Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Grade skipping - revisited

Thank You for the reply Grinity, I am new to this board so trying to figure it all out. Funny you mention homeschool, I joke around to family that I will have to homeschool. I did find out in NYC we can only legaly homeschool for 1/2 a day.
Yesterday he came home and told me I would have to order the 4th grade phonics book since the teacher told him she would not order it since he is going through the books too fast. I was just so sad hearing this, just makes me want to cry. As you mentioned stuck between a rock and a hard place. I am glad you mentioned small private school too. There is one I was thinking about very small need IQ 130+ to get in. I am worried about the social aspect of such a small school like you had mentioned. It is far from us too, so that would also be a burden as you mentioned. The class he is is now is comprised of 1st and 2nd graders. I thought about sending him back down to kindergarten but worried that may cause other problems. I like the description "unique" child, I usually say he is an anomaly, "unique" sounds nicer LOL. We will try the gifted public in Sept. I dk what to expect from them but honestly am already expecting problems. My head is in a million places right now SORRY!! It is finally nice to speak to others who understand. Your DS must be something else w/too high to measure IQ scores!! Mine is not that high.

I know she is not really aware because he also tells me some bring there nintendo ds's to school and play them behind her back. He wanted to bring his as well. So that is not a good sign. We will switch to public in sept. That will bring more problems I am sure.

I don't believe it's true that you can only homeschool half the day. The 900 hours listed here as required is pretty standard nationally for a full year of school.

Here's a link to the law:
http://www.hslda.org/laws/analysis/New_York.pdf

Beware of "hearing" about the laws and customs for homeschooling in your area. It's best to get it directly. There are a LOT of misconceptions out there!

Tracey,

I was skipped three times in three different districts.

I was crushed when I was put back in with my age peers when we moved.

The bullying will probably occur no matter what with his age peers because he is so different. I used to carry around my books and the teasing was merciless. Can you imagine being in 7th grade and a new kid in the school and carrying around, "The Physics of Telescope Mirror Design?" or going to the library to read reference books during lunch because that is all you have to read to stimulate your mind? I had less of it when I was skipped.

When skipping is presented to kids, as it was to me, as a curriculum decision - the issue was, "Do you want to read an adult book every day or a child's book?" and "Do you want to do Algebra or 2 digit multiplication? and "Do you want to learn Physics or do recess?" and "Do you like 4th grade math or 6th grade math" ( after a pullout) - its an easy choice.

Ok, that is totally pathetic! Order the 4th grade phonics book and explain what a 'backhanded compliment' is and take the position (no matter how difficult that is) that she is actually impressed with him and pleased, but expressing it weirdly. Vent here about how sad it is, but don't let on to DS or you'll convinse him he's a 'poor me.' ((Read Sylvia Rimm for more on this.))

I didn't mean that ALL small private schools are bad socially. I meant that some (like maybe your current one) are. If there are only 3 other kids at the school, but they are great kids who have fun together then it's 'enough' - right? I lot of this depends on the teacher to validate each child and set the right tone....

OK, so I have a question -
Does your current Montessori have an older classroom? Or is his group the oldest?

I think that the most important thing to do right now is to keep reading and keep posting and get used to the idea that your son is normal 'for him' and deserves a situation that is good for him socially and academically. You can do this! It will take a while.

Love and More LOve,
Grinity

LOL - my DS certianly is 'something else' and I've very proud of him. But unfortunatly, too high to measure IQ scores are 'not that high' these days - the tests putter out right at the 3rd standard deviation. My son is also quite high in some areas and on the low side of average in other areas, so if the test had more 'ceiling room' on his high areas, he would have had a chance to have a higher 'Full Scale' score. Thankfully the Davidson YSP doesn't require that a child be at the 3rd Standard Deviation all across the board, because it recognises the limitation of the tests. Even the folks who make the IQ tests freely admit that they aren't designed to be that accurate at that part of the tail. I believe that this led them to create modern tests that basically stop at 150. When I grew up, I heard about IQ scores of 180 and 200. Although one can use a particular outdated test to get that kind of score nowadays, this isn't standard practice.

Anyway this is a technical issue, but can be confusing to compare a child's scores with older family member's scores - our internal push to deny that our child might really be 'that' different will tend to exploit this confusion. We are all sort of wading our way through the mess, grateful for those moments when the clouds part and the sun shines in.

Traceyquns, I'm so glad you are here with us. You sound 'just like me' when my son was your age, but I was alone with it racing around and around in my head.

Smiles,
Grinity

Had an interesting discussion with the gifted coordinator at DS' school yesterday. She is the one that is advocating a three grade skip for my son. She knows i'm having a very hard time wrapping my head around the idea. Yesterday she told me to consider my son from the perspective of coursework and not grades. She asked me if there weren't any grades K-6 and kids just moved along at the pace they performed would it be an issue? I said "Of course not, that would be the perfect situation". To which she replied "so you're just hung up on the label, 4th grade". I had to agree. She gave me the socialization speech from the other side, that he can interact with his agemates at recess and in afterschool activities like soccer, karate etc. She laughingly reminded me that for the most part he doesn't like time with his agemates except on the playground. Once again I was forced to agree. She showed me his proposed schedule for next year. He would be in 4th grade for all core subjects except math. He could participate in enriched studies for language arts and would be pulled out for math to 6th everyday. In addition because of the way the scheduling works, he can have lunch and recess with the 1st grade so he would have some time with his agemates. His math class would take place while the 4th grade is at lunch.

When I brought up the future and the fact that this would put him in high school at 11, she laughed and said she'd be surprised if he wasn't ready for high school at 9. She said that the speed which he moved through material was amazing and wouldn't be at all surprised to find that he needed a few more skips before we were through. Then she quietly said that she didn't think the high school(there's only one)would be able to give him what he will need at that point and that he would probably require some sort of alternative program of homeschooling, tutors, mentors etc.

She told me that my son truly loves to learn. She's afraid that by not "feeding the beast" his attitude will change and he'll sour on school. He really does love it, drove me crazy over Christmas break about when he vould go back. When I sat him down and talked to him about it, he was all for the idea. He is definitely not lacking in confidence. He's not intimidated by older kids at all and is quite willing to answer questions in regards to why he's in the upper classes.

So, I'm in need of opinions here. Is it just the inability to let go of my picture of "childhood" that's making this so hard?

Having a childhood means "just let him be a kid," right? Doesn't that mean that children should have the opportunity to be happy and do things they enjoy without too much pressure? Which environment would be less stressful/ more enjoyable for your son? Not everyone has the same "childhood" and we need to feel like we have the permission to give our kids the "childhood" that's the best fit for them.

Around here, childhood means spending hours sititng in one place reading Conan Doyle, building with Legos, playing with dolls, spending an hour working on a Bach or Mozart piece, riding bikes, hanging around in the pasture holding chickens, and studying the Mesozoic era for a paleontology competition. Hey, it's not the childhood I had, but it's the one that is right for my kids and these are the activities that make them happy.

Maybe the childhood that would make your son happiest would include 6th grade math and hanging around with older kids?

It seems like you have to solve each problem as it comes up and not worry too much about the future. There will always be options for solving the next problem and the folks on this board will be happy to help give you you ideas for dealing with each stage.

I guess what I wonder about most is if he is happy with the older kids in the classes he is already in. Do they seem like a better social fit than in the younger grade? Is he accepted by them and allowed to participate?

I also know that you have many other kids in the household and I would want to make sure that his skipping wouldn't painfully disrupt another kid's status in his/her world. If this might be a problem, I would try to address it before the skip and see if there are ways to minimize any disruption.

I was skipped out of a class that I loved into a class that shunned me so I am very cautious about the social aspects of a skip. But it sounds like he may be being eased into the new situation more seamlessly than I was and I suspect that makes a big difference.

He is participating in some 3rd grade classes this year so most of the kids he'd be with next year are kids that he already knows. All of his teachers have said that he does fine with the older kids. He hasn't been bullied or picked on at all.

I don't have any kids in the grades in question next year. I have an FS who would be going into 5th but chanses are he'll be back with his bio family prior to school next year. So as it stand now, DS6 would be my only child in elementary as my 12yo moves up to middle school next year.