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    Joined: Feb 2011
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    Originally Posted by Ocelot
    I have pondered this in terms of my hopes for my son ( and the skills I think he'll need to get there). My thoughts:

    Long term relationships (friendship as well as romantic) marked by love, kindness, and respect.
    In some way leaving the world better than when you found it. Doing some good for others.
    Having passion, whether it is related to work or a hobby.
    Having a skill that will allow some financial stability. This one is hard to define, because I do not mean wealthy is a goal, but I think some ability to financially ride out storms is desirable.



    What a lovely and perfectly-stated list.



    I really can't say it better. smile

    Let me also add--

    Liking the person that you are.


    Our definition of success has changed radically in the past few years. We really only want self-sufficiency, health, and happiness, at modest levels, for our daughter.

    That is not going to look very "impressive" to outsiders any more, in spite of DD's "wasted" potential. That is okay. They aren't living her life. She has at least found a way forward that is consistent with her own inner needs, and that was no mean feat. She gets to define success for herself.



    Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.
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    my signature might provide a clue as to my opinion. wink To me, success is:

    Leading a meaningful life. It's not enough to be "happy" (whatever that means), to enjoy your work or circumstances, or to be able to consume experiences, goods, and others at a pleasant rate. In fact, these things often distract from real achievement. Happiness is a misplaced "right" that is often viewed as the end goal of all work, and we do ourselves a disservice when we make a fluctuating, internal, and subjective emotion our greatest good.

    Success is about your ability to impact the lives of others in a lasting way, such that the chain reaction of the impacts of your having lived carry positive ripple effects to other generations. Your having lived should make others achieve for themselves and others significantly more than would have been possible had you never existed. We should all strive to be servants to others and stewards of the future, whether in our families, careers, or personal interests.

    If, at the end of my life, if I can say that the way I lived communicated love, honesty, compassion, generosity, hope, and faith, and others saw this and chose that path for themselves where they would not otherwise have done so, I will consider that a success. The world is a house with many rooms in it, for all sorts of people and talents.

    I can say that those who I admire most are people who give of themselves selflessly and generously, often at great personal cost. Think of parents of special needs children who pour out love abundantly to their children, priests and lawyers who fight for freedoms for others in situations of great oppression, people wrongfully punished by the law who peacefully protest and change their countries' laws through their perseverance, individuals who fight human rights injustices and face persecution for their opposition, people who consciously save and donate to the poor (even though they'd prefer a flashy vacation or a new car), people who help make others whole after trauma...



    What is to give light must endure burning.
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    Originally Posted by Ocelot
    In some way leaving the world better than when you found it.

    This is my prayer for my girls. And finding contentment (happiness is fleeting).

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    Great thread, KJP. smile
    Kudos to sanne for posting with sincerity, leading in a positive direction and encouraging others by example! smile
    What an inspiring list.

    My thoughts don't really add much new...

    Having healthy boundaries, healthy relationships with self and with others despite differences...

    Understanding that setbacks of all kinds are a part of life and do not diminish a person...

    Knowing one's strengths and owning one's weaknesses (hat tip to Platypus101)

    Openmindness tempered with critical thinking and a penchant for seeking out nuggets of truths...

    Active BS filters which trigger quietly without sarcasm or snark...

    Valuing ethics and integrity...

    Thirst for a challenge, flexibility to face adversity, inner resources to cope with disappointment...

    Living within one's budget (accepting that seasons of struggle, sacrifice, and "settling" may be an inherent part of establishing priorities, weighing decisions)...

    Appreciation for humor, art, nature all around us...

    Ability to master one's self, as a well-rounded person who chooses to acknowledge and lighten another's burden.



    This reminds me of the list of what kids learn through effort (and don't learn without challenge).

    This also reminds me of the poem "If.." by Rudyard Kiplng.

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    As I watched the TED Talk sent to me in today's e-mail (What I learned from 2,000 obituaries) I thought of this thread.

    Attached to this TED Talk was a playlist of 10 Talks to watch when you don't know what to do with your life.

    Here's to success! smile

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    Adding a link to another thread, which has an article summarizing a 78-year Harvard study on adult development... happiness... and what makes a good life.

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    When I was s horse-crazy young girl whose family lacked the money for horses, my only option was to ride at this crazy non-profit run by a retired army colonel. Many stories I could tell! But he had a motto that always works for me when I think of defining success. "Ride hard, shoot straight, and live so you can look anyone in the eye." I find that when I can look back on a day, or a year, or a life where I did that - well it feels like success to me.

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