Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Need advice: parent co-op problem (long)

well, that's a different kettle of fish. But i guess i will stick by my 1st answer, i.e., if your DS is getting something out of the "class" and enjoying it, can't hurt too much?

Although it's got to be irritating the heck out of you!

As you always say, go with your gut.

Indeed. The trouble is that my gut and DS7's gut are saying different things...

*sigh*

FWIW - leave the classroom altogether. You son is enjoying it.
Stay outside and read a book or something.
We tend to see our kids differently than others do, and that is OK. Because of that I beleive that it is easier sometimes not to see. What bothers us might not bother our kids, as is your case.

what is her background? Why is SHE the parent chosen to teach this particular co-op homeschool math class? Perhaps someone else could give it a go the next time round...

I'll have to discuss that possibility with her. She said she wants me there. In fact, my presence (as much as possible, given the circumstances) was initially one requirement for his being in the class. The goal was for me to keep an eye on how he was doing so I could pull him out if he became a problem. He's not a problem (not if you ignore him completely!), but she made it pretty clear that she thinks I should be in the room.

My thought was that I would be in the room, but wouldn't speak for him. I can help him understand, but he's on his own in terms of participating.

Good question. She volunteered. It's the nature of homeschooling, I'm afraid. Some co-ops are a lifesaver with great people, and some just aren't good fits.

My fear is that this one just isn't a good fit.

Good advice, Ania. It's hard to know when to do that! I've had a situation where I ignored by gut because I thought it better for the same reasons you're putting out there. When it worked it was awesome, the best thing I could've done.
The few times it didn't, it was an absolute disaster.


I totally saw that coming a mile away friend.

Perhaps it's an intellectual mismatch for him. Give you an example:

We were at the science museum watching an on floor demonstration. The "scientist" was demonstrating sound vibration. She had a big copper bowl with water. She would rub her fingertip around the rim of the bowl and you could hear the tone as well as see the sound vibration via water rippling. Pretty neat. She asked if anyone could explain what was happening. Youngest DD who was 5 raised her hand. She not so subtly looked around for an older person to answer(!) no one else had their hand up so she called on her. DD walked up and said: "Like my violin." The lady dismissed her and I said, Hold on, Honey, what about your violin. "you know, the strings, that's what they do when they make the sound". Pretty good for 5, yes? The demonstrator still didn't catch on to where we were going. I said: "What else? (you could tell she trying to get something else out). She pointed to the lady's finger, which she had dipped in the water before she rubbed the rim. "Like the rosin". Now the presenter was going to dismiss DD immediately because she didn't understand how "my violin" was actually a right answer. If I had not stepped in she would have thought she was wrong and knowing her probably would have felt bad.

I think at this age it's important to protect their confidence in their thought process, especially if it's creative.

I found out later the "scientist" was a hired improv actor..........

If I remember correctly, your DS was very good in the past with verbalizing to you when something wasn't working. I think it's important to take him seriously both when he's telling you something's wrong and also when he tells you something's fine. If it were me and it were a low risk situation I would trust his gut over mine. If he decides he was wrong, you can take him out later.

DS6 doesn't do any academic classes through our co-op. One of the leaders was very specific that she doesn't believe that GT kids exist (she's a former public school teacher). There are plenty of non-academic classes offered for him to get the fun, class experience without the stress of yet again being told that there's something wrong with him.

I've been in many situations where my kids said everything was fine, only to find out later, there were things going on that weren't ideal and they were bothered.

I give my kids a lot of lee way as well, and perhaps this isn't a situation where Kriston should pull her son, but at this age group the parents really have to be making these decisions. No matter how smart the children are, they don't have the life experience to always make the right call.

It's like asking a 3 year old why they did something they weren't suppposed to. They don't know WHY they did it, the just did it!

I think I'm with you, 'Neato. I just got off the phone with DH, and our ultimate problem is that she has made it clear in every possible way that she wants him out of the class...with the exception of actually saying, "I want him out," of course. That's a no-win situation there...

Add to that the fact that there are no pros at all in the column for this class, only cons, except, of course, that DS7 says he likes it. My analysis of his liking the class: I think he likes doing the living math stuff, and we can do that at home in a manner that works better for him. This class isn't necessary for that.

Honestly, the big reason I wanted him in the co-op is the social stuff, and now I fear the social is going to be bad social. After all, if the adult treats him as invisible, how will the kids treat him? So the social risk is very high. These are kids he's going to be spending time with for years if we keep homeschooling (as it looks like we will), and though they're nice kids, if they see an adult treating him so disrespectfully, then I fear they'll follow her lead. Not good.

Ultimately, it's a whole lot of inconvenience and potential bad stuff--educationally and socially--just so that he can play with pattern blocks. The risk/reward ratio makes it pretty clear to me that it's not sensible to stay.

Add to that the fact that this woman's kids are in JFLL with us, and I just think too much can go wrong in that relationship for us to stay. We can leave gracefully now. We might not be able to get out later without burning bridges.

I think ultimately what did it for me was "follow your gut" and realizing that she's not actually doing any teaching. It's just not a good class, and I don't feel good about having him in there.

I think you're right that I have to go back to my "No academic co-ops" rule, M&M. I was going against my instinct here, and I think it was wishful thinking. I hoped that since her kids are GT, too, she'd be more open and aware. But it didn't happen. Live and learn...

You saw it coming, huh, 'Neato? Why didn't you stop me!?! It's your job to save me from myself!