Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Bad fit or needs help?

Hi Indigo,
Thanks for your comment. You're right and yes I've brought this up at different stages. He explains why he's unhappy where he is - issues that have to do with the program but I'm not clear that it's just that or if it is really even that and not emotional issues that he can't articulate. But it does come down to how to move forward.

If he does need help then I should/have to see a counselor myself to figure out how to help him.

If he is miserable and just wasting his time (and his teachers) I should probably pull him.

When he tells you of issues with the program, do you make a list and brainstorm with him about...
- what could be changed,
- how things might change to be an improvement for him (and possibly others as well),
- ONE change that might make circumstances tolerable,
- reality check on how things work, why they work that way,
- etc?

It might help him to know that you hear him, that you are in his corner, and that you want him to be part of the solution so that the solution works for him.

Would the above steps prepare you to advocate at the school for any change(s)?

Indigo - thanks for your, as usual, thoughtful and wonderful ideas. I really appreciate all the support.

We have hashed out the details (many many times) of what's not working with me chiming in when it is just the way things are.

Lately he has been frustrated with not getting support on things he's confused about (he missed a few weeks). He says that when he asks they tell him to "just do it". I think their aim is that kids should have a good idea of how things work by now and I imagine they're trying to create a level of independence. That has him just backing away and not caring (or trying not to care). The tricky part comes when he doesn't want me to interfere. I imagine if I nudge the teachers to give him more support they'll approach him and ask him if he understands and he'll just say yes. But that's where it is right now.

I am planning on getting in touch with the teachers to ask what they're seeing on their end. He is pulling out attitude to cover up being miserable - or maybe it naturally flows from being miserable. Not helpful and doesn't lead to empathetic teacher responses.

I'm thinking the program is designed for strong learners (which he is) that are confident extroverts (which he is not - yet).

Good idea Howdy. It might come to that.

There is no such thing as a dumb question. Possibly the teachers need to be reminded of that.

I think it is great that you plan to ask the teachers what they see on their end. Possibly that will give you the opportunity to ask specifically about any time your son may have asked a question and received a reply which may have sounded something like just do it.

"If your teacher isn't able or willing to help, how can you get your questions answered?"

Are you willing to bring your homework home?
Do you want a tutor?
Do you want help finding lectures?
Do you think anyone at the university could explain this better?

My son is a top-down learner. Middle school level texts make no sense to him. However, if I give him a college level textbook or lecture FIRST, then he sees how the incomplete/simplified information fits into the complete picture. When my son doesn't understand, what he means is that he wants the big, complicated, college-level picture. When your son's teachers say "just do it", they might be saying that he knows enough to answer the questions and maybe that they aren't able to explain at the depth your son really NEEDS in order to comprehend it fully.

Just a guess??

These are great ideas, sanne!

tillamook, has your son ever shared an observation that the teachers just do not seem to know more about a topic or how to explain it? I've seen that a bit and believe it may be rather commonly experienced among gifted kids. It just never occurred to me in this series of threads.

Indigo - I have sent them emails asking what they're seeing on their end and suggesting that he needs more support as he is confused about some assignments. I haven't heard back yet.
Again, I think they're trying to foster independence - which I get - but it's causing stress so I hope they can adjust their strategy for his needs.

I actually don't see incidences of this. Though he has commented that they do something for five minutes and then spend classes analyzing and writing about it. He feels it's a make work situation because they're very busy.

Yes, that sounds to me like a make-work situation; very little learning of new material and very much keeping busy. Keeping kids busy is not the same as keeping them engaged.