Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Another gifted/ADHD question

My question would be what has the teacher done to teach him adaptive behavior? Too many times teachers complain yet they've tried nothing outside of their standard canned response to help the child. Many general ed teachers think they don't have to make any adjustments - that the child should be classified and put in special ed. At least that's been my experience.
For example, my DS7 forgets to turn in his folder & other items. His 1st grade teacher will go into his backpack and selectively remove things she wants. If she can do this than why can't she also remove his homework? More importantly - how does this teach him to remember to empty his back pack and hand in his folder? It doesn't. She doesn't have to teach him much as he's way beyond grade level, the least she could do is teach him this skill. She could do a number of things to teach him this skill that would not take much effort or time. She chooses not to. She thinks he has ADHD (which he does not as per a neuropsychologist & neurologist/psychiatrist evaluation) and just wants to build her case against him.
Your son may be immature - may have asynchronous development. Mine does. :-)
Maybe a FBA is needed (functional behavior assessment). If you go this route you should insist on someone certified by the BACB - preferably a behavior analyst. This is a less restrictive & instrusive approach and should (in my opinion) be tried before medication - especially since so many gifted kids tend to be misdiagnosed. The behavior analyst could help the teacher with strategies to manage behavior.
For example, I would tell the teacher to cover the gerbil cage during instruction. I would also recommend some sort of extrinsic reinforcement plan for hand-raising, polite social behavior & remaining seated. Remembering essential things like turning in homework could also be reinforced.
As far as organizational skills, the behavior analyst can also address this but an OT can as well. You may want to ask his OT for some suggestions. I'm assuming he has an IEP b/c he gets OT for handwriting - you could ask that they add services to assist with organizational skills. It's my experience that this can be taught.
Good luck!

My favorite book for teaching parents to teach children social skills is 'A good friend is hard to find.'

You can also look around for other social skills groups that are aimed at a more typical population.

You can try to set up some playdates with other gifted kids - perhaps meeting them through a chess club, or book club at the local library.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Keet,
Please be assured, you are not a bad parent. Any observer who intimates this needs to be educated on gifted kids as well as adhd. Honestly, those years were so difficult that I wondered how I failed as a parent. I also wanted to say, I'm so glad to hear he's in a gifted school. Public school, no service, was hell for ours. That your son can pull those grades while forgetting homework is interesting. The homework problem for our son contributed to low grades. His handwriting is poor to this day and writes only in print. He, too, missed social cues. Before Ritalin, this caused him a lot of pain. At 27, he's very socially conscious. Once we wait out the storm of these early years, the rewards are great. I think you've gotten really good advice on this thread. Good resources and mechanisms offered. All the best, San

My ds6 is diagnosed ADHD, but not so severe as to require meds. Some of his behavior is explained by boredom. My ds7 is diagnosed mild PDD. Both have decent grades.

I think part of the problem when my kids go to school is that when they are at home, we discuss mutually acceptable solutions for everyone in the family. At school, they are expected to sit down, be quiet, and do exactly what the teacher says, without any input. The difference between the two kinds of discipline can be jarring at times and the children do respond negatively to it.

What about individual instruction of social skill? My DD9 is seeing the speech therapist and working with a picture book of social skills. I need to get the name because it is wonderful. She photocopies the pages that they are working with for us to use at home. It discusses the social skill, gives specific instructions and then has pictures of right and wrong ways and when the new skill might be used. This could be done at home as well

My daughter also has gifted aspergers but all the social skills groups in our area are geared toward children with moderate to severe autism. This was our version of an alternative.

To those who suggested asynchronicity - Absolutely!

Grinity, Can you give me more details (author, maybe, or what it looks like on A Good Friend is Hard to Find? There are a number of books with similar titles on amazon.

As to the mention of his IEP, he doesn't have one. Where we live gifted kids don't get IEP's unless they have other issues too. His handwriting doesn't qualify him for an IEP because he didn't test as having a learning disability.

His teacher made up a behavior chart for him. He gets checks for staying in hi seat, etc. She just started it, so I hope it works.

Teachers are not the ones to diagnose ADD/ADHD. Pediatricians need to work with parents with perhaps input from teachers.

Don't be offended by the next question. Does your son drive you crazy? If the answer is no, then I would say no. If the answer is yes, or sometimes, then you might visit a pediatrician and/or psychologist/diagnostician with ADD/ADHD experience.

My son is gifted and has ADHD. It's sort of apparent. He has learned some coping methods on his own for controlling it. He'll clinch his fists and push himself to the point of shaking.... he says it makes him feel better.

In school he is able to complete his work and the teacher is aware that he has it. He's in 3rd too. His teacher is very tolerant of "wigglers", there are quiet a few kids in his class that have it.

As for the age thing, he's 7 and is sort of out of place. Most of the kids in his class are 8 or 9. There are a couple who are 10 and I think one boy is 11. But he goes to a typical public urban school.

You could try fish oil and see what happens. It's pretty inert stuff and it truly is a magic pill for attention issues, hyperactivity, the works. You might have to play with the dosage, though.

nicely put, eema.