Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Identification, Testing & Assessment Sharing scores?

I am just curious how other people feel about sharing their child's IQ scores and information with family and friends. I hope I don't start a debate here, but I know people feel differently about this.

I am waiting to hear back and review my DS4's test results. My best friend asked me if I heard back yet. I told her that I hadn't, I then went on to explain to her that I wasn't going to be giving her the results anyhow...but that I will let her know how it went. We are great friends and she wasn't mad or anything, just wondered why not. I explained that I didn't feel that it was my information to give to her, and that it really isn't something she needs. I just don't want him growing up with other people knowing his IQ scores. I am not sure if that is fair to him. I am not telling him, why should I tell her? I probably would post the information on here if I had questions or whatever...and will tell my parents as they watch him everyday, and his school. But otherwise I don't really want to say. Is that strange of me? I just don't want him to be viewed as a number "hey there's the kid with the _____ IQ" And I don't want him to be in other people's stories either "you know my friend knows a kid who's IQ is ____"

What do you think?

Shelly,

That was exactly my take on it. My DS grandma knows, the diagnostician knows and I know. That's it. I made the diagnostician swear an oath of secrecy regarding giving my DS the number. He'd make it broadcast news! It's enough for people to know that he's a really bright kid, a kid not a number, IMO

I tend to err on the side of caution as I don't want my DS to be labeled any more than necessary.

No numbers. I only share numbers if it's a mutual exchange with a close relative (or a complete stranger on line LOL)

Personally, I'm not even going to tell my mom. If someone asks me, I'm going to be pointed about it as in, "I'm not going to share his IQ." Then, I plan to blather on about how the test is structured and what a good experience it was, highly recommended, blah blah blah.

No numbers for kids. DS7 (the only one tested so far) knows he's GT. He also knows that's like having blue eyes or long legs--nothing to brag about, since he didn't do anything to earn it.

But a number without context is pretty meaningless, so until he is ready to understand the context...no numbers.

As someone who wishes she had known her score earlier than adulthood, however, if he asks and wants to learn about all that testing entails, I will teach him. That is, I will teach him *provided* I am convinced that he's looking for self-knowledge, not bragging rights.

I do share with close family who understand GTness and close friends who understand GTness. No one else. It's a very small group!

Hmm. I never really thought about it. There are specific people that I wouldn't share them with because I just don't want to deal with the things I'd be expecting. I shared them with my mom, though, who is totally understanding about the situation. I believe she learned a lesson I probably should have warned her about.....I guess when co-workers were talking about grandkids and bragging and such, she mentioned DS and what was going on (I don't know how much detail she provided) and how we were trying to figure out what was going to be best for him. From other grandparents she heard comments like "wow, he's going to be one of those weird kids who speaks his own language." and "oh really? so, what's he like a freak genius or something?"

It was very hurtful to her and out of all the people she may have spoken to, only one gentleman was understanding. He said his DD is gifted, but he didn't think it was to the same degree as DS. I felt really bad for her - DS is her only GC and to feel that she can't partake of the same conversations w/o filtering what she shares, is sad. May I never make someone else feel that way.

And that's another reason as well. I feel that most people have no context in which to understand...other than some people know that 100 is avg. What is the point of providing a number, most people would require a lot of education to go with it...and I don't have the time or desire to do any of that, LOL. I think it is really important that people understand GT before giving them a number. My parents actually know a lot about it (at least have learned a lot since DS4 was about a year old). And once it is out there, it's out there. That is kind of scary to think about. I just hope and pray that the school will use the same discretion when they have the information. Frankly, that whole thought frightens me. What if it leaked out. I can just picture DS coming home and saying "my teacher says I shouldn't act that way because I have a ________ IQ" You just never know.

Did you do the pinky promise? LOL

Yup! We have a couple "things" about sharing numbers in our house. This is the first one. Until DS knows exactly what the test does and doesn't measure, and understands the statistics, he doesn't get a number. And actually we've never discussed the testing in terms of IQ -- he probably has an inkling that it's known, but it's not on the table if you know what I mean. It is, however, in an unlocked file cabinet with all his other school-related records, so if he were to dig it out he could see it. (And actually he has the statistics pretty well down pat now too...)

Second, I don't share The Number with people in general because people in general don't understand the context. They don't understand what is and isn't measured and they seriously don't understand the statistics. I don't mind that they know he's in DYS -- which is really enough of a hint to get a good estimate anyway -- and I've said enough here and there that someone who knew what they were doing could probably piece together enough to guess it within maybe 5 points. So that serves as a "gatekeeper"... LOL Anyone who knows enough that I'd let them know numbers can probably figure out the numbers on their own.

The third thing is that we live in a very VERY small town. Nothing is secret (for long anyway) and while that has its benefits, it also means that if I were to let anything slip it would a) get around faster than you can believe and b) enter the realm of Topics Of Discussion. Especially in small towns or close-knit communities, everything you offer gets to be handed around... with commentary. It's like something that came up on the thread about media attention -- you really are putting your kid out there to be talked about. So even if I thought I could tell one person, it would quickly get around to the handful of people that I really wouldn't want to discuss it with. I'm sure enough people know enough that there's some speculation around town, but speculation is miles apart from the authoritative quoting of Data.

And the last thing is, The Number really doesn't matter as much as what he does. If he's achieving at a solidly high level (and he is), everyone can see that. They don't need a number to prove that he's really doing it. If he isn't, then the number isn't getting him very far. It might be different if he had a lot of scatter, or if there were 2E issues where people needed to know how to accomodate him, but as it is he's well represented by his achievement, and that's a bit easier to share with the general public.

In todays breaking news.....

Related to this subject, DS6 came home today and informed me that he is the smartest kid in the whole school. I asked why he thought so and he told me that he had a 180 IQ. He refused to tell me who had put the idea in his head. I asked him if he knew what IQ meant. He said "Intelligence Quotient" and smiled. I asked again. "Do you know what intelligence quotient means?" To which he replied.... "It means i'm wicked smart!" (He heard us talking about that particular phrase and has taken it as his own!) I would love to know if it was a child or an adult that was discussing IQ scores with him. He'll tell me eventually, he's not good at secrets.

So tonight, Humility 101......Wish me luck!