Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy DS4 telling teacher he's "so smart"

My DS4 is in his second year of part-time preschool (3 hrs/3 days wk). For weeks, he has been telling me he hates preschool, but won't say anything specific. I had a chance to mention this to the teacher yesterday when DS was out of earshot, and she said he's been telling her he's so smart and that he already knows how to do things, so he doesn't want to do any of the activities. She said she told him he has to show her, because she doesn't know he knows how.

Anyway, I was disturbed because I have never heard DS tell anyone he's so smart or anything like that. (It might actually be that he didn't actually use those words, but rather said "i already know how to do that.") Also, I'm a bit concerned because he's probably not liking not learning anything new. (Initially less concerned about that because we really didn't put him in preschool to learn academic stuff, but maybe I should be concerned? I'm hoping I don't have to pull him out of preschool. rats.)

We have conferences in a couple weeks, so I'll get more specifics from the teacher, but (1) what do you tell your kids so they don't get a big head? And (2) at what point do you pull out a kid from preschool? How much should we make him go through for the sake of learning how to cooperate in a class?

thanks!

SPG, I have no idea if this helped or was just coincidence, but we started DS playing violin when he was 5. It was very hard for him and he struggled with it, got frustrated, cried, and generally didn't like it. But we kept plugging along and now he plays well, not amazing, but well. When he started K and he would start to sound frustrated with the other kids for not learning as fast, I would say, "remember how frustrated you get playing violin because it is hard. that is how the other kids feel about learning to read." That seemed to make a lightbulb go off for him.

So I guess one approach is to find something, even just one thing, that is truly challenging for him and make sure he gets to really struggle. For DS, I think that built in some empathy.

I would also make sure that he is getting things he really likes at preschool. Even if he is bored some of the time, that really should not be his primary experience. If it is, then another preschool with a different curriculum may be your answer.

I have to laugh a little bit because I can hear my DD4 saying exactly that. Not in a mean way, just in a matter of fact way. She likes to get right to the point.

I would love to know the answer to your #1 question too. DS7 is usually pretty good about not throwing it in peoples faces, but every once in a while it comes out. He had a sleepover last night with a boy that he's been friends with since preschool. This boy is in PS 2nd grade. Well, the minute he walked in our door, DS wanted to show him long division and multiplying big numbers (356X785). His friend looked at him like he had two heads. DS quickly got the message, and they moved on to video games. I just try to remind both of my kids to not say things that might hurt someone else's feelings, there is always new things to learn, and one person can't know everything.

Thanks acs. I'm not so sure if DS cares about what the other kids are doing, and he hasn't complained about them. I think it's more of he just doesn't want to do it if he's already done it before. Also, I haven't had a chance to talk enough to the teacher to know if the projects he doesn't want to do are more craft-related or academic-related, but I assumed from her comment it was more something she was trying to teach. If it's arts and crafts - he's just never really liked to do them, and maybe he's just sick of it.

I do like the idea of giving him a challenge. He does have a sort of challenging thing right now - we're making him take swimming lessons and he's pretty apprehensive about the whole thing and has tried to avoid it for 2 years now. Not sure if that counts, but I could talk to him about struggles and other kids. Although I'm not sure that the issues are related right now, it's still a good idea.

I'm not sure if he's getting anything he likes at preschool. He has complained that they don't have regular legos and he doesn't like any of the toys (although the teacher said he liked pattern blocks - maybe he's sick of those if that's the only thing). And he really has never been a kid who likes crafts. I'm not sure if there would be another preschool that would fit (we don't have a lot of choices). Of course, I could be premature in my worries - there could be something else that we'll learn in conferences, or maybe we could donate some materials to the classroom.

Ha ha! If only airfare weren't so expensive! (You make a good point though - I remember DS playing with his cousins this summer and it seemed he had finally met his match. Too bad they live thousands of miles away!)

Yep, that's DS4!


I think our problem is not that DS says things to other kids. We have had talks in the past about how he thinks/learns differently, and he's always been pretty good about other kids. But I think his problem is with authority!

I guess he could hurt the teachers feelings, too. Teachers can get terribly offended when they can't teach gifted kids. DS7 1st grade teacher was TERRIBLE. He was only in her class for a month, but during that time she was awful to him.

DD4 has major problems with authority! I have no idea where it's coming from, either. Total opposite of DS. You should hear her with her piano teacher: "I ALREADY know how to do that!" or "I want to play a different song!". We have tried a reward system, and punishment for acting like that, but neither seem to work. All I can think about is, what will she be like at 14??

How about setting up a few playdates and see if he can make a friend? Has he mentioned any of the children? He may not find a friend on his intellectual level but he may find somebody he likes to run with, go to the playground, and do all the other things 4 year olds may like. You may want to go and volunteer/observe the classroom to see what's going on there.

I think PreK is NOT needed. If he is truly unhappy there then I don't see a reason to keep going. He is 4 after all and there will be lots of things he will have to deal with in K. Let him have another free year if you cannot make it work.

Last year when DS4 (3 at that time) didn't want to go to Montessori I let him stay home mostly because I saw the reason why he didn't want to go. I was ready to pull him out. It didn't happen at the end though. He kept switching between going and staying home and his older brother was at his class. Every time I was ready to pull him out (towards the end of oh so many months) he decided to go back.

DS hated crafts and really still does. His preschool had centers and different kids worked on different things, but, except for a few mandatory projects, most things were chosen by the kids. I remember watching other kids walk out with beautiful elaborate craft projects, but all I have from those years are a couple hand-turkeys from thanksgiving and an Easter poster we have nicknamed "the bloody bunny" --a cut-out of a cute white bunny with a red splatter at it's heart. It probably took him all of 10 seconds to "decorate" that poor ill-fated creature.

I am quite sure that DS spent most of his time on educational computer games, reading books, and playing complex imagination games with the other kids.

What made the preschool experience so wonderful for DS was that there were almost always options for the kids; they were not locked in to an activity. I think when kids are given choices, they are much less likely to have that anti-authority attitude. For DS's music practice, his teacher had him roll a multi-sided die to see how many times he had to do something. That took the teacher out of the authority position. It was the die that made the choice, not the teacher or the student.

That's brilliant! I will suggest this to DD teacher.