Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Help: Verbal abuse by teacher?

Can you print out this forum thread (including your post and all the responses) and give it to your principal?

You are not overreacting. She is being abusive and a bully. She is also in a position of authority and your DS is therefore not "allowed" to respond in a way that would be appropriately defend himself. He's really stuck in a hard spot.

I agree with Minnie. If it were my DS I would not think it out of line to pull him from her class. I realize not everyone is in a position/able to do this for a number of reasons but please know you are NOT overreacting.

Good luck.

Oliver - i am so sorry your son had to experience this. The following advice is just what I would do; you know your situation best. Knowing that this is how the teacher feels about your son, if I were you I would pull him from the class. He should not have to be in a place where someone like that is in the authority position.

I would go straight to the principal with this. No teacher should be able to get away with such abusive behavior. I remember in my little catholic school years ago, my mother immediately pulled my brother from a classroom when she discovered that the teacher, who was a nun, felt spankings were appropriate for my brother and most of the other boys for minor infractions. My brother was simply switched to another teacher for the rest of the year. The emotional abuse your son has suffered seems much worse to me than the physical abuse my brother suffered.

I reiterate what Mamabear said - tell your son that he did absolutely nothing wrong. Perhaps explain that people who haven't had experience with exceptionally gifted kids sometimes don't really believe what they do is possible, and sometimes react very inappropriately.

Good luck to you. the good thing is that you were there when it happened; now you know. I imagine she has done this before and perhaps the parent was unaware and the student just had to live with it.

Oliver,

I am just so saddened by what happened to your DS. I think now that Teacher is not communicating with you, time to go over her head. I"d talk to the Principal who will likely want the teacher present. You might suggest talking to the PRincipal alone first then have the teacher come in....that way you can say what you want to say. Have the gems you posted here in writing and available. AND BE SURe to talk about this in terms of how your son felt....make this about him....My son felt...WHen I bring it up my son bursts into tears on 4 occasions and cried for 3hrs.

There is a way to same something and there is a way to same something.....she chose the wrong way.

Let's see....
Jimmy, how much time did you spend on your poster? (TONE greatly matters) 15min? Why did you spend so little time on it? You weren't interested in the topic and would have rather written about WWII? I see. Next time, will you please tell me so we can perhaps come up with a different assignment?

Here are the skills, knowledge base you will need for Mrs. XYX class. Which areas do you think you still need to work on? How can I help you to reach these goals? No ideas? how about we try ABC?

OK, no way to make the "not at the top of my class" any better.



Anyhow, it's easy to see what we would do but we are not in your shoes. Your son's mental health is of paramount importance. I agree w/ the other poster that stated what your son might learn from this...that he is powerless against teachers. I too have issues w/ coming up against teachers...I was brought up to respect them and hold them in highest regard. IMO this teacher deserves no such respect. If she will say that in front of you, I wonder what she is saying in front of the kid. And if this is a tactic she wanted to try, she should have discussed such a tactic with you first.

We had this with DS's 2nd grade teacher last year. The teacher did it to DS in the classroom, and lashed out during parent-teacher conference when DS was not present. Mind you, DS is a very social and popular kid, has many, many friends, and the only trouble he had last year was that he was not the kind of kid the teacher expected from his cookie cutter. The teacher said to me several times through the school year that of course DS is smart "but many kids in my room are just as smart or even smarter, and none of THEM thinks my instruction is boring". The teacher had no clue that DS's math level was head and shoulders above what the other kids were capable of (this year's teacher totally understands this, though, and DS has been given some challenging work). DS is also a perfectionist and could have writer's block if he can't in his mind see his idea as being perfect. Once last year when DS had a writer's block and couldn't come up with something that he was happy with, the teacher said to DS that XXX (another kid in the same room) " is autistic and even HE came up with more sentences than you". DS cried on the spot. (And with the new teacher this year DS hasn't had writer's block again.)

We didn't go to the principal because we were new at the school and didn't know whether the teacher's attitude was typical among teachers in that school. While trying to find it out, we also looked around for other schools. But later on we figured out, to our relief, that last year's teacher is not typical. If we knew this at the time, we would have gone to the principal. It is true that gifted kids (or any kid who is atypical) have special issues and sometimes it is quite important for teachers to point out their shortcomings. But this doesn't mean abuse!!! I'm still sorry that I didn't stand up to last year's teacher the way I should. So I hope you do something. Any possibility that the principal is more understanding? Another school? I hope your DS will recover and understand that this is part of the price we pay for being different, and he has lots of people rooting for him.

Olivier,
Please dont take this lying down ! I went thro' the same hell last year with DD in 2nd grade then 7-the exact same cultural baggage that you are referring to. Among other things, DD was strictly told NOT to answer 'a single question' in class. It so killed the spirit of learning in her. She started counting down from day 90 for school to end and hated every day in school. I still carry the guilt but had too many things to battle (a problem pregnancy, a very very demanding job etc.) and so asked DD to treat this an experience on how teachers can be and how she should be mentally strong and not get affected by it (too much to ask of a 7 year old).
The teacher subtly apologized to me when we ran into her a year later but that doesn't reverse what we went thro'.
Please dont take this..I am wiser now. I don't have a specific action plan for you but I am sure your gut feeling and the forum will guide better!
Good luck and pl keep us posted.

What has happened to compassion? As I read through all these posts and the stories unfold I am shocked at how there is a lack of compassion among the teachers in these examples. I think this need to bully is a fear of these kids because they are smarter than the teachers. And, I'm sorry but to use the autistic child as the example shows no compassion for either child. It all just saddens me.

What shocked me was that the teacher told me about this with a broad smile. He really thought he "got" DS there. At that moment all I felt was being extremely tired, I had no idea how to react to someone who is so insensitive. I counted the days last year, hoping for summer. Too bad so many kids have to endure teachers' cruelty.

Oliver, glad to hear you're going to pursue this. If you don't get a satisfactory response from the principal, keep elevating it until you reach someone who "gets it." Hopefully you can undo some of the damage done to DS if he knows you are standing up for him and what's right. Please keep us updated with how things progress.

I agree with the other's comments. Not only that, but I don't think you can rely on this teacher to help your child out in the long run:



I'd also suggest investigating your options. Of course, all of this can be done in a nice way, but this one does seem to need to go up the chain of command.

Good luck.

I agree, I'm concerned that based on these comments, the teacher really isn't qualified to be teaching an exceptionally gifted child.....

Please do remember that most of what is being assessed by elementary school teachers are skills, not necessarily cognitive aptitude. Teachers often confuse skill with aptitude.

Good luck, Oliver.

Neato