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Hello board. I am a new member and posted in another thread and a member suggested I start a new post.

I have just recently come across the gifted toddler information and really appreciate this site. We always knew the our 2 year old was special but I did not know there was a term to describe her until this past week. She was a C-section baby and our doctor was blown away by her entrance into the world. She lifted her own head to come out and he had been in the busy for a long time but never saw that before. She always had strong neck muscles and eye contact and never wanted to be treated like a baby. Always wanted to sit up in your arms. We noticed at an early age that she is a perfectionist. She could take steps before she was 12 months old but would not do it until she was sure she could walk on her own without falling. She used a spoon and scribbled around 6 months and was able to write circles and lines before she was 1. She now (at 26 months) draws voluminous creatures and is adding facial features.

Her first word was 5 days shy of her 3 month birthday and it was Elephant. She was talking in complete sentences by 6 months and used proper grammar since the start. Before her 2nd b-day she knew all her colors and even understood primary and secondary colors and how they mixed. She knew all her ABCs and the sounds they make. And has talked in complicated 10+ sentences forever.

She knows her shapes and understands her left from her right. She can recite books back to you and sings complete songs. She was able to count at a very early age (before she was 1) She knows her opposites and even understands the concept of gravity. She is also an extremely bossy kiddo. I am sure I am leaving something out but this is off the top of my head. And 2 weeks before her 2nd birthday she started reading. She is now 26 months and taught herself addition and subtraction the other day.


So that is a little background... now for the questions. How do you deal with the friends? As a parent it is only natural to want to brag about your children, but I have a friend that has a child 2 1/2 months younger than mine and I am so oversensitive to her needs that I find myself not sharing anything with her and even explaining things away when she witnesses it first hand. In fact her child has been behind in fine, gross and verbal skills and I still suspect a form of autism so we are dealing with the spectrum here. So I understand not wanting to be reminded of some other child's advancements but she always downplays any information. In conversation one day I mentioned that the DD was reading and she informed me that was the simple things and fairly normal. Sure but before 2? I just get so frustrated. Why do we feel like we have to hid it and I am getting to the point that I find myself angry with her because it isn't 'normal'.

Then we start hitting the internet trying to find some term to qualify what we see in our children. So last week I came across the gifted toddler and had a huge sigh of relief. I am not alone out here and as I read it, realize my child not only fits in to this but could be the poster child with how well she matches up.

As for testing I just started wrapping my head around the gifted concept and am curious about testing but don't know how to go about it and when one should do it. Any suggestions for newbies and any advise from the experienced? (how you planned etc)

I always suggest that you test when you have a reason to, when you have questions to answer or a program to try to get into. Do you doubt that your DD is GT? No, I don't think so. In fact, I'd bet you're pretty sure that she's HG+. Does it matter right now whether she's HG, EG or PG? I'm betting no. So unless there's some program you're trying to get her into that requires an IQ score, why test right now? Save the money for later testing, when she's older.

If it helps, you're way ahead of the curve. I was in GT denial for years, thinking that DS7 was "just" MG and therefore would have no trouble with fitting in at school...right up until he stopped fitting in at school in 1st grade. Only then did I realize that my whole frame of reference was off by 1-2 standard deviations, and that he's HG+. Oops!

As for friendships that just don't work easily anymore:

You really have four choices: talk about your DD and ignore your friend's reaction (not real friendship), stop talking about kids with her (not a complete friendship), stop being friends (not friendship at all), or talk to her honestly about the issue and try to work out a space for both of your feelings.

You have to decide if this is a relationship that can weather the storm of an HG+ child or not. The fact is, in the not-too-distant future, you will probably have more in common with the parents of autistic kids than you will with parents of ND kids. Both of your kids are going to need an education that looks somewhat different than the norm. Both of you are going to have to spend more time and energy on educating your children than the average parent does.

If you can each put yourselves in the shoes of the other and listen with kindness and sympathy, you can make it work. But the fact is, not many people can do this with the parents of HG+ kids. It's hard for them to understand. It's hard for them to feel like they're not competing, that you're not competing! Talking about it matter-of-factly helps. Remember, your child is GT like she has brown eyes or blonde hair: it's part of the factory-installed package. And, if I'm being honest, not talking about it very much helps. Most of us talk to the parents of other GT kids. And sadly, there are sometimes even problems with parents of GT kids at different levels. Competitiveness runs deep in human beings...

Do check yourself to be sure that you don't sound like you're bragging. Even if you don't mean to brag, it can sound like you are.

Know what's normal for a child your DD's age and avoid talking about things she does that are way outside the norm. I ran into that problem a time or two when DS7 was young. For example, he read the letter B on a wood block in a Kindermusik class at 12 mos. I just quietly acknowledged that it was indeed a B to my son. I didn't brag, I wasn't talking to anyone but my son, and I even lowered my voice so others wouldn't hear. But someone did hear, and the whole class--including the teacher!--started announcing that he had NOT just said B at age 1! The looks on their faces were downright angry with me! Well, DS was obsessed with letter and he did read B every day for hours a day, so I knew very well that he had read it. I felt like I had to defend myself, but I really didn't want to! It was awkward position to be in, to say the least! But ultimately, you know the truth, whether others do or not. Just get out of it as gracefully as you can and move on.

It ain't easy! Look for kindred spirits. The fact is that some friendships will work and some won't. Even some longtime friendships wither in the face of GT kids. It's just the way it goes, I'm afraid. Do what you can, what you're willing to do, to preserve them if they are important to you. But realize that it's pretty normal to have to find some new friends.

Howdy, sorry to hear about your friend finding it hard to understand where your dd is coming from. No, of course, reading before 2 is totally not normal. Maybe you're downplaying too much!

Your daughter sounds like a delight and a handful; we are not in pg territory with our kiddoes but they are still sort of a puzzle to others. One of the funnier things we ran into from other folks was getting various 'diagnoses' from them as to ds 'problem'. Maybe this is more common with high-energy boys than girls, but it was pretty amazing to hear the first few times, though I say 'funny' now.
Good luck to you and welcome!

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. What you address about bragging I ponder over all the time. But as most parents of G+ kids have to know it is so hard not to have a swell of the heart when their child does something so amazing and completely out of the norm and your first reaction is to want to share, but because society overall does not want to hear and rather dismiss it and roll their eyes it just makes it hard! But I have purposely held back and passed information on to my friend(when I do) as matter of fact and definitely not boosting at least I certainly hope so because I try so hard not to brag. I completely agree with you on the similarities of autistic kids and gifted kids. I also understand that my DD is also a constant reminder to her of the problems she faces with her DD and I want to be there for her when she needs the support. She was talking the other day in third person about no parent wanting the child classified as a special needs kid which in all fairness, unless your child is 'normal' than we all will have to deal with the classification on both ends of the spectrum.

Have you got the ADHD and/or autism diagnoses? Plugging in the search string brought up that my DD could possibly have autism which took my breath away. You know sometimes I think the parents should pass out handouts to those that try to diagnose with the characteristics of gifted children and highlight the ones that send people down the wrong path.

Hi Katelyn's mom,

Welcome. Based on your descriptions it sounds like you may have a child that is very intelligent, even by most GT standards.

It sounds like it probably is a good idea, not to talk "baby shop" with your friend. But I remember when my life revolved around Rolie Polie Olie and diapers. It's just not possible to abstain with a friend you share a lot of time with.

If you haven't already noticed, you don't run into other children her age who are doing the same things. I think over the past year I've read lots of posters tell that someone told them their baby couldn't possibly............

IMO, a child who reads before 2 is actually a good reason for IQ testing. Might be a good idea to find out what you are dealing with.

General thoughts are a child should be five. But based on your descriptions of what your child is doing by two, you may even get very good results at four.

If you can find other moms that you can share baby stuff like this with that see it as matter of fact rather than overestimating braggy mommy that would be a good thing.

If you or DH are in Mensa, or would qualify, that might be a fun social outlet where you could let your hair down a little more. Your baby is your pride and joy! All parents brag a little about their babies! You should be able to a little......

Feel free to brag here, too!

Hi Katelyn'sMom,
Welcome - so glad to give you a word for what you are seeing. I remember when my son was in his baby/toddler change that my friendships were very fluid. I made more IRL friends than I ever had, because as new-moms I had more in common with more women than I had ever had.

Then we got past the poop-is-a-fasinating topic of conversation stage and things changed again. Someone sent me an email that said 'Some friends are for-a-season and some are for-a-reason.' That seemed to fit.

Remember when you were a new mom, and people who used to seem interesting suddenly didn't seem so interesting? Sounds to me like you are entering a new phase - and may need to leave behind some old friendship -

Hey, the great thing about friendships, is that, unlike your child or partner, you can dump them when it isn't working!

Grinity

Thanks, Grin! You said that much better than I did, though that was the heart of what I was trying to say.

And yes, we love proud parenting moments here. Bring it on! Brag like mad. We think of them as "our" kids, so your brags are ours, too.

That's right! Katelyn's mom.....bring on the brag!!!!!!!!!!

Then after awhile you will realize you *aren't* bragging, you are just *talking*