Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy When you tell people what grade your child is in..

DS6 is very proud of his one year skip. Last year he explained it as "I am supposed to be in kindergarten but I'm in first grade and do third grade reading and fourth grade math. I'm super good at school."

We are working on humility with that one.

It helps to have a giant kid. He says grade mostly. But he takes many classes even higher. In the subject acellerations nobody knows his grade/age until like there is a grade level field trip, assembly or testing, or something and he is missing and the rest of the class finds out that way. But I don't think it surprises them because he usually does exceptionally well in class in half the time so they know he is out there. Sometimes I think the surprise is I didn't know he was that young because he is so tall.

I recall fielding all those rude remarks when we entered DS10 early at the time. Yes, people immediately get defensive and feel a need to lash out at you to put you or your child down. I used to say we followed the recommendation by both his preschool and grade school teachers (always put it on the experts!) and if people wouldn't leave it alone, entered in a spirited discussion on how age grouping needed to be more flexible for both kids who needed to move on and kids who needed more time, because every child is different and has different needs blah blah blah...it seemed to help ending these potentially contentious conversations on a positive note.
It was such a relief to leave the closet entirely when DS10 was in fourth grade and everyone and their dog would ask where the fourth graders were going to to go for secondary school in fifth grade. The only gifted program in town is an hour away from where we live and across the state line and literally every other option would be closer, so whenever I named the school people who knew DS10 immediately twigged that we were looking at the gifted program there. Now, when people frown In confusion as to why we make DS10 commute there, I have to explain there was a special program he wanted, and name it if people keep asking. Using the g word. Without cringing and apologizing. Now DD6 will go into third grade in fall and again, now that it's official I just say so, though I do say her teacher insisted if people press for more (I still put it on the experts!)
I and my parents got it all and much worse when I skipped a grade. It's really getting better.
Having a child with a severe disability for a third really helps developing a thick skin. This is who we are, outliers in every respect. My children do not like it, but they will have to develop the thick skin as well because there is absolutely no hiding or pretending for any of them that we are a normal family (the wheelchair tends to tip people off, LOL!)

Fortunately DS is tall enough and outgoing enough that most people who casually ask his grade don't realize that he is grade skipped.

I actually get MORE problems in public with people who ask my DD what grade she's in. She DIDN'T skip a grade, but is SUPER SHORT for her age. Most people just assume she's about 2 years younger than she really is.

Our biggest issues were in talking to the school and various school people about grade-skipping beforehand. Even the school secretary tried to tell me skipping a grade was a terrible idea. And one of DS's 2 first grade-teachers (they were team teaching) ambushed me with a "check in meeting" early in the year, with the school counselor in tow, in which she tried to convince me that I was ruining his life. The teacher was a jerk all year, but the school counselor never dared enter that fray again. The OTHER teacher of the pair was really excellent.

He's lucky he's a 2nd child. I was a lot more worried about other people's opinions when my daughter was young. In most situations I brush other people's commentary off and move on.

Skipping one grade was not an issue--nobody really noticed. But once my son had skipped two grades, there were definitely uncomfortable reactions with people who knew how old he was, especially those who had kids the same age.

In the interest of full disclosure, we found that even with a two grade skip, the cognitive challenge was not enough--it was all about executive functioning. We decided to undo the skips, and he is now attending high school with his age-grade peers and is happy socially. But he tells me that what is being taught in his classes is "meaningless"and that all writing assignments are exercises in how well one can "BS." I've given up on trying to get him placed correctly because the only options include gobs of busywork. He refuses to do dual enrollment at the community college (which probably wouldn't be a good fit anyway) or early entrance at the state university.

It's only really people with kids the same age who have been offended by DS. That nasty first grade teacher of his--also had a 1st grade son (in fact, her kid was in DS's class in 2nd grade so we still get to see that teacher from now until graduation... yay...). Only he's a year older than my DS. Putting him in her class was a mistake from day 1.

If not for executive function, I would have my DD skipped a grade or 2 in a heartbeat. She's very very 2E, though. But people already assume she's maybe in 4th, when she's in 6th. Would it really be much worse to actually be in 7th or 8th? *shrug* We're doing math online this year and if I can find a class, also composition. If I can't find a good online class this year, maybe english 101 at the community college next year.

For some reason we almost always get asked both questions (one as a follow-up), ala:
"Sixteen... so you'll be a junior this year?"
-or-
"You just graduated, so you're eighteen?"

Our official tactic with DD has always been: don't announce it, but you don't have hide your accelerations either. If people would only ask one of the two questions, we'd have avoided many an awkward conversation/commentary. But, typically, we get one question, answer it, get the next, pause...awkward smile...pause, then answer it while bracing for the judgement.

Sometimes the age/grade outing comes at us sideways, like the following, which is more amusing than annoying because of the circuitous route that brought us unexpectedly to the reveal. DD16 was talking with the father of a fencer in her foil class. Many Canadian universities have fencing teams, so the discussion of DD's college search touched on Canada. DD said we briefly looked into some of the fencing schools up there, but decided the custodian rules would be a hassle.

"What custodian rules?"

"Um, the ones that say I would have needed to arrange for an official custodian, or have one of my parents move to Canada, since I'm still 16..."

Best of luck,
-S.F.