Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Do your kids ask questions like this?!

NO I don't. It was the one where Lois Lane is killed in a car and Superman is so distraught, he spins the Earth around to reverse time and save her.

This isn't as tough to deal with as you think - at age 3, my DD wanted to know how babies were made. We talked about sperm and egg, and how they join to make a special, unique person. She was really interested to know that no sperm or egg are exactly alike, which is why every person in the world is different. This satisfied her for awhile, until one day (shortly after she turned 4) she asked, "How do the sperm get to the egg inside the mommy?" So I talked about how boys and girls are different (she already knew the names for penis and vagina) and talked about how a grown-up man puts his penis into the grown-up woman's vagina and sperm comes out to find the egg. If they find each other, they make a baby that grows in the uterus. When the baby is born, it comes out through the vagina.

DD4 was FASCINATED by all of this, and consequently understands the concept and the correct information. I don't think it's bad to explain all of this to your child if they are asking - if they sense your discomfort, they will mistakenly believe that it's embarrassing or inappropriate to discuss. However, I do think the discussion needs to be child-directed - my youngest (almost 4) has never asked and I've never brought it up. But I do think it's important to start that dialogue as soon as the questions start - hopefully DD4 won't be embarrassed to discuss it if it's been an ongoing discussion since a young age. As a middle school teacher with 3 pregnant 13-year-olds in my class, I can say that I wish those girls' mothers had had an ongoing dialog with them.

As for giving her the information and worrying that now she'll be curious and want to try it someday, she's informed me that making babies doesn't sound like much fun (she doesn't like boys at this point!) and she has no desire to ever have children! In fact, the other night at dinner DH and I were discussing how these young girls were having babies, and DD4 piped up with, "Mom, that doesn't make sense - how do they get the sperm without a husband?" This opened up a dialog about our value system, which turned into great dinner table conversation. I am hoping this sort of thing sets the stage for ALL ideas to be discussed openly, into middle school and beyond.

During our Human Growth and Development Unit (I'm a science teacher) a couple of the pregnant girls in my class said they wished someone had explained it all to them six months ago. My class was the first time they'd heard the specifics about birth control. *sigh*

Kids need the right information, and they need it from their PARENTS. Part of the reason I'm so adamant about this is that, when I was 5, the older brother of a neighbor friend told us that girls get pregnant when the boy pees inside the girl. I spent the next couple of years being afraid to use the bathroom after my brother did, and when I finally got enough guts to ask my mother, she gave me some uncomfortable answer about how babies are made when a man and woman love each other very much - which made me picture some sort of existential occurance that I didn't understand. On some level, I knew she was sugar-coating it, and I didn't understand why she wouldn't answer my questions. I finally learned the truth in junior high from friends (sort of). I was ready to know at a young age - I was intellectually capable of handling it, and knowing would have satisfied my curiosity. I never was able to have a frank discussion with my mother about sex, even as an adult. I want my kids to feel safe asking me anything!

I'm so glad to hear other kids are asking questions that you can't answer. I think that DS was 2 or just barely 3 when he told me that Santa Clause was impossible. He said that there was no way he could get into our house or the house of all other kids in the world. My step kids (4 and 6) still really believe in Santa and stuff my my son treats it all like a joke.

The other day he asked me what was here before we were. I have pondered that many times but how do you explain that to a 4 year old?

Thanks Jen74, that is a very interesting point that you have made. We already use all the scientific names for body parts in our house and I guess this is just taking it one step further. I am always just worried about what they might say to their friends - I don't want lots of irate parents approaching me !

Tiz,

Strangely enough, my daughter has never (to my knowledge) brought it up to any of her friends. It would be akin to discussing why they all have fingers. I think she thinks every kid knows that! :-)

Same here. From what I've seen, it's just not something they think too much about...until puberty, of course!

MON - I agree with you on MANY levels. However, I currently teach in a Title I school with 90% poverty and mostly minority kids. I can say almost unequivocally that the parents of my students ARE NOT talking to them about sex - either the emotional or scientific aspects. We teach what's called an "Abstinence Plus" curriculum, which emphasizes abstinence but teaches about birth control and STDs. We talk a lot about the emotional aspects of sex as well. The feedback I usually get from the kids is gratitude that someone has explained this stuff, and I can say with certainty that I definitely have their attention more than any other time in the school year. They want and need to know this stuff, but none of their parents discuss it.

So I think in some cases, the schools need to do what the parents won't for the good of society.

I think it is so sad that the parents don't talk to their children about this issue. My guess is that if they don't talk to them about this, they may not talk to them about other important issues too. Although I see the need here , one of the main reasons my children will not go to public school (I'm not sure what a title 1 school is) is because I do not want strangers to inform them about sex, that's mine and my husbands job. But, the bottom line here is that I am informing them, answering all their questions, teaching them the moral issues, values, and everything that goes with it. I wish everyone that had children would be a parent as well. Jen74 I know your job is hard and my heart goes out to you.

We've just recently bought our DS5 a molecule-building kit - the basic structures Orbit one, but options will be different where you are - and it's a HUGE hit. You also need a periodic table of course - we have one on a mug and one on DS's sweatshirt :-)

What I want next is a really good chemistry DVD for him. I bought the High School Chemistry one from the Learning Company, but we were both thoroughly put off by it spending the first half hour attacking the assumption that we thought chemistry was difficult and boring - which of course we didn't...

Does he mean before humans were on Earth, or before your family in particular? We've had lots of discussions along those lines, and as DD (now 6) gets older she returns to the same question again and again, but wanting more and more for an answer. So, we keep giving more and more ideas and thoughts and let her make the decision about what parts she wants to keep in her brain as the "real answer" for the time being.