Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums arg...more preschool stuff

I have made up my mind (I think!) that dd will not go to preschool next year. I just don't think she will be ready and honestly I don't see the point. She will not be 3 until the end of October, so she will still be very young.

Anyhow, I was talking to my mom just now, and I told her what I was thinking. She told me "well honestly I think that the 5 day a week program at St.--- (where I was going to send her) is stupid. I think people that do enroll thier children in that program are only doing so because they work and need childcare, or because they want to be able to tell people that they can afford to send their child to St.---." Give me a break...way to generalize Mom.
She went on to say that I need to enroll dd in more organized programs and basically socialize her more than I am. I need to enroll her in preschool for the January of that school year and if not she will not be ready for preschool the following Fall and she will go on to have behaviour programs in elementary school. I shared with her my feelings about having to be ready for perschool...isn't preschool a time to be ready for kindergarten? Why do they need to be ready for preschool?

Now I am so confused. I don't want her to never be able to be without me. I don't want her to have anxiety when I leave her at kindergarten or preschool. I don't want to have regrets you know?

I never thought deciding on preschool would be such a big deal to me. Maybe I am just making into something it doesn't need to be.

Help! Does my mom have a good point?

Just my two cents here, so take this for what it's worth!

It sounds to me like you're kind of wound up right now, which is not the best state to be in when you're trying to make a decision. I suggest taking a bit of time off from the subject.

As for being "ready for preschool," well, ahem, I'm not sure what that means apart from emotional maturity and being ready to be away from mom or dad for a while. She is your wonderful little daughter, and you can have a wonderful extra year with her at home.

I most certainly do not think that a child should be "ready" in any other way for something that should basically be an extended play date with arts and crafts thrown in for fun. I said FUN. I swear, this whole "readiness" thing is getting out of hand.

Our day care provider told me that kids around here have to know an assortment of facts before they can start kindergarten, and one of them is to be able to tell teacher what the spine of a book is.

!!!

I don't think I knew that particular factoid until 4th grade, and I swear on the spine of my favorite book that my early ignorance on the subject has never harmed me.

Like I said, I think the "readiness" movement is going way too far. Sometimes I think it's all about guilt and competition. Pretty soon they'll be making us feel guilty about lack of "birth readiness" and telling us that Little Fetus must be able to sing the Ode to Joy in the womb if s/he ever expects to get into college!!! And it's all because of bad parenting if baby isn't born singing Ohhh Freuuuuuunde.....

!!!

Val

Your mom might have just been trying to help you feel better about your decision - perhaps in that moment you sounded very well decided and she was just trying to be supportive. The other comments - eh, maybe just a suggestion rather than a 'I think you're raising your child incorrectly' kind of thing. You'd be the best judge of her intentions there, but I can think of plenty of times when I've made a suggestion and it's come out as 'the only way to do this'.
As for readiness to be away, it varies from child to child of course, again you and your dd need to be the judges:
What does your dd say about it? does she crave to be in school? Or if/when you mention it does she sound pretty lukewarm? I never thought my ds would have much say in what/when we did things when he was little, but boy when he just absolutely refuses to do something, well it's usually a good sign to back off. I am assuming she's fairly verbal already or you might not be considering sending her..?
Is there any way to try things out either at the school before committing big, or maybe have a few drop off playdates at a friends house?

***Spine of a book????? You know I think you could go your whole life without knowing that and still be ok. Sheesh! Who thinks up this stuff?

LOL! I agree 100%. This is one of my soapbox issues. Guilt and competition, for sure!

Prepping 2-3yos for pre-K just seems insane. Kids learn best at that age--at most ages! But definitely at that age--by playing.

I think all these silly things kids are "supposed" to know before K, like that spine of the book nonsense, is just a hoop to try to get parents to jump through and a racket aimed at getting more kids in preschools.

IM(not so)HO...

I think I felt like you do now. I had a very clingy little one. What helped me was going to early childhood family education (ECFE) classes - in our area they have a time where the parents leave the room for a bit. This was DS's intro to being left by mom (of course he hated it at first). I couldn't wait for this class for at least 20 minutes of freedom! I made several friends in these groups and DS got to know a lot of kids his age. When the preschool decision came around, there were 2 kids from DS's ECFE classes going to the same preschool. This helped. Our ECFE classes were also age-based differently than our schools, so DS met kids that would be in a class ahead of him too.

I agree with chris - your mom just might be trying to help with her comments. I know my mom told me several times that I needed more me time.

As for preschool readiness - I don't think there's any such thing. Around here, preschool is seen as getting the kids used to being around other kids and paying attention to a teacher. Most people I know do 2 years, but many families do 1 year or no preschool. If you really have your heart set on a school when your DD gets older, you can call the kindergarten admin and ask what they expect and how many kids have preschool experience.

For me, preschool readiness was basically mom is sooooo ready for a bit of alone time. My DS started at 3 with a january birthday. He had a couple girls in the class who turned 3 after preschool started. One was very small, and she has a pretty quiet personality, and she did fine (she and DS have always been buds because neither of them chooses to participate in the songs.)

We lucked out with the preschool choice though - we had a reference from a mom of HG kid who liked it there, and also we had no choice as to pt vs ft - there's only pt in our small city.

I think most kids only learn about the spine of a book when they (accidentally?) break one. The librarian is sure to tell you about it then...

My experience: During the year that DD was 1, we were in Canada and they had these free drop-in centers for children 0-5, with a caregiver. DD had just turned 1 and as we started, there was a lot of interaction of me and her. They had different stations, like they do in a preschool. Play-doh, library, paints, puzzles, gym stuff, legos, sand table. And at 10:00 am, they had a circle time. By the end of the year, I was more talking with other moms and watching and intervening when sharing issue or boo-boo came up. So when we moved back to NYC, I enrolled her in a 5 day a week play-preschool. She was in a 2s class and separation took about a week for her, about a month for me. But she loved it. DD is highly social and likes interactive play. She liked the schedule and having friends she could count on seeing every day. When she turned 3, she went to a Montessori, where she is now. 5 days a week, 9-3:30. It is great for me. But she really likes going. And the school works for her and her curiousity. And she has a BFF, though I try and push playdates with others.

The separation was really hard for me. But it was the best decision for DD. I needed the time and she needed the interaction. Maybe because I was always around the first two years, but she is very independent and never shows separation problems now. She skips to school and is very excited to see her friends and join in. But it is her personality.

Good luck.

Ren

Re: spine of the book--

True story--Frenchy once got a job with a public utility because he knew what a milliner is! (All the applicants had to pass a general knowledge test, with no errors; this was one of the questions.) Oddly enough, hatmaking never came up in the course of his employment..........(!)

minnie

Thank you for the replies. I have taken some time off of thinking about the dreaded preschool decision and I feel much better about the whole situation now. I have decided to not do anything and not worry about it until the new year. My gut reaction is to not send her in the fall...but even as I type this I have doubts, so I am going to stop! I am not going to bother deciding until the new year

Thank you again!

Sometimes the "Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow" approach is the very best choice. I support you there!

Hang in there, and don't torture yourself with it. There's plenty of time to make the decision. Enjoy your holidays instead!