school was the center of our small town and I was really sad about taking him out, but I got a lot of support from people on message boards like this one and I know my son is better off than he would be in our public school.

Can you print out some articles on asynchronous learning? Articles on the emotional/social development of GT's? Hand deliver them to the principal and ask that before they make a decision they educate themselves? Can you move up the chain of command?

I'm really sorry that you're going through all of this! Why is it that the people responsible for education are ignorant so much of the time?

Hi Crisc,

I'm so sorry - we had a similar response earlier in the year from our DS6's teacher. We'd been having just awful behaviour problems for several months, and her advice was that he obviously would therefore need to stay in his allocated grade to practise social skills. And of course team sports would be wonderfully beneficial.

We didn't argue too much - just left our paperwork and kept a low profile. I appreciate now how lucky we are that we have departmental policy behind us, no matter how unwilling teachers might be. We didn't actually mention it, but they and we know that we've got it behind us. So a little while on, we haven't heard much from the school, but DS6 seems to be working a grade up. And the behaviour problems have stopped, really quite suddenly. We'll raise our heads again soon and talk to them about formalising the arrangement.

I can't offer any advice either, just sympathy and the hope that you find a quick path through this.

I�m very sorry Crisc.

Maybe you could come from the angle of what would be the �least worst situation� for the school personnel rather than what is best for your son since they don�t understand the present situation and needed, but counterintuitive solution. They might realize that their work environment will be easier and they would be happier if they just �push him along anyway� so he can move on to the next school.