Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy My first advocacy, a bit uneasy

I think it's appropriate to be concerned about not offending people and stepping on toes. The world would be a better place if people considered others' reactions before acting. However, you have no control over how people will react to your advocating. As long as you're polite and considerate and treat people with respect (certainly sounds like you do), are you comfortable with other people feeling like you're critical of them? I've found that with my large district, it is likely that I will offend someone when advocating for my son -- there are just too many parents and staff members that are unfamiliar with my situation who judge my "squeaky wheel" behavior in a negative light. With advocacy, I feel I have to be comfortable with the possibility that people will want to run the other way when I walk through the school doors even though I try my darndest not to be condescending or disrespectful.

I'll vouch for you, Jool. You're just the nicest person ever. If they have a problem, it's them, not you!

(The woman shared a bucket seat with me when she didn't have to! I know what I'm talking about here!)

LOL! I would only share a bucket seat with other nice people like you, Kriston. I'll try to be nice to the principal and curriculum specialist, but I'm not making room for them in our Taurus

Good call!

The problem I've found is that advocacy involves asking questions and many people interpret asking questions=lack of trust=an accusation of hiding something. When I asked the school about questionable MAP testing data, after getting through the runaround, it turned out they were giving out bogus data because they took bad preliminary data on blind faith without analyzing or asking any questions. When I asked for more transparency in sharing test information with the parents so these mistakes wouldn't happen in the future (give parents their child's official NWEA test report instead of a hand written note with bogus renormed data), it was turned around that I was accusing them of hiding things. I felt as if I'd gotten a bad diagnosis from a doctor and when I got a second opinion that highlighted problems with the first doctor's information, instead of "Thank you for being a responsible patient. I will make sure other patients have the correct information and take steps so this won't happen in the future" it was "What?! You didn't trust me and got a second opinion?"

I do feel lots of peer pressure from the other parents to be more supportive i.e. go with the flow and stop asking questions. So the price I pay is less social support. Better that I pay the price rather than the children who will pay if parents aren't asking questions.

crisc - all those coloring worksheets really killed DS8 in K. Even today, he said K ruined him. DS5 so far doesn't mind this as much but he no longers colors in the lines, he just gets color on the page. When the teacher sent a note home "Please continue to practice this at home," I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. If it's something he is interested in, he colors really well.

Dottie - so in math class, your DD got marked up for art even w/ math errors, but your son got marked down for art with all math correct? Do teachers not see a problem with this? I guess all you can do about this is to laugh b/c it's so ridiculous.

Just to give an update for those who are interested.

I proposed the math club idea to our PTA: a math club for anyone who wants to have extra math challenges, those who are interested in math competitions will be signed up to do so. The result? Uanimous support from parents, PTA and the principal.

Yay!

Good going! Any tips to share about how you succeeded in getting unanimous support?

Inky, no idea how it worked out so well, but what might have gone right is that I talked to two members of the PTA executive board who I know fairly well--to test the water. Turned out that they both think that their kids are not getting enough math and they give their kids extra math at home. So I planned out how to go about the math club thing and ran it with them. At the PTA meeting they served as MY advocates.