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Hi Fostcry -
Cooper sounds very sweet. I do have some thoughts!
1) Check out Deb Ruf's book and do some "home assesment" first. There are gifted kids who don't show up from her perspective, but if Cooper does fit - well then you know that -
2) any testing you have done should be done by someone with lots and lots of experience with gifted kids.

My son was also a "perfect" student at every placement all along the way - for exactly 4 weeks. After he had absorbed all the new information, we got to see what was really going on!

I think one of the key things is to talk to Cooper about how it is in school. OTOH, It took my son years to have enough insight into himself to look back at kindergarden and say, "Mom, I finally figured out what was going on in kindergarden - I was bored out of my skull!" He couldn't have told me anything more than - I hate it, I want to be with you.

Cooper may be enjoying "studying" the other children from a distance. I would still pull him, because I don't want to encourage this kind of relationship with other people. Did I mention to please get him out of there, if only for a month or two until things get sorted out.

Some of the mom's here have been successful getting the kids placed with older kids. If there is a Montessori style preschool that will use mixed age classrooms that might work.

As to the question of "maturity." I've been asking around, and the scientists doen't use that word in their work at all. Even Susan Assoline of the "Iowa Acceleration Scale Manual" fame (another great book to buy - an investment!) says she didn't put "maturity" into the scale because it's not measurable and doesn't seem to matter.

I would guess that your Cooper isn't immature for his age, although he may be less mature than his intellect-age. Here's why - Imagine yourself in a strange environment, that is too loud and too busy and makes no sense. There are kids around, but you are unable to make contact with them, they seem to have something wrong with them, or you, you aren't sure. Wouldn't you cling to whatever adult you could find? At least they can talk! See where I'm heading with this?

Best wishes -
Trinity

Hi
Thanks for the reply. Right now we are so confused. We want to do whats best. We have an appoint with his dr. We feel this is a good place to start. His teacher does not agree! His doctor also recommended the montessori school also. We will also check out the book you recommened. I am sure we will have alot of questions, I hope that is okay?
thanks

frostcry -
Where does the teacher want you to start?
When you say "his dr." do you mean the pediatrician?
We are here. We will answer all the questions we can. There is about 100 years of parenting gifted children on this forum, so Ask Away!

Trinity

HI
The teacher wants him to test with child outreach/ early intervention. She said the pediatrician only see's him for a few min. at a time. She also suggests that Cooper adds another day of school. We were not going to send him to preschool at 3 but he wanted to go. He was 2 1/2 and asked if he could go to school, I told him he has to learn to do " Potty" first, I thought this was a good answer as he had no interest in this. But as usual Cooper amazed us all by using the potty that night and was completely trained in a few days. He was so happy he could go to school. I think I am afraid of the testing.
Do not get me wrong, if there is something that early intervention testing shows we would certainly make sure he has what he needs. We just want to do what is right for Cooper. He is such a unique young man.
When My niece and I over to Korea to bring him home, his foster mom told my neice that Cooper was so excited and anxious to meet her he did not sleep all night. We all laughed, thinking that she was joking as he was not yet 4 months old. There has been many times since then that has proven she knew what she was talking about.
I think I am most afraid of the testing , he just turned 4 in Feb. I do not want him " Labeled " . I do not know if Cooper is gifted or not, but I do know that he is not like many other kids. We do feel that the teachers do not know what to do with him because he is not like the other kids.
Thanks

Post deleted by Mark Dlugosz

Hi Frostcry.
I wanted to chime in as an Occupational Therapist about the teacher wanting Cooper tested by Early Intervention services. I would AVOID this as the team who would do that testing is trained to find pathology in young children. Technically EI services are only until the age of 3 anyway. So you'd be looking at testing through the public school system. I would strongly encourage any testing be done privately FIRST, by the psychologist of the parents' choice, who specializes in assessing gifted children.

While Cooper might in fact have some issues that could be addressed to help his overall function and social skills, there may actually be nothing "wrong" with him at all - he is just gifted and perhaps profoundly so. He needs to be assessed by people who truly understand gifted children. And you are not likely to find that in the public school system or EI system of testing. In my opinion, anyway!

Hi
Thanks for the input.
It would be testing with the public school child outreach ( I believe that is what it is called now ). For some reason I am afraid of the testing. I do not think there is anything " wrong " with him. I think this is just the beginning of a long school experience where they do not know what or how to work with him, because he is not usual. We as a family want to do and give him everything he needs toi keep him healthy, happy. Now his sister is just as intelligent if not more so but she does not have the same emotional issues. She is not shy or moody.
Thanks for the info and comments. Right now We are trying to gather any and all info to try to make the best dhoices.

I would have a lot of concerns about having a child tested simply because he doesn't like interacting with kids his own age. How does he respond with older children? My son is only 16 months, but hasn't been around age mates since he was 8 months old. Anytime the class (he is in daycare) it within 3 - 6 months of his biological age - things go down hill quickly. When he is placed in a setting with children 6 - 12 months older than he is - he thrives. My son was almost labeled as "agressive" until he was moved to the higher age classes, now he is simply an active toddler who participates fully in Spanish class, music class, art and story time. These are activities average 12 - 18 month olds don't necessarily thrive in. However, if we had left him with age mates I'm sure we would have been referred to a psychologist due to his "emotional issues".

I would suggest Cooper experience different environments first and see if his behavior is consistent. Only then would I even consider independent testing.

I definitely agree with independent testing as well. I have a niece whose teacher tried to identify her as ADD/ADHD and she was referred to the school psychiatrist. My sister had her privately evaluated an the Dr. said she was simply bored in class - she was very bright and the work was simply below her cognitive ability. The teacher was actually upset my niece wasn't put on medication - she had 100% success with gettign kids identified as ADD/ADHD when testing was done through the school.

Hi frostcry -

you say:
For some reason I am afraid of the testing. I do not think there is anything " wrong " with him. I think this is just the beginning of a long school experience where they do not know what or how to work with him, because he is not usual. We as a family want to do and give him everything he needs toi keep him healthy, happy.

I say - I followed the school reccomendations at it was exactly as you fear, and that kind of thing goes on the kid's "permanent record" - the paper one and the one in the minds of the parents and the teachers.

It doesn't help and it is likely to hurt. Debbie has been inside the system - listen to her.

I also think that sbtmom makes some very good points. An easy thing to do is set up a playdate with some older kids and observe. If you go for testing, be very sure it is with someone who is highly familiar with testing gifted kids.

Best Wishes,
Trin

Hi
We are not doing any testing until we meet with his pediatrician, which is in 2 weeks. My niece made an appointment with him to get his views. We do trust him, he is young with small kids of his own.
Cooper does do play dates, most of the time he does play on his own but it never seemed unusual. He went to gym classes & after a couple of classes he was excited to go . He also takes Tae kwon do , 3 days a week, he does great but the classes are alway's different. He interacts with his sister fine. They play well together. He rarely plays with toys. He does like books and the computer.
I do want to say that I feel so much better after reading all the post and articles.
Thanks all