Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Grade skipping - revisited

Our school is exactly the opposite of most schools. They have catered to DS6 in every possible way. FDS9 on the other hand has a learning disability and it's like pulling teeth! Go figure?

Oh - and as I think I've mentioned before, you're amazing, too!

Hi Shari,
My thinking is that starting in 3rd is fine, but if the GT notices that he can have a less disruptive day by starting in 4th - I say 'Go For It.' He has been doing most of his subjects in 3rd or higher this year, so moving to 4th might be natural. Perhaps you can list him as a 3rd grader 'assigned to the 4th grade homeroom' so you can keep him in this amazing school longer.

Academically it sounds like things are fine, as they will keep moving him to 'make it fit,' but it seems to me that socially he might have a better chance of enjoyable social interactions if you minimize the disruption to his day.

DS12 got to start the school year with the class he was going to spend the year with, and he really was very grateful for the experience, having skipped a month into 5/6th grade. "Wow, the teachers spend the first few days telling you exactly what they want from you this year - that's great information to have!"

BTW - I think you are unnescessarily scaring yourself by calling this a 3 grade jump. If his academics were at 3rd and 4th grade level this year, and the teachers though he fit in well, then I wouldn't call it a grade skip at all, just a formalization of the process that has already begun. Or have I missed something?

Our family has only dealt with a 'summer birthday + single grade skip' and yes, it's not enough. I've heard amoung some of the Young Scholar Parents that the 'third skip is the charm.'

((shrugs)) either way, if you are willing to stay flexible - you've won.

Best Wishes,
Grinity

My son is currently in a montessori school where he skipped kindergarten. His class is comprised of 1st and 2nd graders. His teacher has placed him w/the 2nd graders. It has been nice to get a taste of what it is like to skip grades. The work is not an issue. However, Peter would tell me the kids make fun of his age (5) and make fun of his "big writing" and that he has no friends. So in our case we have learned that it is not good socially to skip grades. He was so ecstatic when he turned 6 but then quickly realized well the other kids will be turning 7 then. He is the youngest in the class place w/the oldest kids.

We will be switching to public in sept and Peter will be placed in 1st grade all over again. I think about skipping and think, well if our kids are grades ahead say 3+, well then that ends the debate for me. I think well skipping one year won't help academically and skipping more than 1 will not be good socially, so I think , well just put him where he is "supposed" to be and we will get outside help for him or hope he can get extra work at school. I try to think back to what it was like for me in school and being a very late bloomer I would have had a very hard time socially if I myself skipped. I was offered to skip 8th grade but declined. I think thank God I declined and imagine it was more than one grade. I would have had no friends for sure. I am thinking of signing Peter up for online courses to fill the accademic void anyone do this????

What are the teachers doing about this bullying behavior on the part of the classmates? If they're allowing it to go on, then you have a bigger problem with the school than your DS not fitting in!

Why is your DS's age even an issue? Why do his classmates even know how old he is?

Have you arranged playdates with the older kids? Does he share interests with any of the kids that he could build on? Does he try to hang out with the most popular kids--who are most likely to reject him!--or does he attempt to make friends with the "fringe kids" who don't have a lot of friends themselves?

A lot of fitting in socially has to do with technique!

As for this:


No single solution is effective for every child. Some people do not do well socially with a grade skip, just as some kids do not do well socially without one. The more cliqueish the group of kids, the harder it will often be for a younger child to break in. But there are usually ways to improve the situation. Certainly the bullying should be addressed!

Welcome dear!
You certianly are between a rock and a hard place. My thinking as I was reading your post was - why bother to send him to school at all? Why not homeschool if there is NO chance of him progressing academically at school?

I am a big fan of establishing enough parental leadership with your child that you are in a position to 'demand' challenging work be done after school, but to be honest, some kids are too exhausted when they come home to do more.

I would certianly not advise 'riding out' this year. I would use it as a chance to learn, learn, learn about parenting your unique child. I would sign him up for many activities with age peer and with older kids so that you can see how he interacts with other children of various ages. Unfortunatly, small private schools can be a social nightmare because the pool of kids is just too small to find someone to 'click with.' We found this with our son, now aged 12, who spend two years in a private school that were great academically but a total loss socially, and my son is very social. We moved him to public 8th grade, and he's having a ball socially, and learning a lot, although perhaps a bit underchallenged in the 'organizational skills' department. So he's with the same age group, but having a very different social experience.

I would encourage to read 'Genius Denied' because it has the actual number on kids' experiences with gradeskips.

I would also like to address the 'only one skip isn't enough, and several is too much socially.' I hate to see folks taking this position, because flexibility is really the key to grade placements. So a single skip might be a good start, and a child might go with an older group for certian subjects, and in years to come additional full skips might occur.

One possibility for now is to request that your child be placed back with his agemates at the Montessori, and try that on for size. See if he makes more friends. Again, in small schools, the character of each grade may vary wildly. Ask your son what he thinks would work for him. I have experienced that the teacher sets the tone for how each child is treated. Another possible thing to try is to put him with the 3rd and 4th graders now at the Montessori and see if the older kids are more mature about having a 'little buddy' around. Sometimes there is too much jealousy with the kids who are just one year older.

I like the idea of taking classes in practicing social skills.

Whatever you decide, we are here for you to talk to. Grade skips kind of stink, compared to a classroom of agemates with similar learning readiness levels. For us, the hour drive each way plus two parents working was 'too much for our family' and staying with agemates caused too much behavioral and underachievement problems, so that left a single gradeskip with tracked Math as a 'least worst option.' For now, it's working, even though DS12 has those 'too high to measure' IQ scores.

Just some thoughts....

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Tracey... I sent you a private message, click on the blinking letter at the top.

Hi Kriston,
You are right about having a bigger problem with the school.
I have pretty mich given up at this point and trying to get through the rest of the year. The teacher tells me he has friends etc. I know my son can't make this stuff up. The teacher is also the owner of the school. She is running the school and teaching 3 different grades. I think it is impossible she prob doesn't have much of a clue what is going on.
This kids have bdays in school so age is a common topic in the class. I am not sure about who is is being rejected from or how he is trying to make friends. Lately he tells me he has gotten user names of others who play poptropica. So he does have video games in common like nintendo DS etc. The writing I think is a big issue. He can't write "nice" like the older kids. I mean his writing can be really really messy. That is easy thing for the older kids to make fun of.
I agree skipping may be fine for some kids. My son is not "emotionally" ahead. But just last night he told me he finished his 3rd grade phonics book and the teacher told him she wouldn't give him the 4th grade book because he jumps ahead. So what do I do now? He flies though the books and now gets yelled at for it. UGH!! yes I have major school problems! Any advice on how to handle this?

A teacher/owner who is unaware of the way kids are treating one another is a big, big problem in my book. I'm not saying that a teacher is wholly responsible, because sometimes kids are sneaky and mean to one another. But I'm guessing many of these comments are taking place within the classroom because of the context of them. That's a culture of bullying.

Yes, I suspect something like K-12 would be very useful in your situation!