Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Talking with other moms

Nah -- you don't have to share any sort of label if you don't want to. I'd really try to be upfront, not avoiding questions but not giving any more info than you need to. If they feel like you're "hiding" something, they just push harder because they feel like there's something to "know," kwim?

It's a fine line between being upfront and encouraging competitive feelings. I try to be as matter-of-fact as I can; I find honest-but-brief is usually the way to go. And don't rise to the bait and get defensive! The more confident you are, the better. They smell fear!

My ds goes to private school, so I do get the "Why doesn't he go to public school?" question from casual acquaintances, to which my standard reply is, "He has some special educational needs, and public school wasn't working for him." They usually assume the *other* kind of special ed and don't press the issue! This is only with people I know I won't be dealing with too much ... and if I do end up befriending them or needing to explain further down the road, that intro is usually a good one. When and *if* I end up explaining that the special needs are that he's PG, it usually receives a better reception because I've placed it in the context of special ed and not gone on in a perceived "brag." That usually inspires curiosity and a desire to understand about PG kids.

I go with short and sweet whenever I can... My favorite line is that "I wish I could take credit for it but he just came that way!"

If pressed, I'll admit that he's come from a long LONG line of geeks and then divert the subject to his various relatives with various geeky careers and hobbies -- math teachers, librarians, computer programmers, sys admins, compulsive readers, history nuts, engineers, accountants, etc. The poor kid had no hope of being born anything but a geek and then we went and surrounded him with engineers and statisticians among our friends, and it was all downhill from there....

Now the fact that he's polite I'll take full credit for. LOL!!

Oh, how I can totally relate to this! I often get comments/questions from total strangers (like in the store) because my son (age 5) is a chatterbox and of course talking to him is like talking to a 10 year old (in terms of his comments, observations, etc.) So there's a fine line you walk when the audience who hears your answers to the many questions includes your child. I am proud, but don't want to make too much out of it, so I try to keep it short and sweet (e.g., he loves to read, he's great at math and we're very proud of him, etc.)

I often wonder, would people make comments/ask questions if your child was on the other end of the learning spectrum??

I have learnt a lot from this forum. Someone led me to this in one of my earlier (confused) post.
http://hoagiesgifted.org/hard_won_truths.htm

Now I don't talk abt it at all. Once in awhile, when there is a question on why DS8 is attending higher grade Math, I just reply "They (the teacher/ school) think it's better for him. " and change subject!

Regarding placement I am planning to say this a lot "it's a much better fit for him." People usually don't question anything else...maybe because they are a little unsure about what that means which works for me. DS4 isn't in formal schooling yet, other than a new Montessori program. When a few people have asked him why I moved him I tell them that his last program was great but this program is a better fit for him.

I try hard not to talk to other moms :-) We live in a very competitive area of town full of politicians, lawyers and such. I've been grilled by many a mom who wants to know what type of learning system/flashcards/tutoring program I used. My standard response is "I didn't do anything, he just came this way." Obviously, we all know that we *did* do something- be it reading to them, playing with them, buying them board games or whatever. But I didn't "make" him smart like this! When people have asked why he goes to private school, I tell them it works better with our work schedule. They usually give me a funny look since I'm primarily a stay-at-home mom... but they never ask!

One thing I will caution moms of younger kids on is the standard "yes he can read but he sucks at ____". I was so guilty of this early on! I'd say "Yes he speaks very well but you should see him run, he's so uncoordinated" or something similar. In my attempts to make him seem more normal, he overheard me once and I totally hurt his feelings. Since then, I've heard other moms say it in the compare our kids at the park game.

As for people asking questions of parents with kids on the other end of the spectrum, the answer is YES. People are nosy and rude all around. My best friend's daughter is autistic and people stop us in public all the time. Some are well-meaning and just weird about expressing their sympathy. Others want to know what therapy she uses. The worst are those who read one book somewhere on the topic and want to recommend she try Omega-3s or hyperbaric chambers or something.

I agree. I would never say that my child isn't good at something. I'd just point out what the other child is good at. Even if it's brightening up a room! I love kids like that, so that's not hard to highlight!

CAMom,

I have some questions in regards to the above quote but would take this thread way off topic so may I PM you?

I have a positive post about a comment someone made. When we were checking out at the local store a little lady dropped a handful of change. My DS6 ran over and picked it all up for her right away. She told him to keep the quarter for being such a sweetheart. He told her no way was he taking her money and put it in her purse. He told her she needed the $0.73 more than he did (Yes he glanced at it and knew right away the amount). She was dumbfounded by his response. After she left, the checkout lady came around the counter and asked my son if she could give him a hug. She told him he was born with something special and never let anyone tell him otherwise. Of course this was right after school and he had been ripped apart for his handwriting, so it almost made me cry. Gotta love the ones who get it!

CAMom said:
One thing I will caution moms of younger kids on is the standard "yes he can read but he sucks at ____". I was so guilty of this early on! I'd say "Yes he speaks very well but you should see him run, he's so uncoordinated" or something similar. In my attempts to make him seem more normal, he overheard me once and I totally hurt his feelings. Since then, I've heard other moms say it in the compare our kids at the park game.

>>>>>>>

Yes, I fell into this trap once too. It happens before you know it too! Afterwards, I felt so bad I promised myself never to do that again. It's just not fair to my child. It makes me sad to think that in order to make someone feel better about the situation I have to let them know what my son does not do so well.