Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Feeling stressed about son starting K

KaT said:

Oh yes - the ego thing!
I would highly reccomend reading anything by Sylvia Rimm. She very correctly points out that one of the best ways of shaping childrens behavior is to let them overhear you saying good things about them. Focus on what a hard worker he is, how persistient, how much he loves a challenge, both with the calm, moderate praise you tell him directly, in the things he overhears you say to others. This really works wonders. I make little signs to remind myself. Part of the reason that kids walk around saying "I'm a genius" is that when they are such little things, they can attract so much attention for percosious abilities, which they didn't work for. So for all the Mom's of toddlers reading this, when the next well meaning stranger praises an innate ability, smile and invert it into "Yes she loves to learn," or "Yes she's a hard worker," or "I'm very proud of the way she listens so carefully." Remember the whole point of behaviorism is that we reward behaviors that we want to increase - that means that the behavior must be under the child's control. "good listening, perserverance and delaying gratification are something a child can try to increase. Reading or speaking or computing earlier than expected is a developmental path, not something a child performs at will. If you feel that your child is hooked on Adult attention (and who can blame them when placed amoung agemates for long hours at young ages?) the particular book might be quite useful: http://www.sylviarimm.com/whybrightkids.html

As for the "I skipped 2nd" that's a bit tougher. Deb Ruf talks about a praise deficit that many gifted children (and at least one adult-me) have, where after being expected to do work that is designed to help them learn what they already know, they really really really don't ever want anyone to make that mistake again. Many kids also have the experience of being full of wonderful ideas, that when they try to share, go flat, because the agemates (and sometimes the Teacher) have no idea what they are talking about.


You did a great job getting him to the serious Yu-gi-oh tournaments because there he could get lots of chances to lose, but to lose to people who respect him and understand him. That is a wonderful chance to experience postive compitition.

Enjoy!
Trinity

Yes, yes! This keeps happening to my son! Last year, he wanted to talk about infinity and a mathematical operation he invented called "zap". He says he invented zap to make an "easier kind of math". Examples: 2 zap 3 = 23, 4 zap 8 = 48. He even invented a symbol for zap--a little lightning bolt. He loves to talk about numbers as in "Mom! 10 is 2 and 3 and 2 and 3 because it's two 5's and 5 is 2 and 3 so 10-4 is 6 because 4 is two 2's and if you take them away two 3's are left and that makes 6." Other kids his age just kind of look at him blankly.

Cathy

I like "zap" - find out what he does with a number like 258?
I was trying something similar with a 6 year old who asked me what did 20 plus 20 equal. I eventually persuaded her that if she knew 2+2=4, then she also knew 20+20, as well as 200+200, and 2 million+2 million. We got there eventually, but if I had had "zap" it might have gone smoother.

You know Cathy, what really cheeses me is the amount of time that the school spent trying to teach my son to act in ways that the other kids could enjoy. Those were valuable lessons, but I guess everyone but me takes it for granted that "of course" the gifted kid should be taught to fit in, because the NT kids can't be expected to figure out ways to have the kind of fun that the Gifted kid wants to have. Actually I think a fair way to do it would be to teach brainstorming so that all the kids could be involved with generating possibilities and then they could look for overlap areas, like scooters. One of my favorite IRL gifted friends says: "No two people enjoy everything equally. You have different friendships with different people and share different things depending on the person."

Best Wishes,
Trinity

Okay, my 4 year old just took to zap - Cathy, your son might be on to something. I was reading my husband your thread and my son overheard. The next thing I knew he was asking what 2 zap 5 was and then told me the correct answer!!

If you get rich on Zap maybe you could set up a foundation to further gifted education!

LOL! I told DS that your son liked zap. That made his day to know there is another little boy who likes stuff like that. We live in CA, where are you?

Cathy

An update:

Well, I took DS in for his K assessment this morning. He successfully identified colors, letters, shapes and numbers and was able to spell his name and repeat sentences back to the teacher. She told him to count as high as he could. He got to 110 and she told him to stop! She did not get anywhere close to his actual abilities in math or reading.

She asked if I had any questions so I asked her when he would be assessed for reading level. She said that she didn't really have time to do a reading assessment but maybe he could be assessed after the first month. She said they have a few kids who are "beginning readers". DS has been reading since he was 2 1/2. He is probably reading at a 1st/2nd grade level right now.

I asked about math. She said that she will try to group the kids who can count and do simple addition together. Also, she said she adds to the math curriculum (which is mostly about shapes) by doing patterning and "same vs. different". At home he is learning two-digit addition with carrying. I'm starting to get worried about DS...

Cathy,
An easy way to find out you child's reading level is to "google" the name of some of his favorite books and the word "Lexile"
Here's an article at Hoagies with more info:http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/reading_levels.htm

golly, I'm worrying right alongside you!
Is it a full day program? Is it "mostly academic" or "mostly fun"? Seems that kids do better in "mostly fun" - half day programs.

In a way it is some comfort that you know exactly what you can expect from Kindy for your child - no false hopes to be dashed. Too bad though.

Best Wishes,
Trinity

It's a half-day program. I'm not sure about the academic vs. fun. I'm hoping they will have lots of art projects and songs.

Ok, half day program is good. Just ask the teacher how much time is spend doing reading and math. Or observe the classroom, or observe you son...soon enough you will know, sad to say.

Prayers in your general direction,
Trin

I looked up his reading level as you suggested--

He likes to read Berenstain Bears books from the First Time Books series. Today he read the first half of "The Berenstain Bears and Baby Makes Five" to me. The reading level for this book is listed as 3.5; however, he does need help on some words (about 1 word per page.) He does read some of the longer words such as "excitement", "nuisance" and "through". But on the other hand, he had trouble with "enjoyment" and "slosh". I have noticed that if I help him with a word once and then it appears later in the text he reads it easily.

I did the Schonell Reading test with him. He scored at Grade level 1.9.

Well, I'll find out more tomorrow night at the Kindergarten Orientation.