Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy For BTDT: Anyone decide not to accelerate?

Been there, done that, currently doing it, sort of.
Disclaimer: I am not in the US, so navigating a rather different school system, but it has been my experience that the needs of gifted kids and the inability of educators to recognize and meet them are pretty much the same the (Western) world over. YMMV.

DS10, probably PG, currently a fifth grader, has been what one might call mildly accelerated. He was born just after the cutoff and was entered early into elementary school after a tolerable, but not terrific time in the local preschool. His preschool teachers were kind and accepting and he was never a total outcast, but no one really "got" him either, and he did not really have friends.

We decided against the local public elementary and enrolled him in a catholic school which stressed both community and rigour and happens to draw from a high SES demographic and it has sort of worked alright without further acceleration. He was the youngest in his grade though not by much, since there did not happen to be redshirted kids in his class. Socially, it worked alright, not really popular, but not an outcast and he did have friends, though I did a lot of behind the scenes work arranging play dates! It was never smooth sailing. Academically, by third grade the mismatch became rather glaring, he had meltdowns in the mornings because of the slow pace and the amount of repetition and a further grade skip was mooted (and discussed on this forum) but we decided against it.

The most important con in our case was that HE decided he didn't want to - he had worked hard making friends and didn't want to lose them before he had to, ie before having to transition to middle school where kids from his elementary tend to disperse all over town again,
For us the main reason against it was that he would have been an 8 yo in middle school (starting in fifth grade) and the one school with a gifted program is on the other side of town and huge. He simply wouldn't have been ready to cope with the EF requirements, he is having a hard time now as it is (we have been told he easily qualifies for an ADHD diagnosis if we wanted or needed it, but it hasn't been necessary or helpful so far). Also, he never liked being the youngest and enjoys that in the gifted classroom, with so many accelerated kids, he is smack bang in the middle if the age group. I feel that the maturity gained in four years of elementary helps him navigate the social minefield of middle school now. He enjoys doing grade based academic competitions and is proud of no how well he is doing.

However.
He did have to suck it up in fourth grade - even though the standards in that elementary are truly and certifiably high and he did improve in writing and LA and the benefit is noticeable in comparison to his classmates now (a number of which have skipped fourth in order to directly enter into the gifted program) and he did enjoy a lot of last year lets do fun stuff before you all leave, he was still bored out of his mind most of the time. And he did mention how glad he was to be finally done with elementary school and how much better he likes it now in the gifted classroom. I did not realize quite how unhappy he was - well I did, he actually had to go to therapy for suicidal ideation, but I did not think it had to do so much with the school - still do not know now, to be honest, but I think it is easy to overlook just how much harm not acceleration can potentially do, even if it looks like the least worst option at the time.

I'd also like to point out that while it is true that one ought to plan for a year at a time and try not to stress about potential problems down the road, I believe it is crucial to research what options there are AFTER elementary school for your giftie and how the skip can affect those options. In our case, I feel that not accelerating further has set DS10 up to be successful in gifted track middle school, but it appears to have been a narrower escape than I thought.

On to DD6, who is an even murkier case.

DD6 has a birthday just before the cutoff, so was entered at the regular age. Still young for grade and the youngest in her classroom. She is not as "pointy" as DS10, socially more astute and not quite as anxious, but still rather reserved and rigid compared to her age group.
In her case, the school was forced, due to a sudden teacher shortage, to enter a number of first graders into the two second grade classrooms, so she is part of a group of five first graders (three of which, all girls, happen to be redshirted) in a classroom with 24 second graders.
The teacher came up with the grade skip first, and I am again the one who balked. Probably projecting my own traumatizing experience with a grade skip that was, academically, a bill, and socially an unmitigated disaster.

Right now, DD6 is part of this cozy little quartet of first grade girls, and getting more confident in the classroom, and I'd hate to disturb this - but the teacher tells me that with the exception of writing, she could work right along the second graders right now, but is seeing issues with task initiation and completion! Sloppy work and inability to hand I completed work, which I actually think is rather a reason to skip than not, but oh for that crystal ball! The teacher has already started giving her and another girl second grade work, and I have begged her to please do it unobtrusively and to keep sending her to pullout a with the other first graders, at least until the end of the year.

The teacher wants to continue with the split grade classroom next year, so the situation could in theory remain unresolved for a while longer, but does not know whether this will work out, depending on stuff which is out of her hands, like the staff situation next year and what the principal, who is new this year, will decide to do.

If it boils down to a choice between going on into third grade or putting her into a regular second grade classroom come September, we will probably bite the bullet and put her in third.

so, middle school implications? DD6 would be a just turned 9 yo fifth grader. She has expressed a wish to continue at the public college prep school her father teaches at which is right next door to her elementary, and with the acceleration it might work. Alternatively, she follow her brother to the gifted program across towns which would not be as much of a step as it was for him, since we will have moved closer to the school by that time. I do believe it is somewhat easier for a girl than for a boy to rather younger.

Got this from the DYS newsletter - sharing here for the benefit of all:-

pro skip report

This is significant, as in Illinois, gifted programs are not mandated and no gifted funding is available.

I am relieved to see other parents being apprehensive about this as well!! I didn't accelerate either of my children, against the school's recommendation. For my 8-year old, he was emotionally immature, and can be a follower, so we opted to have him stay with kids his age and it has worked out wonderfully. I have a 5-year old who the school tried to do early admission last year, and I think in the short-term, it would have been better. She is currently so far ahead of other kids, and is not connecting with them socially, whereas she has always connected well with older kids. We chose not to accelerate her though because while every elementary school teacher we talked to recommended it, ALL middle school/high school teachers stated that it was detrimental socially at that age. So we are still not sure how it is working out for her. Her teacher also does not differentiate her work, whereas my son's does.

Some teachers make acceleration socially awkward by practices such as having students line up by birthdate (not just birthday MM/DD... but birthdate MM/DD/YY)... unnecessarily pointing out both younger students and older students, aka "redshirts".

Why ask only teachers about acceleration...? Did you also ask parents, accelerated students, etc, to share their experiences?

While anecdotes may be valuable, empirical evidence (based on research) may be even more insightful. That said, what types of social difficulties did the middle school and high school teachers relate being familiar with, as a result of acceleration?

This old post contains a roundup of discussion threads on acceleration (both PROs and CONs) as well as a list of resources (including research).

Beware the buzzwords... including "differentiation".