Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Dealing with OEs

I dread taking all 3 of mine to the library! They're the same age spread as yours, but a bit older (DS7, DS4-almost 5, and DD2). They all 3 are so excited about being there and it's like kids in a candy store with them, they truly can't control themselves and I think it's only made worse by the fact that they *know* they should. It's also how we end up with (and I'm not kidding) no fewer than 50 books any time we leave the library when I take all 3. It's easier to say 'yes' to every book request than to fight with them. And honestly how do you say 'no' to a little face telling you the only thing in the world they've ever wanted to read about was the life cycle of the zebra butterfly? lol

For any outing, we do what DH calls "rules of engagement". When we pull out of the drive way we talk briefly about what behavior we expect at the destination. I make it a fun game and come up with crazy scenarios to get the kids laughing but also thinking about the expectations. "What if a green alien landed in the middle of the store? Would you run off to see what his spaceship looks like? No, that's right, you would stay right by Mommy's side!" "What will you do if your brother makes you really, really mad because he's singing a song *you* want to sing?" When we got to the destination, I turn the car off and then turn around and make eye contact with the kids "Remember, I expect you to behave appropriately. That means, no hitting or yelling, you walk with Mommy and I don't want to see any fighting. Does everyone understand?" If they seem particularly restless or I have a bad feeling about the trip, I add in the "abort mission" clause. "If I have to speak more than 3 times to any of you guys about your behavior, we are leaving and won't be able to get/have/go to _______."

It doesn't make it perfect and I still occasionally leave stores with my head hung low, muttering under my breath and my cheeks burning with embarrassment. But, it does help make the kids more cognizant of the fact that their behavior effects other people and while it may be fun for *them* to go careening quickly around a corner in Costco, the little old lady with the 2000lb cart won't find it nearly as amusing.

This was right on.

((humor alert)) Whoes OE's are you talking about? Her 'overMotor' or your 'overSensory?'
Grinty[/quote]

The answer is both. Lots of noise and little sleep is not a good start for mommy or DD.

Thanks everyone, It helps to know others have been there. DD is definitely wanting to explore with out me more. She is in a part day preschool for a couple hours in the morning so that helps a lot.

Today was much better. We went for a long, long, walk. DD and DS ran and found lots of sticks. DH went with us and I ran into the library alone. Yay. Now I can read my books and eat some chocolate and they should all sleep for at least awhile?

skyward, I just wanted to add to the 'been there' chorus. My 3.5 year old is just like that. He is so high energy, and willful, and determined and independent and good at motor things...putting things out of his reach puts him in MORE danger b/c he gets up in the dark of night while we're all sleeping and stacks things. Last spring, at 2.5, I was woken around quarter of six by the sound of our door...sprang out of bed thinking he'd gone out. Well, he was coming IN. He'd gotten up, unlocked the door, walked down to the road to the mailbox to pick some flowers, and was coming in to bring me flowers in bed. At least people don't drive way too fast at 5.30 am! He's so sweet, but he so cannot understand why he cannot do things like run off in crowds. HE always knows where he is, after all. He exhausts us all. And he's been this way from babyhood. The nurses in the hospital avoided us b/c he screamed so horribly. He climbed ladders before he could walk. I once left him at about 1.5 sitting on the floor for less than 30 seconds, truly, running to get something from another room, and came back to find him naked, sitting on top of a bookcase, eating a bagel. and now he's got baby brother issues, too...it's sooooooo tiring!! and anger is his negative emotion, and it's not one I deal with well naturally. He just wears me OUT. I second kids, parents, and power struggles, too. I haven't had time to read far into it, but it has really helped our morning getting dressed fight. like, solved it.

Mamaandmore, Great ideas. The space ship scenario is hilarious. I will have to use that.

I recently found out I can order books online from the library and then just run in and pick them all up. This is great with three kids. I still have to take them in, but now I can just check our shelf, fill up the bags and we are ready to go. DD4 can pick out her stuff from home and I can manage the account online. This saves so much time and harassment, and I can even get some stuff for myself.

I discovered the checking out on-line after we were thrown out of the library when DS was 3. I had books in hand and was waiting to check them out. DS was entertaing himself on the computerized card catalogue when the librarian told him to get off the computer because he would damage it. He had a screaming meltdown. I tried to point out that DS was being very gentle and not doing anything to damage the computer. When librarian glared at me I started having a screaming meltdown and then we were ejected without my even getting to check out my books.

I'd completely forgotten about that. Thanks for the nice walk down memory lane

The answer is both. Lots of noise and little sleep is not a good start for mommy or DD.

Thanks everyone, It helps to know others have been there. DD is definitely wanting to explore with out me more. She is in a part day preschool for a couple hours in the morning so that helps a lot.

Today was much better. We went for a long, long, walk. DD and DS ran and found lots of sticks. DH went with us and I ran into the library alone. Yay. Now I can read my books and eat some chocolate and they should all sleep for at least awhile?

[/quote]

Skyward, your pain is very much the reason I am on this site: I do feel like others here understand. It seems like I spend my life bent at the waist, running as fast as possible to catch DD 25 mos. and contain the "yard sale" of items she leaves in her wake. Having said that, I have just one DD 25 mos. - I can't imagine what it's like having a DD 4 and a tiny one, too. God help you.

I just wanted to echo the "exercise hard" an hour a day plan. Jumping on the bed and counting jumps without stops is really exhausting and fun. They get to try to beat their own records as they beat themselves into the ground.

I never, ever go to the library with DD 25 mos. Not possible.

Recently I learned of a "time in" approach to corralling wayward energy outbursts as opposed to "time out." It's basically positive time together. It seems to work well when I remember to do it and have the patience for it.

I've also heard that going from 3 to 4 is pretty easy (didn't want to find out for ourselves).

Update: I took all three kids to the bookstore yesterday, and we didn't have a single problem. Not even a little one.* This was the first time that an outing like that had been so...thoroughly enjoyable. It was so easy, I didn't even realize it until we got home. Nice! See, it does get better.

Val


*I am conveniently omitting what could be described as issues, man at soccer yesterday morning. See, soccer was before the bookstore. Let us focus on the positive!

Go Val!

lol montana - too funny and a wee willy wink scary... did you have to get a leash, too, like us?

Sounds like Montana has taken a good few trips to Heart Attack City. Meet you there for a cuppa cha sometime?

Our former neighbors had a boy who walked at 10 months and figured out how to unlock doors soon after. His favorite places to go were 1. through the fence where the vicious dog would often be and 2. the middle of the street.

I was home alone one day and looked out the front window (view partially blocked by a bush) to see a woman dashing into the road. I walked into the next room to get something and saw her scooping this kid up out of the road. She saw me and, in a mucho judgmental tone said, "Is he YOURS?"

I shook my head lamely and pointed to the neighbor's house. The kid's grandmother came running up the driveway trying to explain that she always chose looking in the vicious-dog-zone first, reasoning that the street was not super-busy but that the dog was super-nasty.

I don't envy those folks!

Val