Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Hindsight......random thoughts

I'll share

After months of stressing about the perfect fit, I put dd (then 3) in a "play-based" church-run preschool. I didn't give the teachers any warning about dd. I guess I hoped that she would have so much to learn about hanging up her coat and walking in a line to recess that she wouldn't stick out much (it was her first time going to any type of school). And I thought it wasn't that important for me to tell them about her because the school had very little emphasis on academics (just 10 minutes of circle time).

On the second day, the teacher walked dd to my car and said rather pointedly, "Are you aware that she can read?" Needless to say, I was aware Apparently the teacher was trying to get the 3-year-olds to start recognizing their own names by pulling a name out of the hat to select a child to be line leader. DD jumped up in excitement and shouted out, "Lauren - it's you!!"

Things were fine for a few weeks ... I think dd enjoyed the novelty of school and was on her best behavior ... but then the bloom was off the rose.

She started acting out. Nothing awful. But at least one thing every day of school (she was only going 2 mornings a week). And each day the teacher would walk dd to my car and say, "Today your dd3 had a time out after she opened a window I repeatedly asked her not to open. Why would she do that?" Or "Today, your dd3 disturbed the entire line of children when she sat down in a puddle on her way out to recess. Why would she do that?" And dd would often become so excited about something completely non-thrilling to other children ... the letter A, perhaps ... that she would jump around the room ecstatically. The teacher just didn't know what to do with her.

Needless to say, it turned into a bad situation. I was getting so stressed about what the teacher would say at pick-up each day. And I feared I was leaving dd with a negative take-away message. That she was bad. Or at least badly behaved. And all I wanted for her to get out of preschool was a love of school. And she certainly wasn't getting that.

We switched her to a private gifted school and all of the behavior problems disappeared. Same kid. They just knew how to handle her better. To challenge her mind.

As we had a psychologist tell us, "Kids like this ... their minds are always going. So either you give them something to do to stimulate them ... or they're going to think of something themselves ... and it's rarely good."

Thanks for sharing Irisheyes. I knew it had to happen for some girls, but just hadn't heard of it. I have heard of girls pulling back and holding it all in, or pretending to not know things. Not that that is any better. Glad she found a better program. We had the same situation with our DS. Better program made for no behavior issues. But I too remember the dread of hearing how he did each day when he was in his 3yo program. It was way to stressful.



How true. We have found to give DS things to do when he gets antsy. He just craves more and more brain stimulation, and it seems to settle him more. That's why play-based program didn't work for him. Plus I think the amount of kids/lack of structure was a little overwhelming. I do worry about Public school in the fall.

I few of you on this post have already read about some of my DS(4 next week). After the last pre-school trial, and failure because of the unruly boys, and because of the tension he experienced when he wouldn't comply to circle time and wanting to be the leader. We pulled him due to up to 10 nightmares per night, shaking when picking him up, plus he regressed in speaking... It turned into an "everyone for themselves" dynamic in the classroom. He is extremely gun-shy with authority figures now, and am looking for advice on whether or not to try to start him in another school right away (if I can find one), try fun summer school programs, or wait until next fall (if I find something). He has been out of school for 3.5 weeks now. My Mother is pressuring me to put him somewhere (it is really not her decisooin, I realize, and I can be firm with her) because she thinks it would be best for him. People keep telling me, "you won't know how he'll do until he tries." I am scared for him that he will act out because he is scared and still doesn't feel safe again, someone will act extremely disappointed in him for acting out, and then he will feel like he failed again. No one knows what his little psychy has been through. He has a speech delay to begin with and is just starting to talk more again. He has been acting like he doesn't know things that he knew before pre-school...that he has known for 2 years. His writing was getting pretty good until the boys came in; but having him do it at home now, still is shaky. Does anyone have any advice on how long it may take him to re-coup. He is a sensory child; and we are starting OT therapy back on Monday. Lately we have been reading at night with him (he sits snuggled in between my DH and I on the sofa), the same 6 books from the library for 8? nights now. He chimes in on about 40-50 of the words by memory when I pause to see if he'll remember them. It has been his real only sign of confidence lately...and I think that it happens because he is almost tricked into doing it. As I have said before, he won't perform what he knows unless he wants to. Any like experiences? Thanks (sorry so long-I'm just sad for him, and no one is being very supportive around here, except my DH). My Mom sees that I am stressed about the situation, but thinks it's DS stressing me out. DS has been an angel now that his steroid stuff seems to be out of his system. It's mostly her.;)

This is very very random and everyone will think I am nuts but here goes.
This is really funny because when I was in labor I was saying the letters and numbers in 2's and 3's etc to get through the contractions. It is funny because my DS practically come out of me knowing them !
I just told my DH this recently and he did think it was a funny coincidence of all things I was doing it was letters and numbers.

I don't think this is nuts. Both my girls seem to love the two friends that I talked to the most here at work when I was pregnant with them. In one case DD8 has had a crush on the male friend since she could walk, she even said it was ok that he was getting married with a sad look on her face. They were never shy of them (shy being relative with my two-more like slightly reserved compared to normal is all I ever get for maybe 2 minutes if even that). We speculate this is because the voices of these two friends were so familiar......

maybe I'm nuts too.

If you don't have to put him in something right away I would say, wait and give him time to heal.

Then you willhave time to a) consider what you want him to get out of preschool/prek and then b) find the right fit.

My ds was in a preschool situation that was a poor fit when we moved, but not as extreme as the trauma your son has had. we switched him to a montessori right away and he did fine after a few weeks. differences, my ds is probably Mg with no huge sesitivity issues (just small ones) and he had been at another preschool that had been great. so he was used to the scchool routine and had positive supportive associations with school.

So you may eventually find something that will work for youir ds. But in his current fragile state, stick to your guns and wait until you find the right place.


Oh, and "a fun summer program" might be just the ticket for a transition, or might be too chaotic. tread carefully there too.

Thank you master of none. I have been thinking about what you said. My DS is not much of a talker (delay), but lately he has been so down on himself. He said tonight that he is "not nice" and he is scared. We don't use the word "bad," but he is told that the things he does sometimes (i.e. hitting in frustration)is "not nice, and it hurts." He learned hitting from the unruly boys. We don't hit. Our family is all about bringing each other up. Thank you so much for your words. We need to really start building him back up. We praise him all of the time, and tell him how proud we are of him for no reason at all, and he gets constant hugs and kisses. But obviously we need to do more for him. So thank you.

After reading more of your posts, you all have given me more confidence about my decision to have him home with me. I am a SAHM who works for my DHs company doing the tasks, a few times a week (at night mostly), that he doesn't want or have time to do. I really enjoy being with our DS, our only child; so maybe just some time discovering more of his interests would be a great thing. He has playgroup friends; and we see them at least once or twice a week, and he loves the park nearby - when he find nice kids to play with. I will look into a summer program that is all fun. All his friends will be out of school though; so we'll see them constantly as well. I am thankful for all the advice and insights.

mschaff that is funny. Well maybe we both are nuts LOL.
I think maybe if I said the letters and numbers as my 2nd DS was born he might be more interested LOL! With him I got the epidural did not go all natural.

I don't think it's nuts b/c DS5 came out making this really weird squeaky noise... same noise that the steering wheel of my car made when I turned it! He still makes the noise in his sleep.