Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Dealing with a bad recommendation?

DD13 is in the process of applying to an early entrance program at our local university. As part of this, she has to ask (2) teachers to give recommendations for her. She decided to ask her 7th grade LA/Social Studies teacher for one of them. Yesterday he emailed me wanting to set up a meeting to talk about "other options" for dd. After I talked with her, I'm fairly sure he thinks she couldn't handle the work and gave her a bad recommendation. Well - that's ok, I don't want him to say things he doesn't feel to be true. But I wonder if he really knows her as well as she thinks he does, and if I should try to give him more info or let it drop? (BTW, this has only stiffened dd's resolve to do the program! But as she said, "I want to do it for myself, not to prove anything to anyone.") She is a DYS, and our family consultant has written a very nice letter of recommendation for us. Teacher's dd is in the same grade, at the same school and we know him on a personal level too, just to complicate things. Thoughts/opinions?

Hi Em, Welcome to the Board.

Your post has some serious ramifications for DD. IMHO, the teacher might not be as unbiased as you initially assumed. Based upon your post, it seems that you might feel that other factors could be affecting his judgment. Do schedule a meeting with him to hear him out. Depending on the outcome of that conversation, you can decide whether to retract your initial request for a rec from him. Ask for specific examples if he is hesitant about providing a positive rec.

I'm sure other regular posters with more experience will be able to offer you insight.

Good luck and do let us know how this plays out.

I'd let it drop. I didn't even attempt to ask anyone at school for a rec when DD applied to DYS. They haven't the slightest clue what she is capable of doing. I asked the teacher from the summer gifted program who told me she was as or more capable of understanding the class concepts than her public school 7th/8th grade students when DD took her class at 7.
What about a private music teacher or something like that?


YAY! Cranky teacher gives dd precious and sometimes fleeting gift of self efficacy in a very young person. I predict: She will get into the program and succeed!

I will say, kudos to the teacher for at least being upfront with you. He could have blasted her and sent in the rec, without giving you an option to find another rec.

Thanks, momx2 and 'Neato. Unfortunately, I think teacher has already spoken with admissions people and said not-great things. But you're right, at least he was upfront about it. I just wish he had expressed any reservations when dd initially asked him, over a month ago, so that she might have asked someone else. (This program requires recommendations from 2 school teachers; can't be music or dance.)
I will pin him down to specific examples of his concerns, though.
Thank goodness we have DITD on our side!

Thanks, Dottie. We are meeting Saturday morning (w/o DD.) I'm just kind of puzzled over it, so am open to hear what he has to say. I'll find out if it is too late or if dd can ask for a different (hopefully better!) recommendation.
It's funny, after 9 years in the school system I've learned to take what educators say with a kilo of salt. I'm contemplating handing Cranky Teacher the educator's pamphlet from DITD. (He does not know she is a YS, but you can bet I will be letting that be known!)

A kilo of salt..........LOL!!!

I think that's a great idea. It would be interesting to know what the exact reservations are. Perhaps after he has said his peace, you can subtly ask questions to determine if he is biased against acceleration/early entrance college.

After re-reading your post, I see there is a personal relationship as well. Maybe tread lightly here.........perhaps this will make him more open to the early entrance idea.

Our school district seems to take a stance that they'd rather accomodate in the age level grade than skip or subject accelerate.

There are a lot of things I love about our principal, however, I know of two incidents in which he gave wrong info to parents purposefully to submarine attempts at grade skipping.

Hi Emm-

Nice to see you here! I would ask for another recommendation from ANYONE who knows your dd well. You met the two teacher quota, now find another person who will support her and provide it as evidence of her abilities and counter argument against the naysayer. Just call to let them know that one more rec is coming, from someone who has known her well and worked closely with her.

Good luck- I know she'll do great once they let her in!

Thanks, Lorel!

We met yesterday - and I was pleasantly surprised. His concern was not academic, but social-emotional, and the issues he raised are all valid points, imo. This program is so intense for the first year that these kids have to give up their entire social life and outside activities. Teacher wanted to make sure we (and dd) knew that, and are prepared should she choose to pursue it. After that first year, they are "launched" onto the campus of 40,000 students - the peer group is decidedly different from what they would find in high school. DD is not clearly focused on a career path at this time, too - if she absolutely KNEW she wanted to be an engineer or doctor, that would be one thing, but she doesn't.

I did detect a teensy bit of jealousy/competition regarding his dd, but I feel confident that he will give mine a decent rec. He wanted to make sure we as a family know what this might entail. And I always say, the more information, the better.

Thanks to all of you for your words of support - they really helped my mental state!

My 11th grade year I heard about a scholarship test given every two years that was open to all HS students nationwide. It was in history. My history teacher refused to recommend me for it, but I took the test anyway. I got a very high score, beating out his golden-haired-boy by a standard deviation.

This was the same person who refused to give me a 100% on the final because I used his pet name for someone on the test rather than the given name.

"No one should make a 100 on a final," was his reply when I discussed the test with him.

What a lovable man.

I love when they are proven wrong! Way to go Austin!