Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Hindsight......random thoughts

Do you ever find yourself thinking back to different events and thinking how much sense things make now that your kid has been identified as GT? I think that parents of GT kids should get a heads up before they arrive so we (those of us who were clueless) can prepare. I'm sure all parents feel that way, but sometimes I just think how differently I might have handled certain things if I'd known what was really going on. And the thing is, there were so many clues and hints that I can see so plainly now (with the benefit of hindsight, of course). Isolated things that spread out over time, seemed odd or different, but wow! looking at everything cumulatively, it paints a much clearer picture.

Anybody else ever feel that way?

Oh, SOOOOO yes!

I thought I was doing pretty well to have some third grade level books around the house for my Ker. That's plenty high, right? Then I found out they were significantly too easy for him--which explained why he rarely read anymore--and I felt like such a bad mom!

I wasn't, of course. But I sure felt like it!

I suspect it's the norm to feel that way, not the exception...

I did ok with the early stuff, but oh how I wish I had a crystal ball!!

I wish I would've had a crystal ball about PS not GT. That part was obvious I just didn't realize how much (still not to what extent-no ind. testing but the screening was probably close). What I didn't know was exactly how ahead we were when we switched from Montessori to PS. I WISH we would've spent the past two yrs in Montessori. DD4 will get the benefit of the hindsight....And I've become an extra tutor for DD8.....

hi mschaff -

would you mind elaborating? My DS4y11m is in montessori right now. And we might have to do PS K in the fall for $$ reasons.

We have not done ind. testing either so his LOG is a guess. (MG+?) I am worried that public K will be a disaster. I know, depends on kid's personality, indv. teacher etc.)

Anyway, if you don't mind sharing your DD8's transition from Montessori to PS I would appreciate it.

No problem, I never know how much to share. I can be pretty long winded. not sure where to start.

The montessori school put DD8 in K at 4. We were surprised since we were clueless about what was normal for her to be doing at that age and although we were concerned about maturity issues we let her go to K at 4 (TGiving Bday). She did fine. DH was set at this point that DD8 needed to be with her age group eventually. She is little for her age and he felt very strongly about her being with her age group and being the oldest vs the youngest. At the end of her K year I went to visit the PS K. I came back and told DH that no way could I do that to DD8 since the PS K was going to spend months learning letters/numbers/colors/shapes and she was reading well and was telling time, money and adding/subtracting several columns, not to mention other math skills.

So we left her at montessori for 1st. The Mont. was always showing us her work and what needed improving, but there was no mention of level of work. We were also fairly clueless about what the SAT-10 results meant since the GEs we felt were probably inaccurate based on the definition we read. I had wanted to leave her at montessori another year but DH was concerned she would be left out of friendships if she didn't move now and most of the private schools that go beyond elementary are very inconvenient for us.

I was sort of 50/50 on putting her into PS 1st or 2nd grade. DH wanted her with her age group. When we met with a 1st and 2nd grade teacher they looked at her work and said she would do fine in either grade but made no recommendation threw around buzz words like differentiation. We fell for it. So we put her in PS 1st grade and other than some harder spelling words last year she hasn't been challenged last year or this. We had no idea how far ahead she was.

Anyways, I wish I would have left her in Mont. because she has stagnated to some extent and is now a bit reluctant of challenges. I have started supplementing. I am going to feel much stronger about having DD4 stay until at least 2nd grade and also doing private testing so we can bypass the group testing.

I should say DD8 is happy though so that is what is important. I recently asked DD8 if she wanted to take the tests to skip 3rd grade and she said no she's fine with extra work from me and staying with her friends and next year she will be clustered with a GT certified teacher. (can't blame her I did something similar in school to my mom). Of course she may change her mind later, she's more fickle than I am.

I don't know if any of this helps you or not. I know $$ are a concern. I know this will probably play a part when DH and I discuss what to do with DD4 but I figure I can get at least thru 1st since we did that with DD8. And he knows how I feel about the PS decision for DD8.

DD8 lets us know sometimes as well when she has her "why was I held back moments" when she sees some of the friends that used to be with her. At the time we felt we were doing the right thing overall. (ie not being 2 yrs younger than some in High School). So Elem. may be tough but we have wonderful jr high magnet and many HS options, dual credit, etc.

This ended up way too long, so sorry.

Looking hindsight, a lot of things make more sense.... though, it wasn't a smooth ride. My 15 year old so was identified in kindergarten - without a doubt. The doubt began around 3rd grade because of serious underachievement and non compliance (excellent test scores). By 5th, I exited him and by the time he was in 7th, he wanted to be identified again so we did the full battery of tests offered in a new district. He was one of two students accepted into the GT program after testing 75 students and again, the director tells me "without any doubt"

Last year, he was finally diagnosed with ADHD and he had made an incredible turn around with completing work.

Sometimes I feel like his combination of giftedness and ADHD has caused many to question his abilities and my parenting harshly.

I wish I would have had some idea back in the younger years - I could have been more attuned to DSs frustration and recognizing it for what it was. He was a late talker, so there was a lot of frustration on his part and mine about a lot of things. I would change that if I could. Having the knowledge now makes such a difference.

I realized my DD was different very early but it was not until she had turned two that I stumbled onto the idea of gifted. In hindsight I wish I didn't have the term. It makes me second guess everything. Before I wouldn't think twice about giving my DD different things but now I am already freaked by what she knows and can't help but think that we have another 2 1/2 years before she starts Kindergarten and at the rate she is going I don't see how she could ever be happy there, so I find myself not introducing things to her. Am I holding her back? I don't really know. I still see her cognitive abilities developing in leaps and bounds just through her imaginative play and communication. I also think does it really matter if the kid has mastered such things as multiplication in the next year? I see that more as hindering her in school then helping. I think a lot of the kids get in the PS and get frustrated with what they know and what they are allowed to do in school, so why would I put my DD in that position but then again I think how would I really be able to slow her down when all she knows up to this point is really self learned with a little guidance from DM?

Yea ... knowing earlier doesn't really help, at least for this mom. It just makes me question everything. Sometimes living in the black hole and not knowing what is to come and issues others faced is a bliss.

We absolutely did not know what is going on till S transferred out of a private school in 5th grade and was allowed to fly...
To tell the truth, we were a little ashamed of him...