Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Seeing perfectionism in action

I've been reading that being a perfectionist goes hand in hand with being gifted. DH says our DD 24 mos. is clearly a perfectionist, and here I thought she was easy-going! LOL

I'm just wondering how you all have identified perfectionism, especially in the younger years.

That's a big yes. I saw signs with DD5 as early as 10-12 months. This is when I started playing with foam letters in the bathtub with her. Once she started learning her ABC's she had to play that game every night until she knew all the letters, which she did before 12 months. She is like this with everything she learns, when she starts something she does it over, and over, and over til she is at a point she's happy that she knows it well.

Or the opposite--refusing to do it because it isn't perfect. I have one son who does it until it's perfect and another who gets frustrated if it isn't perfect the first time.

Actually, in art projects, even my "do it until it's perfect" kid throws a fit and quits if he makes a mistake. This is always exacerbated by hunger.

(Note to self: don't do art projects right before lunch...)

:p

With DS, the perfectionism is clearly linked to being underchallenged in school rather than his personality. He doesn't have a tendency to give up when he makes mistakes if he's doing something on his own and not being "evaluated". OTOH, at school, when he gets used to being praised for perfect scores without trying, he becomes hesitant to take risks and is upset if he makes any mistakes. I have to remind him that mistakes mean he's actually learning something!

You remind me, Jool:

Today, DS7 hesitated to answer a question (about something I thought he knew but just didn't remember). I told him that I was aware he wasn't sure, and that it was okay to be wrong.

"Give it a try anyway," I said.

He grinned at me, and then took a stab at it. As I thought, he "guessed" right.

Sometimes it really pays to give GT kids permission to be wrong so that they can find out they're right!

Great question!

I myself am a perfectionist and have been since I was a little thing and I know my 2 yr old is a perfectionist. It is possible that my perfectionist manners rub off on her and is something I have to watch. But I do know she is naturally this way. IE walking: she could technically walk at 11 mths but wouldn't. We had to walk hand and hand with her for months until she was 14 mths and finally trusted she was good enough to let go. We still joke that she was waiting to give us an anniversary present since she officially let go on our anniversary. Nice present and an easy milestone to remember thanks to the date. In fact, the kid has a knack for doing big things on our anniversary. Our first anniversary she said her first word: elephant when she was not quite 3 month's old. So two milestones same important date. She must have known that mommy doesn't do the baby book thing.

We had a similar problem (perfection paralysis) with Harpo and art; when he was 3, he'd stroke boxes of crayons and finger pads of paper, sigh deeply, get a bit teary, and walk away. Nothing we said or did helped him to be willing to try something he so clearly wanted to do, until we showed him a whole bunch of art books--he spent ages on a couple books I have about the Abstract Expressionists, and then he just went to town! He's been a drawing machine ever since--feeling freed from the restraints of representational art really opened the floodgates for him.

Maybe something to try?

peace
minnie

Actually, the worst of his fits came when making a color wheel. Nothing representational there, I'm afraid...

I think it has more to do with things not being as he wants them to be, the way he envisions his project. And sadly, that will be a problem with any artwork, representational or not.

He's taking art lessons from someone besides mom this quarter, so I'm hoping that helps. He tends to be less prone to outbursts with other people.

Good idea, though. I think you're smart to have figured that out with your son, and I think that would probably help a lot of kids, since I think you're right that representational art is a lot more intimidating to most kids.

Interesting thing DS6 perfectionism was out of control last fall (K) in Montessori. It got so much better with hs. It seems to me that as long as he does something on his level he can accept making mistakes. If it's something he considers easy and makes a mistake then we may be in trouble.

Kriston, I think the problem with art is that you are never sure if you got it right. That's one of the reasons why I always liked math, computer science, physics and such. It was either right or wrong. KWIM?

Yup. With the color wheel, he forgot a color--he used 50 or something, so it wasn't a huge deal!--but it threw him into a tizzy because it wasn't the way he had planned it.

He's not rigid about anything else. He doesn't need schedules or have a "lovey." He's very easygoing...except when it comes to how his art should be! It must match the plan or all you-know-what breaks loose!