Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Am I too focused on 'gifted'?

Hmmm. I was skipped and hated it because it was socially disruptive. I went from feeling like I could be myself in my old class to needing to hide who I was because the smart kids in my new class resented me. So I hid.

DS, OTOH, was not skipped and has never hidden his abilities from anyone. He is in 7th in an ordinary Public School and is thriving and happy, engaged and learning. You'll have to take my word for this, of course, but if you met him, I am sure that you would have no doubts about his love of life and learning.

Which is all just to say that you really can't make generalities about our kids. There are too many variables. Not that we can't learn from each others' stories, of course.

I agree, you really have to look at the specific situation. I was skipped (from 6th to 8th grade) and went from hiding and being desperately lonely to finally feeling like I wasn't an alien from another planet and having a couple of friends. It was one of the best things my parents ever did for me.

I think you are misunderstanding my points, G3. Suffice it to say that I have no opinion whatsoever on your child's boredom as a specific case. I don't know your child. When I said "you" I intended it in the generic sense. In context of my post, it comes after my DS's story, so I thought the generic was understood. My mistake, and I'm sorry for the confusion.

You and I have had this same misunderstanding in the past, so please assume in future that I am NOT making statements about you personally. It's just not something I will ever do. You have my word. I use the word "you" in the generic sense a lot. I will make a concerted effort not to do so in response to your posts. But if I slip, please point it out to me and I will edit the word out to avoid confusion. I will never comment specifically on how you are raising your children. I understand--and have understood for a long while now--that such comments are not welcome from me.

I do not want such small things to distract, however.

My point throughout this discussion has been very single-minded and clear: boredom can cause real harm. Not that it is harming your child, or his, or hers over there. I don't know that. And not that it harms every child. I never said anything of the sort because I don't know every child.

But statements like the one that started this discussion, the same one Dazey noted:


This I refute, and I refute it in the strongest terms possible. I DO see it leading to catastrophic consequences and permanent damage in *some* cases. Most definitely! This isn't a statement about your child--though perhaps you intended it to be and that's the root of the problem?--this is a generalization about all kids. This general statement is what I was taking issue with.

You do not see this issue as I do. Fair enough. But none of that is about my judging you or your choices about your child. I am commenting on a blanket statement about boredom, not about you or your choices. That is all I was ever intending to comment on.

Dottie, that's a really good point.

Acs, I'm so glad you child is happy at school, that's wonderful, he's so fortunate.

Like, Dottie's son, our children had to have a radical change in order to make their educational experience realistic for how quickly they learn.

Both girls have totally different personalities. In fact, our DYS has such amazing attentionial focus and is so well balanced she was supposed to be the one that could withstand repetition and rote, "boring" tasks. And she did, however, this in itself caused some extreme damage to her that we are now having to unravel.

Luckily, children, are so resilient and bounce back so quickly! I'm so lucky to have such amazing children, they are both doing great now!

And yes, thank you acs for reitering what I had just said about all kids being different. Which, by the way, was in response to your taking to task another forum member for relating their own experiences which just happened to be different from your situation.

I push for my child to have challenge because I had a very similar experience as Dottie. I almost failed the second year of university, mostly from having absolutely no study skills. I feel strongly that out of all the things that school is supposed to teach children, that is one of the biggest survival lessons for both university and for a work environment.

The problem is that a Gifted child is much less likely to need to learn these skills at a normal school. I try to make sure my sons are challenged enough that they have to pick up part of the study skills, part of the resiliency against failing that most children get, and some of the confidence in their abilities that comes from hard work as opposed to just putting their faith in their intelligence.

So, yes, I think boredom can be detrimental to Gifted kids.

If you believe this book I'm reading on boys, some of this is due to a mismatch between the way schools/classes are run and boys personality. I know the teacher that DS had a good year with, was thought to be a good boy teacher. She had a loud voice, was constantly moving and had her class constantly moving. For baseball math, she'd actually move all the tables around and make bases and the kids ran around the bases doing math problems. In my son's 2nd grade class, the teacher was sooooo calm and steady with a very low voice, I'd find it hard to keep my concentration all day. Plus the classrooms are open so you can hear all the noise from the neighboring class rooms.

I also read in one of my gifted books that kids w/ IQ120 can be bored and under-nourished in a public school. It all depends on the level of the school. I have another friend where the majority of the kids are 120-135 and their curriculum reflects it, those are considered the ND kids.

According to someone in the know, my son's school isn't big on critical thinking. The kids in 5th grade thought slaves were invited here. Not just a few kids either. She said the level of critical thinking is just not what it needed to be for my son.

I found with my son, he was happy in math, he was happy overall. So it's not like he needed everything fixed, just that one thing. This is probably true about your son. He is enjoying a regular public school but with radical acceleration, just means his most important needs are being met. I don't think everything needs to be perfect for these kids, just the important things.

'Neato, this is what I was trying to get at with my original post. I don't think I used the right words in the title to get at the 'meat' of what my concerns were. I've been an inconsistent poster and I think I missed your DD's full story, so I'll do a search because I would love to read about her.

So now that I've finally clarified my thinking ... With my DS there are no real clear-cut red flags like unhappiness or acting out or even complaints of "boredom". Yet he's doing stuff in math that he knew how to do at age 4. Now obviously he's learning *something* since he hasn't had formal math instruction outisde of school and he does has a relative weakness in geometry - although the teacher's description of "struggling" was a little much considering he got a perfect score the end of unit test once he was taught.

I *know* there's no clear-cut answer for what is a good-enough situation. And I think we're preaching to the choir when we say every kid is different, can't generalize, etc. But I hope that doesn't discourage people from giving any strong opinions or sharing their extreme stories without having to worry about making someone question their own choices. For the record, when I ask for advice, I don't mind very strong opinions. I'm a big girl - I end up going with my gut feeling anyway. But my gut is stronger when I'm given the spectrum of opinions. Pontificate away! Get on soapboxes! It's all good . I've never gotten the feeling that anyone is judging another's parenting by being opinionated.

Oh Dottie, I wasn't advocating that position certainly! I would have preferred to be your DS in school, not the me who learned to be lazy and not work hard! But my parents didn't know any better and were certain that not upsetting the apple cart was the best mode.

I only meant it to say that often, HG+ kids are very perceptive. They know what they're "supposed" to look like and some can blend. It doesn't make them happy, it just makes them camouflaged.

Jool, I've been meaning to post what's going on with my girls and haven't had a chance. I also wanted to make sure it was working the way I thought it was before I posted what I consider a successful advocation story with a very happy ending!

Perfectionist much?!?!?

I tell you what, I'll make time later this evening to post the whole kit and caboodle, so look out for it.

BTW, it took me almost two years of soul searching and investigating and trying things to find what I consider a very happy solution for the girls.

It doesn't always come easily or instantaneously. Keep up what you are doing and continue to proceed with how you know your child to be in mind and you'll find a good place.....

I think you are awesome and I can see that you are processing all this very well.

I feel bad if anyone thought that I was arguing with people sharing stories, since, as far as I am concerned that is the best part of this forum.

This issue I had taken the poster in question to task for was posting general statements about gifted kids and boredom, some of which could have been taken by some as an attack on their well-considered decisions. If she had used the term "my kid" instead of "you" then I would have read happily without being troubled by what she said. She has subsequently rephrased the statement without changing the story and I am quite content.

What I was really hoping was not that people stopped telling stories but that we remember our divers audience and remember this, which I had posted earlier.

My comments about all kids being different were, indeed, meant to be an echo of what you said. They were my attempt to live up to my own request that we make sure we tell our stories without negating those of others.