Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Rules on the frig?

Doesn anyone have a small list of written rules on the frig or elsewhere for their kids? We wrote some this week. 5 to be exact; and it seems to be helping some. I say "that's rule #2." just curious what yours may be

Ours are:
1. Respect Mommy and Daddy. Obey.
2. No whining.
3. Have fun (he helped - and then I added); but be serious sometimes too.
4. No hitting (new learned behavior -ugg).
5. No screaming.

I am sure I need to change the "no" ones to a positive rule; so I am up for suggestions. thanks

Hi, Mom0405,

For a long time, we kept three lists on the fridge (they have been displaced by the boys' artwork, but I may move some more of that to the walls so I can put the lists back up again).

My lists were kind of hokey, but the kids liked them, and so did I. They were called "Gratitude is the Attitude!" (everybody, grownups included, had to write down something for which they were grateful every day), "I did something Nice for someone today!" (each of us had to write down one thing we had done each day which we thought had been specially kind or helpful), and "I love my family!" (we each wrote something we particularly appreciated about at least one other member of the family on that day).

This kind of stuff seems to work better for us at our house than saying "no" (which is certainly my default setting--hence the lists! I was trying to pull up my own socks, as much as theirs.) There's been more bickering around here lately than usual (lots of stress, with two sick grandparents), so I think I'll put my lists up again, and see if it helps!

peace
minnie

I had a heart to heart with my DS5 and we listed his rights (what we as parents must provide such as food, shelter, etc.), responsibilities (obey parents, don't hit, be respectful), and his privileges (long, long, list).

When he realized that he "only has to do 3 things to get 20+ privileges" it helped. Now when he falls short on his responsibilities, he loses a privilege from the list for a period of time. It is on scratch paper on his bulletin board.

I have a friend who took this concept a step further for a teenager by adding legal language "Whereas..." and making into a contract that the parent and child signed. Her list of privileges is hilarious including such things as brand name shampoo and text messaging service on the cell phone.

That's a wonderful idea! DS already knows the rules after 3 days; so it has had some effect. But I really do not want to be negative. The whole world outside is. I have been grasping for anything. Thanks.

We have "Team ____ Rules " The ___ is our last name. Whenever anyone breaks a rule, anyone else can make a loud siren noise and call "TEAM ___ VIOLATION!" and enforce a penalty. The penalties mostly result in an immediate correction (for shoes in the middle of the floor, door left open etc) or an apology (using a rude tone or saying something inappropriate). Occasionally someone gets sent to the "penalty box" for 2 minutes. Penalty box violations include being told the same thing more than once, bad table manners, repeated misconduct or anything I deem too annoying!

I find it hysterical when my 6 year old puts my DH in the penalty box for being told the same thing 2x!

that's hilarious

We have a list of three words

kind
respectful
obedient

Reminders to my kiddos DD9 and DS10--The last to remind them who's in charge (though you'd hardly know it some days!)

This is great! I may steal this.

There are nights when I joke (okay, only HALF-joke!) "If a mom talks in the forest, does she make a sound? Because NO ONE seems to be able to hear me, and I'm pretty sure there are words coming out of my mouth!" When not even my DH seems to listen to me, I get really frustrated.

Hmmmm...

Thanks, CAMom!

If you like, you could make some of these positive just by rewording. E.g. replace 5. by "When indoors, use an indoor voice" - we designated anything too loud, which would include screaming, as an outdoor voice. It did sometimes happen that we went out because DS wanted to use his outdoor voice, but that's fine. (Of course, buildings like shops and restaurants are indoors :-) Some people do "use gentle hands" for "no hitting" but I somehow felt that was twee, or something. Whining - I don't have a positive way to phrase it, but what really helped us to deal with it was simply to declare a policy that a whiny voice couldn't be understood (sometimes literally true of course!), so I'd just say (in neutral tones) "Sorry, I didn't understand that" if he whined something.

I think you're right to be concerned about putting things positively, actually - it seemed to me that reminding DS to do the right thing (positive) works much better than criticising something he is doing (negative).

One thing I say for whining is Please ask that with a smile. It seems imposible to whine while smiling, makes it a request and now the kids know to also throw in a please, etc.