Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy For BTDT: Anyone decide not to accelerate?

I just wanted to say - don't beat yourself up for what has happened in the past. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. Educators/books/experts/etc generally don't speak to the experiences of extreme outliers and often recommend things that might be fantastic for 99%+ of the population. As parents, it is very challenging to 1) realize what you're not part of that 99% 2) navigate the less traveled path that goes with that and 3) separate our own experience/baggage from what our child is currently dealing with (especially challenging when they are young and you are making choices on their behalf).

Are there things that I would have done differently if I'd known then what I know now? Probably, but all of my experience and my DC's experiences got us to where we are now and the best we can do is to learn from our mistakes and make the best choices we can going forward. We will inevitably make more mistakes but we're all just fumbling along.

edited - Doh - someone is faster than I am so you get the same advice x2

I don't want you to walk away thinking you have to grade skip your DC5. Some if us have chosen to decline an offer to grade skip. Like some posters have already mentioned, so much depends on your specific child (level and areas of high cognitive ability, EQ, social maturity and savvy, physical development, teachers, administrators, GT curriculum, school, district, family dynamics and past experience of both the child and family members, etc.)

Grade skipping was brought up by DS13's first and second grade teachers. That would have been much easier for the school then SSA in math, which ultimately happened in 2nd grade. So DS was SSA into 3rd grade GT Math (compacted 3rd + 4th grade plus with more depth) when he was 7 and then Pre-Algebra when he was 9. He tested higher both times and could legitimately (without accomodations for writing and explaining work) have accelerated more both times but we all (DS, parent and school) chose not to maximize the accelerations after balancing all the other considerations. With every passing year, I am increasingly happier with our decision to not grade skip DS.

Some random considerations that I actually did not fully comprehend six years ago. There is an immense divide between garden variety gifted and extreme ability, particularly if your child has any interest in pursuing national competitions in math or science or even the arts. Many opportunites are by grade so you can potentially accelerate your child out of the interactions with intellectual peers. There are quite a few extremely high ability kids who do not grade skip. DS has had the good fortune to compete on math teams with and against some of them. I am talking about middle schoolers who are USAJMO or 9th graders who are already USAMO. DS is not at that level. However, there are many more kids around his less exalted level - for example, at his chapter mathcounts, easily half (more?) the kids qualifying for the Countdown round, including DS, were Part of JHU SET ( at least 700 SAT by 12). DS has perfect math scores and 99 percentile reading scores from the SAT a year ago and ACT earlier this year but he would not be competitive with his true intellectual peers if he were accelerated four years (to high school senior).

Speaking of SATs (or ACTs), I think it would be pretty easy for gifted kids to test college "ready" years early, especially if you ignore actual writing achievements. For example, DS easily scored well above average (unofficially and for curiosity) on both math and verbal (CR) on the SAT the first time he tried it at age nine. However, he clearly did not belong on a college campus for a variety of reasons.

We faced this. The school decided it was not a big deal if we made sure the kids were in separate classes so DD was moved up mid-year. However, my older one occasionally gets asked if her younger sister is “smarter” than her. That bothers her. Younger one though is benefiting - she has ADHD, and when she forgets her math homework she can get the sheet from her sister. All in all it has not been that big of deal. They have separate social lives.

And this:

(ALL) we can do is to learn from our mistakes and make the best choices we can going forward. We will inevitably make more mistakes but we're all just fumbling along.

Absolutely. Sometimes the “what ifs” really plague me, but we have always tried to make the decision with all the best information we had. I will say I wish I had begun homeschooling years ago. It would have been the best situation. DD will not leave school now even though she is not happy there. We are allowing her, as a 7th grader, to make this choice. We are looking at other options for next year.
I asked DD today if acceleration was a good idea. She said “maybe”. I asked if she felt that the kids she was with now learned slowly like they did when she was in her age grade (her reality). She complained “There are a lot of stupid kids at school.” She is not known for tact for sure, but what it points out is that just because one moves up a grade doesn’t mean that the pace is any quicker.

Agreed! The grade-skip is about placement; Pacing is a separate issue. Other types of acceleration, such as curriculum compacting, may be used to create more appropriate pacing.

Probably because it works well enough for enough kids.

And some socialization theory.

Plus, you have certain developmental experiences that all kids go through at the elementary school level that are a function of basic development.

And it makes sense intuitively. It does work well for most kids, and tolerably well for most of the rest. But for some it just doesn't.

I'm a long way away from being able to constructively join this conversation, but when DD4 gets older if she needs acceleration in school (which doesn't even exist here, but let's pretend) we'll just make sure she sticks with her sports and theatre classes, and whatever other interests she picks up along the way, for socialisation with same-aged kids. That, plus hanging out with cousins, children of family friends, etc.

Making and maintaining friendships and enjoying fun times with friends is usually called "socializing", whereas "socialization" is more about training in following social norms... which many kids may pick up on by casual observation while others may need or benefit from direct teaching, remediation and support in developing flexibility, following instructions and rules (plus understanding when to bend rules and when not to), developing the executive function skills to cope with tasks you don't want to do, avoid crying publicly when frustrated or disappointed, etc.

There is a common belief that kids even out by 3rd grade. While this is a myth, it may fed by facts such as:
- IQ scores being more stable at about 8 years old than they tend to be at younger ages...
- Some gifted kids may begin to zone out and underachieve if they've not had their learning needs met (have not been appropriately challenged)...
- More gifted kids may "dumb down" in order to blend in with same-age peers...
- Other gifted kids may have difficulty compensating for undiagnosed learning disabilities as academics become more demanding...
- Some pushed, hot-housed, or tiger-parented children may no longer exhibit relatively higher achievement as compared with same-age peers, once these peers become exposed to academics which allow them to achieve at the same high level.

This article by Carol Bainbridge discusses various facets of whether kids even out by 3rd grade.

It is so important to be supportive as each family makes the thoughtful decisions that make the most sense for their particular situation and children. No one who cares about their child is going to deliberately put them in a position to suffer. I have my biases on approaches to educating GT children, and I'm certainly not shy about voicing them, when appropriate, but it's not my place to judge another parent's loving choices.